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I really do think about this a lot, but I disagree with what the author proposes which is basically lying or deceiving others: > Authenticity is rare, but peop
by misterbowfinger 9y ago
I really do think about this a lot, but I disagree with what the author proposes which is basically lying or deceiving others:
> Authenticity is rare, but people performing authenticity is common, and being good at that performance can build a fortune. Not just authenticity, of course. Being able to pretend that you are furious is a trick that all great sales people use. And being able to create the illusion of a sincere vulnerability can trick people into trusting you, which is invaluable
The crux of the issue is as follows: is it possible to exercise discretion, but still be authentic and empathetic? I believe the answer to that is "yes".
I also don't believe this is just about your career - it's about your life. In some circles, amongst _some_ people, in _certain_ circumstances, sharing details is beneficial. But not always. You should not overshare with every person you meet. It's simply not to your benefit.
The difficulty is determining when, where, and to whom you share. Sometimes, you just know. And sometimes, you just have to express yourself. That doesn't always mean you say exactly what's on your mind. Simply a facial expression can communicate what you're feeling in a certain moment, but still with respect and dignity.
Authenticity is extremely powerful. Even with a client, being authentic (without oversharing) will garner you a lot of respect.
- losteric 9y agoYes, you're describing discretion and reiterating the author. They never suggested lying, merely being mindful of the circumstances when disclosing truth.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- misterbowfinger 9y agoAdded an excerpt from the post. It seems to be the opposite of what I'm saying.
- cosmie 9y agoI read that section as what one is commonly exposed to, not what he's advocating doing.
- lnanek2 9y agoLying definitely works really well at work, however. I recently had to work with another team that committed to do a portion of the work on a feature, they blew it off for 5 weeks, then at the big meeting about it lied and claimed they never agreed to do any of it. Every person on the team lies and swears that never agreed, even though there are Hipchat logs of them working on it for a couple days with us before they punted it without telling us and went radio silent. Since they chose lying, however, it's impossible to ding them on peer feedback since they'll just claim miscommunication on the part of the reporter. So they insulate themselves from any bad feedback by lying their asses off...
- cowpig 9y agoThat part of the article bugged me as well. I think there's a significant difference between being "authentic" and oversharing. If being "authentic" is revealing the full nature of all your feelings to someone, I think that never really happens: language doesn't have the required bandwidth. Instead, I'd define being "authentic" is the opposite of intentionally misleading people. Being authentic is a strategy that has served me well in my life: I routinely develop relationships based on mutual trust which serve me well. Plus I don't feel like a bad person.