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Wife with remarkably similar interests to husband takes interest in his passions, story at 11. Hrm. Not that I disagree, but it is abundantly clear that this h

Wife with remarkably similar interests to husband takes interest in his passions, story at 11. Hrm. Not that I disagree, but it is abundantly clear that this husband and wife combo are very similar people. At least on her end. If she is suggesting that she learned Ruby and started writing a blog because she wanted to know her husband better I'm calling BS. She did these things because she herself is interested in them. If I am to be cynical: She shares her husband's interests, that much is clear, but is the experience mutual, and if not is she in any position to critique others? He was a trooper. This is what you say when you know someone is participating in an activity simply because they know you enjoy it, not so much because they are avid hikers (or rubyists) themselves. None of that bothers me. In fact it seems to be - at least on her part - the key to enjoying life with another person. What bothers me is that she openly mocks women that don't seem to have an passion for all the things their husbands do. It ignores that there (should be) a whole lot more to a person that a single passion. It ignores that many of those particular things may be what is shared. Most importantly it ignores the fact that she actually isn't doing what she claims to be doing at all. There is no reason why any particular passion should be elevated to a level that it cannot be "excluded" from an important relationship, provided there are shared experiences in other areas. To suggest otherwise says more about the person with the passion than the one forced to accept it, really.

kscaldef 16y ago
She doesn't say that couples have to have the same passions. She says that you should at least know something about what your partner does, beyond just their job title.
- run4yourlives 16y ago
  And that's what I question, for two reasons: 1. The example of herself is invalid. Her interests in Ruby go beyond an interest in her husband's passion. They are her own passions. For some reason I don't think his interest in ballet is of the same quality. I'm sure there is something that she "tolerates" rather than "also enjoys", but she doesn't provide any data here. 2. I don't think it's required for my wife to know my programming passion to the levels of knowing that I prefer Python as a language any more than she should be required to know that the pilot-in-common sits on the left side of the aircraft in that profession. The fact is that your programming passion in many cases is just one of your many interests. Provided that there are many areas that overlap with a significant other, in my mind it is silly to criticize those that don't share this particular one.
  - spitfire 16y ago
    Pilot-in-command.
    - run4yourlives 16y ago
      lol, -1 google spellcheck. Thanks for the correction.
  - nailer 16y ago
    1. Agreed with her actually writing something. 2. Disagreed. It's reasonable to understand your partners passions and career. I'd be disappointed in my wife not knowing I like Python and why - she'd probably tell someone 'because he can't be bothered telling the computer than 17 is a number'. I, conversely, know a great deal more about ballet, fashion production, textiles and event management - if someone asked me 'classical or jazz', I'd know the answer, the difference, and why. It would be pretty lazy for me not to.
abstractbill 16y ago
Anyone who says "Programming? My husband does something like that I think." deserves, if not mockery, then something more like pity. Passion isn't necessary, but why bother being in a close relationship with another person if you're not even going to learn what it is that they spend their time working on?
- run4yourlives 16y ago
  Programming? My husband does something like that I think." deserves, if not mockery, then something more like pity. Issues with programmer ego aside, how is this any different from suggesting that your husband is a doctor without saying he is a pediatrician, a lawyer without saying he specializes in tax law, or a pilot without mentioning that he flies F-16C's? but why bother being in a close relationship with another person if you're not even going to learn what it is that they spend their time working on? For the same reason that you have no idea what this year's hot brand of shoes is: it's not a common interest. Now, not having ANYTHING in common isn't exactly promising. However suggesting that this particular passion is more important than others - simply because you happen to share it - isn't exactly insightful.
  - abstractbill 16y ago
    Peoples' day jobs are generally something they spend at least 8 hours a day, 5 days a week doing. That's what makes them more important to know at least something about. I don't know anyone who spends that much time thinking about shoes.
    - run4yourlives 16y ago
      So, you are essentially suggesting one of two things: 1. People are their professions, fundamentally. 2. You would have an issue with me not knowing the shoe answer if my wife worked for a shoe designer. I take issue with both statements.
      - abstractbill 16y ago
RiderOfGiraffes 16y ago
I disagree with you entirely. My wife has no real interest in programming, but is learning about it through conversations because she cares about me, and therefore cares about what I do. If I were to suddenly die or otherwise leave her life, she wouldn't continue any connection with programming. I have no real interest in embroidery or painting, but I am learning about it as I talk with her about her loves and interests. If for some reason I were to lose her, embroidery and painting would cease to be part of my life. I don't see the original author mocking anyone, I see her deploring the fact that so many people don't take a genuine interest in what their life partner does, and which is sometimes their passion. I see the original author suggesting that a genuine effort to understand one's partner's interest will enrich both lives. I've heard that Churchill once said: "If over dinner you find yourself seated next to a manufacturer of glass eyes, take the opportunity to learn about it - you will probably never get the chance again." I've not been able to track down the definitive source, but I don't care - I believe the sentiment to be true, and by following that precept my life is much richer than it once was.
- run4yourlives 16y ago
  I'm not disagreeing with the sentiment at all. As a curious learner it is most certainly something I employ myself. I don't restrict that to my wife's passions however. I also don't insist on the behaviour from her towards my passions. It should not be hard to be engaged in your partner’s interests. If it is that hard, you might want consider the possibility that you might be full of yourself This is what I have an issue with. She says this, yet she herself "is interested" in a passion she shares. It's disingenuous, and the only other examples she gives are that of her husband.
  - renaebair 16y ago
    I'll give a couple more examples: I consider myself to have very liberal political views. My father is a strict honest to god Republican and teetering Tea Party sympathizer. In order to be able to better understand his point of view, I have a button on my car radio set to his Republican political station. Every now and then I listen to it, even though I despise it. But I get a little glimpse into what he believes in, and what he's listening to it. Personally, I couldn't care less what the right-wing nut jobs are ranting about, but I do care about being able to communicate with my Dad about his interests. Another: a good friend is a very talented amateur photographer. I know nothing about photography and it is not a personal interest of my own. But since my friend started learning, I ask him questions about the cameras he is buying, and the specs on each, the techniques he is practicing, etc. Because of this, my friend gets to share a really important part of his life with me, and I get to learn new things about photography and gain a certain appreciation for that art and the work that goes into it. Take the husband/wife element out of my article. What it boils down to is opening our minds to things outside of our own spectrum. In turn, it makes the other person feel valued that you take the time to understand some basics about what they love. I'm not suggesting that a programer's spouse should drop his/her career and become a programmer. But knowing enough to be able to hold some conversation with him/her and to be able to relate with them on some level shows that you're willing to step outside yourself, and think about what's important to the other person. I think we do this all the time in our relationships - we try to relate to our SO constantly. But programming seems to be one of those interests that are just avoided altogether in many cases.
renaebair 16y ago
When I met Adam, we had very few similar interests. I was a political science and philosophy major. Very social, nature-loving, etc. He was programming, hacking phone lines and owning at video games from a young age. When Adam introduced himself, my computer at the time was a Packard Bell 486 and I remember asking Adam if he could put Windows 98 on it so I could try to play a couple video games with him. He laughed at me, and simply said, "Nope, that's not going to work." :) I was never in the D&D or computer nerd crowd growing up. My small town Maine school was focused strictly on athletics. The most I had used a computer was to send aim messages to my HS boyfriend while he was at college. My own geekery really only started because I took the time to listen to Adam and pay attention to what he was doing. I was able to see how much fun he was having with his hobbies, and I wanted to be a part of that. My interests grew over time, but I'm quite sure that I wouldn't know a thing about programming, or the Ruby ecosystem today if I didn't make an effort to be engaged in his personal interests, even though they were so foreign to me at the time.
deleted 16y ago
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kscaldef 16y ago

