6 ms·

Unsuck It - translate business jargon

41 points by jbr 16y ago

cptnred 16y ago
There's even an email button so you can send your boss a message saying "Hey douchebag! Stop torturing the English language!"
jdc 16y ago
"Diversify Unsucked: Change." ... no.
sriramk 16y ago
Maybe I'm betraying my corporate institutionalization here but I was reading through the list and going "Hey, that isn't so bad, is it?". Are terms like boilerplate, 'at the end of the day' so bad? :)
- zbyszek 16y ago
  Think of a sentence containing "at the end of the day". Now remove that phrase. Does your sentence convey any less information? Unless the time of day is actually germane to what you are saying something (e.g. "At the end of the day I draw the curtains and have a cup of cocoa.") then it is just superfluous verbiage. And that's bad because it obscures the message. "Boilerplate" is jargon, but conveys some information, so I think that's OK.
  - raganwald 16y ago
    The Etymology of Boilerplate is fascinating. Imagine receiving a press release on a piece of steel plate so that you could put it right onto the presses. Neat-o! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boilerplate_(text)#Etymology http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boilerplate_(text)#Etymology
groaner 16y ago
If this sort of thing catches your fancy, the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit (http://corporatebs.com/ http://corporatebs.com/) is a fine collection of humorous definitions.
ABrandt 16y ago
Hmmm I tried feasibility analysis, time to market, and monetization. I got zilch on all three, maybe I'm not a big enough business jerk.
- DLWormwood 16y ago
  It also failed on “paradigm shift” for me… EDIT: Looks like someone defined that one since I tried it last…
- mccreath 16y ago
  http://unsuck-it.com/define/ http://unsuck-it.com/define/
lucraft 16y ago
"Dogs breakfast" is terrible business jargon? I've been an MBA since I was 5 then...
endual 16y ago
Hmmm, tried to redefine "angel investor" as "sugar daddy" and it hasn't work... Maybe they approve it? Whatever, back to the shiraz!
jgrahamc 16y ago
http://unsuck-it.com/rock-star/ http://unsuck-it.com/rock-star/
- nash 16y ago
  Yeah: Business jargon. Whenever a PHB tells you they are a rock star or a wizard you know they _may_ know how to use a mouse.
- JustinSeriously 16y ago
  It's the same for all the other Resume 2.0 adjectives. http://unsuck-it.com/ninja/ http://unsuck-it.com/ninja/ http://unsuck-it.com/superhero/ http://unsuck-it.com/superhero/ http://unsuck-it.com/wizard/ http://unsuck-it.com/wizard/
nash 16y ago
http://unsuck-it.com/as-soon-as-possible-asap/ http://unsuck-it.com/as-soon-as-possible-asap/ Strange; Whenever someone tells me they need something ASAP, I generally consider it to mean "they don't know when they need it, so it's not important".
- billybob 16y ago
  Not necessarily. Imagine that you get a performance bonus based on how quickly you finish a task, and you're waiting on someone else for something. You don't have a specific deadline, but the sooner you get what you need, the better. You COULD make an artificial deadline and say "I need this today." But that means "drop everything for me." Maybe you're emailing your boss and don't have the clout to demand that, or maybe you want to save that demand for when you REALLY need it today. So ASAP would be my way of saying "it's important, but I recognize that something else on your list might be even more important." The "P" gives the receiver some wiggle room. In that way, I think it's more polite than "today," while still more urgent than "sometime this week."
deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
rvanrooy 16y ago
Eat your Own Dog Food is the one I never get. I know it's supposed to mean that your dog food should be good enough to eat yourself, but it's akin to expecting the CEO of a pet food company to open a can and start eating!
- raganwald 16y ago
  I think that it's more memorable this way precisely because it's unlikely to happen. Think of the riddle: "Why does Dog Food taste like shit?" "Because nobody ever eats it." If the saying was "Eat your own croissants," it wouldn't have the same punch because most croissants are reasonably edible and indeed people who make croissants do taste test them.
gacba 16y ago
Is it just me or is there as much urban slang (chillax) as there is PHB-speak? (paradigm shift)
helveticaman 16y ago
I added innovator: 1. Douchebag without technical knowledge. 2. (Rare) In IP, a non-douchebag with techical knowledge.
samratjp 16y ago
Hmm, they got synergy in there as well: Unsucked: Working together. An addendum would be: Leech-y, take advantage of a said synergy situation, etc.
grg 16y ago
http://unsuck-it.com/?s=asdf http://unsuck-it.com/?s=asdf I like the response page when you search for something that's not defined.
DennisP 16y ago
I was once in an industry meeting with representatives from five major corporations. The corporate-speak got so bad sometimes I could barely follow it. It was like a different dialect. After a while I noticed that the more unpleasant the thing the speaker was trying to convey, the thicker the dialect got. One guy treated us to five minutes of near-impenentrable jargon that ultimately boiled down to "what's in it for us?"

