4 ms·

I'm sure I must be exhibiting some form of hetero-privilege here, but I never got offended by any of the people who referred to my wife as "my partner".

wumpus 9y ago
That's nice for you. I suppose you didn't notice that for a while gay people were only allowed to become "domestic partners", not married? I hope that now you don't now refer to your gay co-workers who are married as having "partners". Because it's not about you. The Golden Rule is not "call people by the name you are ok with if you were them", it's "call people by the name they want to be called by". If you like, I can pull out my Miss Manners book and quote that rule to you, from the 1950s.
- refurb 9y ago
  I was going to say something like "is everyone taking crazy pills?", but I'll aim for a more serious response. The problem is that people read way too much into what other people say. It sounds like you hear "partner? this person is clearly insensitive to the history of discrimination again LGBT people." Instead try "I don't like the word partner, but it is a pretty standard term for not only the unmarried, but also married people. This guy probably doesn't understand it bothers me, but I'll give him the benefit that he meant no harm."
  - wumpus 9y ago
    Actually, I'm with the second, not the first. And so is my gay friend in NYC. It's just that he's scared that his boss is actually a passive-aggressive homophobe and he's going to get fired for politely insisting on "husband".
    - refurb 9y ago
      Does he have evidence his boss is a passive agressive homophobe beyond his use of the word "partner"?
      - greglindahl 9y ago
        No, and he's not accusing his boss of anything. He's just scared. Keep in mind that he spent the first decade of his career working in places where he could be legally fired for being gay. And there are lots of parts of the US where he could still be legally fired for being gay.
- CodeWriter23 9y ago
  I prefer "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" where self-help books are concerned. Also, my rule when dealing with others is don't mistake for malice that which can be explained by ignorance or incompetence. AKA give someone the benefit of the doubt. And in the specific case you mention, I'll say as a gay marriage advocate, that someone who doesn't believe in gay marriage should not be forced to use terms they believe apply only to heterosexual marriages. IMO both of those people are entitled to their views and preferences and both need to agree to disagree. Without being disagreeable.
vfulco 9y ago
That's awesome. I am guessing you don't place a chip on your shoulder every morning either, just begging someone to knock it off.

wumpus 9y ago

That's nice for you. I suppose you didn't notice that for a while gay people were only allowed to become "domestic partners", not married? I hope that now you don't now refer to your gay co-workers who are married as having "partners". Because it's not about you. The Golden Rule is not "call people by the name you are ok with if you were them", it's "call people by the name they want to be called by". If you like, I can pull out my Miss Manners book and quote that rule to you, from the 1950s.

refurb 9y ago
I was going to say something like "is everyone taking crazy pills?", but I'll aim for a more serious response. The problem is that people read way too much into what other people say. It sounds like you hear "partner? this person is clearly insensitive to the history of discrimination again LGBT people." Instead try "I don't like the word partner, but it is a pretty standard term for not only the unmarried, but also married people. This guy probably doesn't understand it bothers me, but I'll give him the benefit that he meant no harm."
- wumpus 9y ago
  Actually, I'm with the second, not the first. And so is my gay friend in NYC. It's just that he's scared that his boss is actually a passive-aggressive homophobe and he's going to get fired for politely insisting on "husband".
  - refurb 9y ago
    Does he have evidence his boss is a passive agressive homophobe beyond his use of the word "partner"?
    - greglindahl 9y ago
      No, and he's not accusing his boss of anything. He's just scared. Keep in mind that he spent the first decade of his career working in places where he could be legally fired for being gay. And there are lots of parts of the US where he could still be legally fired for being gay.
CodeWriter23 9y ago
I prefer "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" where self-help books are concerned. Also, my rule when dealing with others is don't mistake for malice that which can be explained by ignorance or incompetence. AKA give someone the benefit of the doubt. And in the specific case you mention, I'll say as a gay marriage advocate, that someone who doesn't believe in gay marriage should not be forced to use terms they believe apply only to heterosexual marriages. IMO both of those people are entitled to their views and preferences and both need to agree to disagree. Without being disagreeable.

vfulco 9y ago

That's awesome. I am guessing you don't place a chip on your shoulder every morning either, just begging someone to knock it off.