She doesn't say that couples have to have the same passions. She says that you should at least know something about what your partner does, beyond just their job title.

run4yourlives 16y ago
And that's what I question, for two reasons: 1. The example of herself is invalid. Her interests in Ruby go beyond an interest in her husband's passion. They are her own passions. For some reason I don't think his interest in ballet is of the same quality. I'm sure there is something that she "tolerates" rather than "also enjoys", but she doesn't provide any data here. 2. I don't think it's required for my wife to know my programming passion to the levels of knowing that I prefer Python as a language any more than she should be required to know that the pilot-in-common sits on the left side of the aircraft in that profession. The fact is that your programming passion in many cases is just one of your many interests. Provided that there are many areas that overlap with a significant other, in my mind it is silly to criticize those that don't share this particular one.
- spitfire 16y ago
  Pilot-in-command.
  - run4yourlives 16y ago
    lol, -1 google spellcheck. Thanks for the correction.
- nailer 16y ago
  1. Agreed with her actually writing something. 2. Disagreed. It's reasonable to understand your partners passions and career. I'd be disappointed in my wife not knowing I like Python and why - she'd probably tell someone 'because he can't be bothered telling the computer than 17 is a number'. I, conversely, know a great deal more about ballet, fashion production, textiles and event management - if someone asked me 'classical or jazz', I'd know the answer, the difference, and why. It would be pretty lazy for me not to.

abstractbill 16y ago

Anyone who says "Programming? My husband does something like that I think." deserves, if not mockery, then something more like pity. Passion isn't necessary, but why bother being in a close relationship with another person if you're not even going to learn what it is that they spend their time working on?

