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People tend to find others insincere when it seems like the other person is trying or practicing rather than just acting naturally. Unfortunately, social intera

People tend to find others insincere when it seems like the other person is trying or practicing rather than just acting naturally. Unfortunately, social interactions are a skill, and for many people this skill could use some work, so this becomes a catch-22. Trying or practicing is a prerequisite for getting better, but it seems unnatural and/or awkward at first. Of course, some people just rattle off canned lines and don't pay attention to others. They're insincere, because they can't be bothered to give other people their attention and respect. In my experience, people who are actively trying to get better at social situations are usually in the first category, but not always (read PUAs). And maybe there are other categories!

ellius 9y ago
It’s really a question of intent. One of my favorite observations was a comment made by Day9 (a pro Starcraft commentator) on the topic of strategy. He said that, when he was younger, he used to think that strategy was just “whoever had the best trick.” But as he grew and improved at the game, he began to understand that strategy was more a matter of focus, consistently good decision-making, and occasionally some deep situational insight. I think working on your social skills is similar. If you are just trying to learn “one simple trick” to manipulate other people, you’re really missing the point and being kind of a bad human being to boot. You’ll almost certainly sabotage yourself and head down a bad path. But if you’re genuinely trying to improve your interactions with other people and to understand why conversations may not go as smoothly as you would think, and if you have good intent, I think these sorts of things can be very useful for people that are not intuitively skilled at meeting strangers.
drakonka 9y ago
Even "PUAs" are often in the first category. Many guys getting into the pickup scene tend to start off using these canned one-liners and being insincere. Often they are really uncomfortable with talking to anyone, much less the opposite sex, so these canned openers and lines sort of help them build some initial confidence in some cases even though they're super cheesy - they are used as a crutch. But as they get more comfortable they sort of realize that using someone else's lines to seem like an interesting person isn't an actual replacement for being a genuinely interesting person. Some of these guys continue relying on the cheesy canned openers, but quite a few move on to actually learning more genuine communication skills and working on improving themselves in the long run, becoming genuinely interesting people to talk to.
bluedino 9y ago
Exactly. This is one of the reasons I hate talking to salespeople, too many of their lines are just canned responses learned from books and seminars

ellius 9y ago

It’s really a question of intent. One of my favorite observations was a comment made by Day9 (a pro Starcraft commentator) on the topic of strategy. He said that, when he was younger, he used to think that strategy was just “whoever had the best trick.” But as he grew and improved at the game, he began to understand that strategy was more a matter of focus, consistently good decision-making, and occasionally some deep situational insight. I think working on your social skills is similar. If you are just trying to learn “one simple trick” to manipulate other people, you’re really missing the point and being kind of a bad human being to boot. You’ll almost certainly sabotage yourself and head down a bad path. But if you’re genuinely trying to improve your interactions with other people and to understand why conversations may not go as smoothly as you would think, and if you have good intent, I think these sorts of things can be very useful for people that are not intuitively skilled at meeting strangers.

drakonka 9y ago

Even "PUAs" are often in the first category. Many guys getting into the pickup scene tend to start off using these canned one-liners and being insincere. Often they are really uncomfortable with talking to anyone, much less the opposite sex, so these canned openers and lines sort of help them build some initial confidence in some cases even though they're super cheesy - they are used as a crutch. But as they get more comfortable they sort of realize that using someone else's lines to seem like an interesting person isn't an actual replacement for being a genuinely interesting person. Some of these guys continue relying on the cheesy canned openers, but quite a few move on to actually learning more genuine communication skills and working on improving themselves in the long run, becoming genuinely interesting people to talk to.

bluedino 9y ago

Exactly. This is one of the reasons I hate talking to salespeople, too many of their lines are just canned responses learned from books and seminars