This seems like very much not the place to be asking. Mental health is a serious issue, with dedicated professionals available. I suspect that here you'll get a

This seems like very much not the place to be asking. Mental health is a serious issue, with dedicated professionals available. I suspect that here you'll get a lot of well-meaning anecdote, some of which may well be helpful. Nonetheless, there are professionals out there ready to help and your mental health isn't something you can bash at like a python script. Double-check with a professional that there isn't some physical disorder going on, and see a mental health professional.