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Doesn't this attitude perpetuate the harmful stereotype that men are not in control of their own sexual urges? Shouldn't someone in a committed relationship be

Doesn't this attitude perpetuate the harmful stereotype that men are not in control of their own sexual urges? Shouldn't someone in a committed relationship be able to control themselves better? Do you really not trust yourself?

backpropaganda 9y ago
I think for some definition of "not in control", I would agree that men are not in control of their sexual urges. More specifically, while I think in most situations I'd be fine, but if I've had one too many drinks, and the social situation "feels" appropriate to me, it might be possible that I do something which I'd later regret.
DoofusOfDeath 9y ago
Short answer: would you say the same thing to a recovering alcoholic regarding hanging out with his old drinking buddies at a bar? tl;dr For me, it's a matter of risk tolerance. I have a very low tolerance for the risk of cheating on my wife. So based on my best understanding of the circumstances that tend to increase the likelihood of infidelity, I try hard to avoid those circumstances. > Doesn't this attitude perpetuate the harmful stereotype that men are not in control of their own sexual urges? First, "stereotype perpetuation" isn't something that just happens to people. A person has some ability to accept or reject adopting belief in a stereotype. So I'll let other people take responsibility for what they believe regarding this topic. Secondly, what you're seeing is a male being in control of his sexual urges. My post was simply giving insight into one of the mechanisms by which I do it. > Shouldn't someone in a committed relationship be able to control themselves better? Well ideally, yeah. But I didn't design the human condition. > Do you really not trust yourself? I try to have an accurate understanding of my strengths and weaknesses, and to plan accordingly.
- roflc0ptic 9y ago
  Per my anthropology class in college, about 10 percent of men and women answered “yes” to a question like “have you cheated on your partner in the last year?” It’s a little inhumane to make individual men responsible for the weight of western civilization’s treatment of women when they’re trying to do right by their partners. I determined years ago that I’m some combination of unwilling or unable to maintain monogamous relationships, so I stopped making that commitment. Even without that constraint, being romantically engaged with people is at best distracting and at worst destructive, and so structure my life so as to avoid engendering those feelings. When I spend time with members of the sex I find attractive, I inevitably want to escalate. It’s my unsubstantiated conjecture that this is why traditional societies had separate gender roles. Same sex groups take so much less emotional energy.

backpropaganda 9y ago

I think for some definition of "not in control", I would agree that men are not in control of their sexual urges. More specifically, while I think in most situations I'd be fine, but if I've had one too many drinks, and the social situation "feels" appropriate to me, it might be possible that I do something which I'd later regret.

DoofusOfDeath 9y ago

Short answer: would you say the same thing to a recovering alcoholic regarding hanging out with his old drinking buddies at a bar? tl;dr For me, it's a matter of risk tolerance. I have a very low tolerance for the risk of cheating on my wife. So based on my best understanding of the circumstances that tend to increase the likelihood of infidelity, I try hard to avoid those circumstances. > Doesn't this attitude perpetuate the harmful stereotype that men are not in control of their own sexual urges? First, "stereotype perpetuation" isn't something that just happens to people. A person has some ability to accept or reject adopting belief in a stereotype. So I'll let other people take responsibility for what they believe regarding this topic. Secondly, what you're seeing is a male being in control of his sexual urges. My post was simply giving insight into one of the mechanisms by which I do it. > Shouldn't someone in a committed relationship be able to control themselves better? Well ideally, yeah. But I didn't design the human condition. > Do you really not trust yourself? I try to have an accurate understanding of my strengths and weaknesses, and to plan accordingly.

roflc0ptic 9y ago
Per my anthropology class in college, about 10 percent of men and women answered “yes” to a question like “have you cheated on your partner in the last year?” It’s a little inhumane to make individual men responsible for the weight of western civilization’s treatment of women when they’re trying to do right by their partners. I determined years ago that I’m some combination of unwilling or unable to maintain monogamous relationships, so I stopped making that commitment. Even without that constraint, being romantically engaged with people is at best distracting and at worst destructive, and so structure my life so as to avoid engendering those feelings. When I spend time with members of the sex I find attractive, I inevitably want to escalate. It’s my unsubstantiated conjecture that this is why traditional societies had separate gender roles. Same sex groups take so much less emotional energy.