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I want to plus one everyone saying no. All of their reasons make sense to me. In addition, I'd love to help your confidence with getting used to the idea that

I want to plus one everyone saying no. All of their reasons make sense to me. In addition, I'd love to help your confidence with getting used to the idea that saying no is ok. I remember being in this situation many times and feeling like if we said no we'd lose the client and maybe go out of business. But truly, clients often ask for things that aren't very important to them and they will not mind being told that the answer is no. The mistake you can make here is to blow up your no answer into a big deal. The term I was given for how you should respond is "the principle of the simple explanation." People are totally ready to believe you, so just say no in the simplest way possible. In the middle of some other response just include a line like: "Re: source code access. No, our source code is proprietary and we don't share it." Or even more simply "No, we don't share access to our source code."

vidarh 9y ago
Your no answers reminds me of an experiment I read about where they determined people were more likely to accept a request if you included pretty much any justification, even when totally self evident. E.g people are more likely to cut in line at the copier if you say 'can I cut in line, because I need to make a copy'. Even with an inane excuse like that (everyone else there also needs to make a copy) people are more likely to accept. So your first example is likely the better one, even though the reason given is basically void of explanatory content.
- throwaway613834 9y ago
  To be honest I might be at the copy machine to make a copy but I might not actually need to make it then and there. I might be able to re-print it, or do it later. When someone tells me he needs to do that then I think maybe it's more urgent than mine. I wonder if there are subtleties like this that explain these in reality.
  - vidarh 9y ago
    But that is the case for almost anything. Exceedingly few things are things you need to do right then, right there, or even at all. For some it is more important, and they won't yield, but some proportion will doing something because the cost of doing it is low enough that there's no reason not to. In that case giving a reason creates a cost in persisting in that you need to consciously think through whether or not it's worth arguing over, and if so what to respond. And sometimes that is enough that you'll just shift your focus to something else and not bother. I have no doubt the effectiveness will vary greatly depending on type of action, and that it will vary greatly depending on other factors tied to why people wanted to carry out a given action in the first case, of course, but I also think people ask for or do a lot of things where they have not really made a conscious decision that they need it, just decided on a whim that there's no reason not to ask. Especially with group dynamics involved, it might have been as simple as someone asking a question in a meeting ("do we need the source?" for example) and someone deciding "might as well ask for it, just in case", with nobody actually caring enough to defend it i you stand up to the demand. In that case the need is low enough that even a totally inane excuse for saying no might stand up even if it on the surface looks like a big, important question.
ufmace 9y ago
This. The request may be a big deal to you, but it isn't necessarily a big deal to the client. Don't go big on the ultimatums and alternative plans until they indicate that it is a deal-breaker for them.

vidarh 9y ago

Your no answers reminds me of an experiment I read about where they determined people were more likely to accept a request if you included pretty much any justification, even when totally self evident. E.g people are more likely to cut in line at the copier if you say 'can I cut in line, because I need to make a copy'. Even with an inane excuse like that (everyone else there also needs to make a copy) people are more likely to accept. So your first example is likely the better one, even though the reason given is basically void of explanatory content.

throwaway613834 9y ago
To be honest I might be at the copy machine to make a copy but I might not actually need to make it then and there. I might be able to re-print it, or do it later. When someone tells me he needs to do that then I think maybe it's more urgent than mine. I wonder if there are subtleties like this that explain these in reality.
- vidarh 9y ago
  But that is the case for almost anything. Exceedingly few things are things you need to do right then, right there, or even at all. For some it is more important, and they won't yield, but some proportion will doing something because the cost of doing it is low enough that there's no reason not to. In that case giving a reason creates a cost in persisting in that you need to consciously think through whether or not it's worth arguing over, and if so what to respond. And sometimes that is enough that you'll just shift your focus to something else and not bother. I have no doubt the effectiveness will vary greatly depending on type of action, and that it will vary greatly depending on other factors tied to why people wanted to carry out a given action in the first case, of course, but I also think people ask for or do a lot of things where they have not really made a conscious decision that they need it, just decided on a whim that there's no reason not to ask. Especially with group dynamics involved, it might have been as simple as someone asking a question in a meeting ("do we need the source?" for example) and someone deciding "might as well ask for it, just in case", with nobody actually caring enough to defend it i you stand up to the demand. In that case the need is low enough that even a totally inane excuse for saying no might stand up even if it on the surface looks like a big, important question.

ufmace 9y ago

This. The request may be a big deal to you, but it isn't necessarily a big deal to the client. Don't go big on the ultimatums and alternative plans until they indicate that it is a deal-breaker for them.