I have this strange dichotomy where I am happy if my friends succeed, but I am also kind of happy if they don‘t. Seems like I learned to feel good for other pe

I have this strange dichotomy where I am happy if my friends succeed, but I am also kind of happy if they don‘t. Seems like I learned to feel good for other people‘s accomplishments, but I haven‘t unlearned comparing myself to them, and feeling good if I accomplish something they do not.