4 ms·

A friend of mine is a female PhD candidate in astrophysics, a predominantly male field. She entered graduate school expecting sexism and harassment, and unfortu

A friend of mine is a female PhD candidate in astrophysics, a predominantly male field. She entered graduate school expecting sexism and harassment, and unfortunately that expectation has in large part been borne out. However, one reason why she has been able to endure it is an effort on the part of male astrophysicists--many of them strangers--to intervene when they noticed she was being harassed. One example: while meeting a research group at a post-conference social, a postdoc 10 years her senior put his arm around her. Some turned a blind eye, others were mortified yet inert, but one man got up and asked the postdoc to switch seats with him. The outcome? My friend was spared having to spend her (already scarce) social capital on wiggling out of this dude's arm, some of her faith was restored in the men in her field (reducing the odds she'd eventually quit it entirely), the dude was sent a signal that his behavior was not okay, and the intervener lost nothing for his courage. For us males in male-dominated fields, it is critical that we be mindful of when the non-males we are interacting with are being discriminated against or harassed, and more importantly, that we do something when we notice it. It could be as dramatic as something in this article, or it could be as small as apologizing to the non-male coworker you spoke over or saying that you see the sense in a non-male coworker's idea when it seems like it might be getting criticized more for its creator's gender than its merits.

forapurpose 9y ago
I agree completely. I'll add: If you stand by while something bad happens, you are an accomplice. Your inaction communicates something important: This is ok; it's normal. Your normalize it, and human beings, social creatures that we are, are built to follow the crowd's norms. With a little courage, you can stop sexual harassment from being normalized and shift perception a little the other way. But also, I think men have to be conscious of not objectifying women as damsels in distress, waiting for you to ride to their rescue. If possible, the person should speak for herself - you don't know her or what she wants. Just ask, 'is there something I can do?' or 'you're welcome to join us at our table' or 'I'll be a witness if you need one'.
leaveyou 9y ago
>a postdoc 10 years her senior put his arm around her >My friend was spared having to spend her (already scarce) social capital on wiggling out of this dude's arm Is it really that difficult and "costly" for the woman in this situation to get herself out of this like a grownup ? Just saying politely "hmm, I think there is a misunderstanding.." while she gets up and changes place herself ? A message like that is clear and polite and establishes clear boundaries. I think it's ridiculous and weird to ask all the males to be aware of the relationship dynamics of their female colleagues and anticipate at which point they feel harassed and intervene. Seriously.. and what's next ? Women intervening when other women flirt with a male colleague ?
- cyphunk 9y ago
  I'm sure that someone telling an academic jerk "I think there is a misunderstanding" also happens, but I doubt I would have the patience and strength to always do that when it happens often. Also, someone else saying it has a greater impact on changing the overall harassment culture than if just the victim themselves said it.
- spython 9y ago
  It costs energy to correct people that are overstepping your boundaries. Even more so doing it in a way that does not get you labeled 'uptight' or 'bitchy'. It also diverts your thoughts and resources to finding a way to feel safe and secure, instead of working and socializing at a conference.
  - leaveyou 9y ago
    I know, I'm a human too..
- jaredklewis 9y ago
  Have you never been in a situation where a women, at a bar or other social event, being corned by a man, looks over at a nearby friend with the expression “help me?” If you’ve seen it, it’s not subtle. I have often seen this scene unfold. So why don’t women in such situations simply tell the man to fuck off? Well, even an average sized man is still many kilograms larger than the average woman. So rather than risk getting knocked out, the average women’s instincts probably tell them to de-escalate the situation and get away. To expect all women in such situations to directly confront their agressors, I think is to expect people to directly reject their basic survival instincts. If someone is clearly being harassed (like I said, look at the face, the expression is not subtle), it only makes sense to offer the victim an easy exit.

forapurpose 9y ago

I agree completely. I'll add: If you stand by while something bad happens, you are an accomplice. Your inaction communicates something important: This is ok; it's normal. Your normalize it, and human beings, social creatures that we are, are built to follow the crowd's norms. With a little courage, you can stop sexual harassment from being normalized and shift perception a little the other way. But also, I think men have to be conscious of not objectifying women as damsels in distress, waiting for you to ride to their rescue. If possible, the person should speak for herself - you don't know her or what she wants. Just ask, 'is there something I can do?' or 'you're welcome to join us at our table' or 'I'll be a witness if you need one'.

leaveyou 9y ago

>a postdoc 10 years her senior put his arm around her >My friend was spared having to spend her (already scarce) social capital on wiggling out of this dude's arm Is it really that difficult and "costly" for the woman in this situation to get herself out of this like a grownup ? Just saying politely "hmm, I think there is a misunderstanding.." while she gets up and changes place herself ? A message like that is clear and polite and establishes clear boundaries. I think it's ridiculous and weird to ask all the males to be aware of the relationship dynamics of their female colleagues and anticipate at which point they feel harassed and intervene. Seriously.. and what's next ? Women intervening when other women flirt with a male colleague ?

cyphunk 9y ago
I'm sure that someone telling an academic jerk "I think there is a misunderstanding" also happens, but I doubt I would have the patience and strength to always do that when it happens often. Also, someone else saying it has a greater impact on changing the overall harassment culture than if just the victim themselves said it.
spython 9y ago
It costs energy to correct people that are overstepping your boundaries. Even more so doing it in a way that does not get you labeled 'uptight' or 'bitchy'. It also diverts your thoughts and resources to finding a way to feel safe and secure, instead of working and socializing at a conference.
- leaveyou 9y ago
  I know, I'm a human too..
jaredklewis 9y ago
Have you never been in a situation where a women, at a bar or other social event, being corned by a man, looks over at a nearby friend with the expression “help me?” If you’ve seen it, it’s not subtle. I have often seen this scene unfold. So why don’t women in such situations simply tell the man to fuck off? Well, even an average sized man is still many kilograms larger than the average woman. So rather than risk getting knocked out, the average women’s instincts probably tell them to de-escalate the situation and get away. To expect all women in such situations to directly confront their agressors, I think is to expect people to directly reject their basic survival instincts. If someone is clearly being harassed (like I said, look at the face, the expression is not subtle), it only makes sense to offer the victim an easy exit.