run4yourlives 16y ago
Programming? My husband does something like that I think." deserves, if not mockery, then something more like pity. Issues with programmer ego aside, how is this any different from suggesting that your husband is a doctor without saying he is a pediatrician, a lawyer without saying he specializes in tax law, or a pilot without mentioning that he flies F-16C's? but why bother being in a close relationship with another person if you're not even going to learn what it is that they spend their time working on? For the same reason that you have no idea what this year's hot brand of shoes is: it's not a common interest. Now, not having ANYTHING in common isn't exactly promising. However suggesting that this particular passion is more important than others - simply because you happen to share it - isn't exactly insightful.
- abstractbill 16y ago
  Peoples' day jobs are generally something they spend at least 8 hours a day, 5 days a week doing. That's what makes them more important to know at least something about. I don't know anyone who spends that much time thinking about shoes.
  - run4yourlives 16y ago
    So, you are essentially suggesting one of two things: 1. People are their professions, fundamentally. 2. You would have an issue with me not knowing the shoe answer if my wife worked for a shoe designer. I take issue with both statements.
    - abstractbill 16y ago

RiderOfGiraffes 16y ago

I disagree with you entirely. My wife has no real interest in programming, but is learning about it through conversations because she cares about me, and therefore cares about what I do. If I were to suddenly die or otherwise leave her life, she wouldn't continue any connection with programming. I have no real interest in embroidery or painting, but I am learning about it as I talk with her about her loves and interests. If for some reason I were to lose her, embroidery and painting would cease to be part of my life. I don't see the original author mocking anyone, I see her deploring the fact that so many people don't take a genuine interest in what their life partner does, and which is sometimes their passion. I see the original author suggesting that a genuine effort to understand one's partner's interest will enrich both lives. I've heard that Churchill once said: "If over dinner you find yourself seated next to a manufacturer of glass eyes, take the opportunity to learn about it - you will probably never get the chance again." I've not been able to track down the definitive source, but I don't care - I believe the sentiment to be true, and by following that precept my life is much richer than it once was.

run4yourlives 16y ago
I'm not disagreeing with the sentiment at all. As a curious learner it is most certainly something I employ myself. I don't restrict that to my wife's passions however. I also don't insist on the behaviour from her towards my passions. It should not be hard to be engaged in your partner’s interests. If it is that hard, you might want consider the possibility that you might be full of yourself This is what I have an issue with. She says this, yet she herself "is interested" in a passion she shares. It's disingenuous, and the only other examples she gives are that of her husband.
- renaebair 16y ago
  I'll give a couple more examples: I consider myself to have very liberal political views. My father is a strict honest to god Republican and teetering Tea Party sympathizer. In order to be able to better understand his point of view, I have a button on my car radio set to his Republican political station. Every now and then I listen to it, even though I despise it. But I get a little glimpse into what he believes in, and what he's listening to it. Personally, I couldn't care less what the right-wing nut jobs are ranting about, but I do care about being able to communicate with my Dad about his interests. Another: a good friend is a very talented amateur photographer. I know nothing about photography and it is not a personal interest of my own. But since my friend started learning, I ask him questions about the cameras he is buying, and the specs on each, the techniques he is practicing, etc. Because of this, my friend gets to share a really important part of his life with me, and I get to learn new things about photography and gain a certain appreciation for that art and the work that goes into it. Take the husband/wife element out of my article. What it boils down to is opening our minds to things outside of our own spectrum. In turn, it makes the other person feel valued that you take the time to understand some basics about what they love. I'm not suggesting that a programer's spouse should drop his/her career and become a programmer. But knowing enough to be able to hold some conversation with him/her and to be able to relate with them on some level shows that you're willing to step outside yourself, and think about what's important to the other person. I think we do this all the time in our relationships - we try to relate to our SO constantly. But programming seems to be one of those interests that are just avoided altogether in many cases.

renaebair 16y ago

When I met Adam, we had very few similar interests. I was a political science and philosophy major. Very social, nature-loving, etc. He was programming, hacking phone lines and owning at video games from a young age. When Adam introduced himself, my computer at the time was a Packard Bell 486 and I remember asking Adam if he could put Windows 98 on it so I could try to play a couple video games with him. He laughed at me, and simply said, "Nope, that's not going to work." :) I was never in the D&D or computer nerd crowd growing up. My small town Maine school was focused strictly on athletics. The most I had used a computer was to send aim messages to my HS boyfriend while he was at college. My own geekery really only started because I took the time to listen to Adam and pay attention to what he was doing. I was able to see how much fun he was having with his hobbies, and I wanted to be a part of that. My interests grew over time, but I'm quite sure that I wouldn't know a thing about programming, or the Ruby ecosystem today if I didn't make an effort to be engaged in his personal interests, even though they were so foreign to me at the time.

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]