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Why do people keep apologizing publicly? Do they actually think that helps? For all you guys that are interested in a key insight: once dealing w accusations o

Why do people keep apologizing publicly? Do they actually think that helps? For all you guys that are interested in a key insight: once dealing w accusations of abuse the worse response you can have (regarding your personal career) is to apologize publicly. Fight or stay silent.

notl4wy3r 9y ago
Maybe people are optimizing for considerations other than their career?
- HarryHirsch 9y ago
  The corollary is that integrity is bad for your career.
matt4077 9y ago
So you're advising people who have (admittedly, in this case) engaged in sexual abuse for multiple years to compound the hurt by "fighting", i. e. continuing the emotional abuse, only in public? How about owning up to your mistakes? Personally, I'd have less of a problem with working with this guy in the near future given his admission, than with someone in a similar situation engaging in public mudslinging or pleading the 5th. You also have to consider that such behaviour usually follows a pattern, and one accusation is usually not the end of it. Plus, in small, tight-knit communities, you often know the people socially. And its incredibly difficult to completely hide such relationship dynamics. The people you'd need to believe you will be the ones best-positioned to know the truth anyway.
DonHopkins 9y ago
I'm actually glad Robert Scoble made such a self-destructive public non-apology-apology, because now we all know exactly what kind of unrepentant victim blaming monster he is, since it's all on the record (including screen captures of stuff he eventually deleted). Max's apology was at the opposite end of the spectrum from Scoble's series of attacks on the victim and non-apologies. It may have taken Max two tries, but at least the second was better than the first (as opposed to Scoble, whose non-apology-apologies just kept getting exponentially worse each time, including an asinine plug for his own disreputable company, and he tried to white-wash the record by deleting the previous non-apology apologies on Facebook and the awkward discussions attached to them).
yesenadam 9y ago
And do you also have a 'key insight' about what is the right thing to do? Maybe you are just talking about false accusations, but what you said sounded like the words of a sociopath.
matt4077 9y ago
Even ignoring the moral failings of your suggested course of action, it may be advisable in such cases to consider the actions celebrities in similar circumstances have taken. They do, after all, act on the advise of layers, PR-, and crisis communications experts paid in the 6-figures or more to handle such cases.
- DonHopkins 9y ago
  There is at least one celebrity whose name I don't have to mention, whose response to numerous well substantiated accusations of moral failings should definitely not be emulated.
jondubois 9y ago
I don't get why this type of comment gets down-voted. It's just hypothetical and maybe it's an interesting point of discussion. The situation is probably much more complex than anyone can imagine. We don't actually know any of the details of what happened.
- slifty 9y ago
  (It's getting down voted because that comment is adovcating for a culture where men never hold themselves publicly accountable for bad actions, thus perpetuating the same old screwed up power dynamic. It is not an interesting perspective.)

notl4wy3r 9y ago

Maybe people are optimizing for considerations other than their career?

HarryHirsch 9y ago
The corollary is that integrity is bad for your career.

matt4077 9y ago

So you're advising people who have (admittedly, in this case) engaged in sexual abuse for multiple years to compound the hurt by "fighting", i. e. continuing the emotional abuse, only in public? How about owning up to your mistakes? Personally, I'd have less of a problem with working with this guy in the near future given his admission, than with someone in a similar situation engaging in public mudslinging or pleading the 5th. You also have to consider that such behaviour usually follows a pattern, and one accusation is usually not the end of it. Plus, in small, tight-knit communities, you often know the people socially. And its incredibly difficult to completely hide such relationship dynamics. The people you'd need to believe you will be the ones best-positioned to know the truth anyway.

DonHopkins 9y ago

I'm actually glad Robert Scoble made such a self-destructive public non-apology-apology, because now we all know exactly what kind of unrepentant victim blaming monster he is, since it's all on the record (including screen captures of stuff he eventually deleted). Max's apology was at the opposite end of the spectrum from Scoble's series of attacks on the victim and non-apologies. It may have taken Max two tries, but at least the second was better than the first (as opposed to Scoble, whose non-apology-apologies just kept getting exponentially worse each time, including an asinine plug for his own disreputable company, and he tried to white-wash the record by deleting the previous non-apology apologies on Facebook and the awkward discussions attached to them).

yesenadam 9y ago

And do you also have a 'key insight' about what is the right thing to do? Maybe you are just talking about false accusations, but what you said sounded like the words of a sociopath.

matt4077 9y ago

Even ignoring the moral failings of your suggested course of action, it may be advisable in such cases to consider the actions celebrities in similar circumstances have taken. They do, after all, act on the advise of layers, PR-, and crisis communications experts paid in the 6-figures or more to handle such cases.

DonHopkins 9y ago
There is at least one celebrity whose name I don't have to mention, whose response to numerous well substantiated accusations of moral failings should definitely not be emulated.

jondubois 9y ago

I don't get why this type of comment gets down-voted. It's just hypothetical and maybe it's an interesting point of discussion. The situation is probably much more complex than anyone can imagine. We don't actually know any of the details of what happened.

slifty 9y ago
(It's getting down voted because that comment is adovcating for a culture where men never hold themselves publicly accountable for bad actions, thus perpetuating the same old screwed up power dynamic. It is not an interesting perspective.)