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There’s also an expectation that women will marry ‘up’, even in first world countries, I think. It’s very ironic that women who develop themselves have a smalle

There’s also an expectation that women will marry ‘up’, even in first world countries, I think. It’s very ironic that women who develop themselves have a smaller option pool of mates.

a2tech 9y ago
If they were willing to marry internationally I think their options would be much nicer, but their parents aren't allowed to leave the country and they're very close so that puts a pretty big barrier in place for them to leave.
debacle 9y ago
It's not really an expectation. There have been studies on this, and women do tend to prefer mates at or above their social status (whether that means educationally, professionally, economically, etc). It makes finding a spouse late in life for successful women incredibly difficult.
- user5994461 9y ago
  Correction: Finding a spouse [of higher status] late in life is incredibly difficult for successful women [who have insane requirements and won't settle for less].
- nitwit005 9y ago
  Expectations aren't about what you prefer, it's about what other people want you to do. There are definitely women encouraging their daughters to pick someone wealthier.
geodel 9y ago
Why is it ironic? Isn't it simple default that there are fewer successful people in most commonly used metrics like financially, socially, culturally etc? So if a women is successful they will have less mates to choose from.
- belorn 9y ago
  If we pick that as the default, then is it then not ironic that successful men (using financial metrics) have a larger option pool of mates? I personally don't find either ironic, but rather a very clear difference between the genders in the correlation between financial success and dating. The really interesting part is the causes of this difference, and whom is driving it.
  - geodel 9y ago
    I think larger option pool is not equal to larger option pool to 'marry up'. What I have seen is that successful males often execute option of selecting prettier females instead of successful ones. This thing is far more common in poorer non-western societies but I imagine western societies wouldn't be totally immune to this.
    - watwut 9y ago
      It is trophy wife thing. You marry to signal to other guys that you are above them sexually, but you are not actually looking to do things together with wife, spend time with her or anything like that.
- user5994461 9y ago
  No, it's not a default. The default is that successful women have a bigger pool to choose from and they really do. What happen in practice is that they refuse to consider anyone who is not more than themselves, effectively ignoring the vast majority of the pool. The more successful and pretty, the bigger the pool, which they balance by being even more selective.
  - kaitai 9y ago
    "[T]hey refuse to consider.." We all bring our own experiences, but as one of those highly educated women, many men refuse to consider me. A lot of guys do still want someone who doesn't match them economically or intellectually. Of course this is not universal. But have you ever had a guy (gal) just walk away from you in a club after hearing what you do for a living? Math. The death knell for a previously reasonable flirtation.

There’s also an expectation that women will marry ‘up’, even in first world countries, I think. It’s very ironic that women who develop themselves have a smaller option pool of mates.

a2tech 9y ago

If they were willing to marry internationally I think their options would be much nicer, but their parents aren't allowed to leave the country and they're very close so that puts a pretty big barrier in place for them to leave.

debacle 9y ago

It's not really an expectation. There have been studies on this, and women do tend to prefer mates at or above their social status (whether that means educationally, professionally, economically, etc). It makes finding a spouse late in life for successful women incredibly difficult.

user5994461 9y ago
Correction: Finding a spouse [of higher status] late in life is incredibly difficult for successful women [who have insane requirements and won't settle for less].
nitwit005 9y ago
Expectations aren't about what you prefer, it's about what other people want you to do. There are definitely women encouraging their daughters to pick someone wealthier.

geodel 9y ago

Why is it ironic? Isn't it simple default that there are fewer successful people in most commonly used metrics like financially, socially, culturally etc? So if a women is successful they will have less mates to choose from.

belorn 9y ago
If we pick that as the default, then is it then not ironic that successful men (using financial metrics) have a larger option pool of mates? I personally don't find either ironic, but rather a very clear difference between the genders in the correlation between financial success and dating. The really interesting part is the causes of this difference, and whom is driving it.
- geodel 9y ago
  I think larger option pool is not equal to larger option pool to 'marry up'. What I have seen is that successful males often execute option of selecting prettier females instead of successful ones. This thing is far more common in poorer non-western societies but I imagine western societies wouldn't be totally immune to this.
  - watwut 9y ago
    It is trophy wife thing. You marry to signal to other guys that you are above them sexually, but you are not actually looking to do things together with wife, spend time with her or anything like that.
user5994461 9y ago
No, it's not a default. The default is that successful women have a bigger pool to choose from and they really do. What happen in practice is that they refuse to consider anyone who is not more than themselves, effectively ignoring the vast majority of the pool. The more successful and pretty, the bigger the pool, which they balance by being even more selective.
- kaitai 9y ago
  "[T]hey refuse to consider.." We all bring our own experiences, but as one of those highly educated women, many men refuse to consider me. A lot of guys do still want someone who doesn't match them economically or intellectually. Of course this is not universal. But have you ever had a guy (gal) just walk away from you in a club after hearing what you do for a living? Math. The death knell for a previously reasonable flirtation.