From reading through some of the comments I really have to ask, is wiping ones ass really that complicated? Get some single ply (not the cheap shit in public b

From reading through some of the comments I really have to ask, is wiping ones ass really that complicated? Get some single ply (not the cheap shit in public bathrooms, which is often like 0.25 ply or whatever the fuck ... fucking wax paper or some shit), fold it sheet-over-sheet using 5 sheets (defined by the perforation) for the first wipe, use 4 or 5 sheets for the second wipe, then finish off with a third wipe at 4 sheets. A wipe is one iteration through the ass_wipe_process loop, which has 2-3 sub-wipes depending on how comfortable you feel folding in half the 4-5 sheet-over-sheet folded unit. I'm a dude, so I wipe back to front the first few sub-wipes, with a front to back followed back a back to front mixed in there somewhere. The reason for this directionality has to do with the length of my anus hair, which depends on when I've groomed it. The longer the anus hair, the more likely a front to back sub-wipe will lead to anus hairs in the butthole, causing itching and irritation. For some reason this doesn't happen with the back to front sub-wipe, so that is mandatory after a front to back, in order to realign the anus hairs. Pro-Tip: Only groom hair close to the anus, otherwise you might end up with an ass-cyst from sitting on a groomed region where the hair can't properly grow out due to the pressure from sitting. Generally there's less constipation after grooming as though the hairs themselves bind the anus closed or some shit. I mean seriously, just fucking take this shit seriously and do it right so you don't end up with shit in your undies stinking up the place or spreading fecal matter all over the place, getting people sick.