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> Humans are Liars Lying may be common, but it isn't universal. I never understood why you would want to make a habit of having to waste memory and mental effo

by pdkl95 9y ago

> Humans are Liars Lying may be common, but it isn't universal. I never understood why you would want to make a habit of having to waste memory and mental effort to remember the map of what lies have been told to which people. It's hard enough to remember one version of reality. Regarding social consequences: I'm not sure. I was already a socially awkward nerd, which makes makes it very hard to isolate any lying/not-lying consequences. Politely declining to answer when a lie is socially expected (or, when possible, finding a way to respond that doesn't require lying) has worked out reasonably well so far.

dwaltrip 9y ago
> Politely declining to answer when a lie is socially expected (or, when possible, finding a way to respond that doesn't require lying) has worked out reasonably well so far. This is a really good alternative, when giving a completely frank answer would cause undesirable results.
klibertp 9y ago
> what lies have been told to which people In practice, this is not a problem. People who lie very much, in my experience, have a couple of strong narratives they build their lies on. Because they follow some vague set of rules (which is easier to remember, especially if you use them repeatedly), it's possible for them to re-invent the same lie for the same situation, every time. On top of that, they are prepared to cover any minor differences that can occur one way or another - mostly by diverting the attention of others to something else. As long as they stay consistent with their lies and manage to stay within the bounds of what others consider plausible, it's very hard to recognize their lies. It's even harder, in practice, because what we consider probable is greatly affected by the flow of conversation and what's happening around it, so with a proper preparation, it's possible to sell almost any bullshit to almost anyone. Well, that's the deep end of conmen and people who use lies - one way or another - for work. However, many people are able to lie easily and they are almost never challenged, at least if they don't exaggerate too much. Our brains are great at filling the holes in the narratives, which has both a good side - art - and dark side - lies.
alexashka 9y ago
You don't work with people and depend on them liking you - that's why you don't get it. Good managers don't particularly appreciate people who don't understand basic social dynamics (why lying has to be done to some extent to keep things moving) but they will never show it, leaving people like you, blissfully ignorant and happily moving along :)

by pdkl95 9y ago

dwaltrip 9y ago

> Politely declining to answer when a lie is socially expected (or, when possible, finding a way to respond that doesn't require lying) has worked out reasonably well so far. This is a really good alternative, when giving a completely frank answer would cause undesirable results.

klibertp 9y ago

> what lies have been told to which people In practice, this is not a problem. People who lie very much, in my experience, have a couple of strong narratives they build their lies on. Because they follow some vague set of rules (which is easier to remember, especially if you use them repeatedly), it's possible for them to re-invent the same lie for the same situation, every time. On top of that, they are prepared to cover any minor differences that can occur one way or another - mostly by diverting the attention of others to something else. As long as they stay consistent with their lies and manage to stay within the bounds of what others consider plausible, it's very hard to recognize their lies. It's even harder, in practice, because what we consider probable is greatly affected by the flow of conversation and what's happening around it, so with a proper preparation, it's possible to sell almost any bullshit to almost anyone. Well, that's the deep end of conmen and people who use lies - one way or another - for work. However, many people are able to lie easily and they are almost never challenged, at least if they don't exaggerate too much. Our brains are great at filling the holes in the narratives, which has both a good side - art - and dark side - lies.

alexashka 9y ago

You don't work with people and depend on them liking you - that's why you don't get it. Good managers don't particularly appreciate people who don't understand basic social dynamics (why lying has to be done to some extent to keep things moving) but they will never show it, leaving people like you, blissfully ignorant and happily moving along :)