41 points by jbr 16y ago

There's even an email button so you can send your boss a message saying "Hey douchebag! Stop torturing the English language!"

jdc 16y ago

"Diversify Unsucked: Change." ... no.

sriramk 16y ago

Maybe I'm betraying my corporate institutionalization here but I was reading through the list and going "Hey, that isn't so bad, is it?". Are terms like boilerplate, 'at the end of the day' so bad? :)

zbyszek 16y ago
Think of a sentence containing "at the end of the day". Now remove that phrase. Does your sentence convey any less information? Unless the time of day is actually germane to what you are saying something (e.g. "At the end of the day I draw the curtains and have a cup of cocoa.") then it is just superfluous verbiage. And that's bad because it obscures the message. "Boilerplate" is jargon, but conveys some information, so I think that's OK.
- raganwald 16y ago
  The Etymology of Boilerplate is fascinating. Imagine receiving a press release on a piece of steel plate so that you could put it right onto the presses. Neat-o! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boilerplate_(text)#Etymology http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boilerplate_(text)#Etymology

groaner 16y ago

If this sort of thing catches your fancy, the Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit (http://corporatebs.com/ http://corporatebs.com/) is a fine collection of humorous definitions.

ABrandt 16y ago

Hmmm I tried feasibility analysis, time to market, and monetization. I got zilch on all three, maybe I'm not a big enough business jerk.

DLWormwood 16y ago
It also failed on “paradigm shift” for me… EDIT: Looks like someone defined that one since I tried it last…
mccreath 16y ago
http://unsuck-it.com/define/ http://unsuck-it.com/define/

lucraft 16y ago

"Dogs breakfast" is terrible business jargon? I've been an MBA since I was 5 then...

endual 16y ago

Hmmm, tried to redefine "angel investor" as "sugar daddy" and it hasn't work... Maybe they approve it? Whatever, back to the shiraz!

jgrahamc 16y ago

http://unsuck-it.com/rock-star/ http://unsuck-it.com/rock-star/

nash 16y ago
Yeah: Business jargon. Whenever a PHB tells you they are a rock star or a wizard you know they _may_ know how to use a mouse.
JustinSeriously 16y ago
It's the same for all the other Resume 2.0 adjectives. http://unsuck-it.com/ninja/ http://unsuck-it.com/ninja/ http://unsuck-it.com/superhero/ http://unsuck-it.com/superhero/ http://unsuck-it.com/wizard/ http://unsuck-it.com/wizard/

nash 16y ago

http://unsuck-it.com/as-soon-as-possible-asap/ http://unsuck-it.com/as-soon-as-possible-asap/ Strange; Whenever someone tells me they need something ASAP, I generally consider it to mean "they don't know when they need it, so it's not important".

billybob 16y ago
Not necessarily. Imagine that you get a performance bonus based on how quickly you finish a task, and you're waiting on someone else for something. You don't have a specific deadline, but the sooner you get what you need, the better. You COULD make an artificial deadline and say "I need this today." But that means "drop everything for me." Maybe you're emailing your boss and don't have the clout to demand that, or maybe you want to save that demand for when you REALLY need it today. So ASAP would be my way of saying "it's important, but I recognize that something else on your list might be even more important." The "P" gives the receiver some wiggle room. In that way, I think it's more polite than "today," while still more urgent than "sometime this week."

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]

rvanrooy 16y ago

Eat your Own Dog Food is the one I never get. I know it's supposed to mean that your dog food should be good enough to eat yourself, but it's akin to expecting the CEO of a pet food company to open a can and start eating!

raganwald 16y ago
I think that it's more memorable this way precisely because it's unlikely to happen. Think of the riddle: "Why does Dog Food taste like shit?" "Because nobody ever eats it." If the saying was "Eat your own croissants," it wouldn't have the same punch because most croissants are reasonably edible and indeed people who make croissants do taste test them.

gacba 16y ago

Is it just me or is there as much urban slang (chillax) as there is PHB-speak? (paradigm shift)

helveticaman 16y ago

I added innovator: 1. Douchebag without technical knowledge. 2. (Rare) In IP, a non-douchebag with techical knowledge.

samratjp 16y ago

Hmm, they got synergy in there as well: Unsucked: Working together. An addendum would be: Leech-y, take advantage of a said synergy situation, etc.

grg 16y ago

http://unsuck-it.com/?s=asdf http://unsuck-it.com/?s=asdf I like the response page when you search for something that's not defined.

DennisP 16y ago

I was once in an industry meeting with representatives from five major corporations. The corporate-speak got so bad sometimes I could barely follow it. It was like a different dialect. After a while I noticed that the more unpleasant the thing the speaker was trying to convey, the thicker the dialect got. One guy treated us to five minutes of near-impenentrable jargon that ultimately boiled down to "what's in it for us?"