4 ms·

I think they were just trying to contribute to the discussion. Why assume a hostile position towards the comment?

DoreenMichele 9y ago
If it is mere contribution to the discussion, it is quite badly handled. If they did not intend to rebut me, they could have posted it as a top level comment instead of as a reply. If they wished to engage me without coming across as dismissive, the framing of it needs a lot of work. Your comment also comes across as subtly dismissive and accusatory due to what you choose to comment on here. If you only wish to engage in discussion, why feel the need to criticize my reply? Why not say something constructive in response to my top level comment above? Women, people of color, the poor and other disenfranchised groups face this sort of thing a great deal. It is rather maddening as it puts people in a no win situation. Such groups get no respect. When they complain of it, it is yet another thing to criticise them for. It would be nice if the world stopped such insidious patterns.
- adrianN 9y ago
  No offense, but I think you're misinterpreting a normal pattern of discussion on this site. jpatokal's comment was pretty clearly not trying to dismiss your experience as invalid but simply contributed a similar story.
  - DoreenMichele 9y ago
    No offense, but your comment merely continues the insidious pattern I wish would end. Edit: If you are assuming I am new here because of the green handle, you are in error.
    - mrunkel 9y ago
      You seem to be reading a lot into some very innocuous responses. I read jpatokal's response as simple addressing your point that the original author didn't make his point. There was no explicit criticism in the post. Several of us now have tried to point out that we didn't detect any implicit criticism either, but you've take all of these very friendly responses as further attacks. As far as I can tell, nobody is being hostile or making assumptions here except for you.
      - DoreenMichele 9y ago
        And yet the pile on of criticism continues while I get downvoted for calmly replying. I was asked a question. I answered. That has been downvoted and more and more people pile on to explain to me the error of my ways for answering the question in good faith, yet no one seems to see how that pattern is inherently dismissive of me.
        the-dude 9y ago
        There exists corrective upvoters. Why have you chosen not to use your regular account?
        deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
        deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
  - musage 9y ago
    Just because it's normal here doesn't mean it's not what it is.
totalZero 9y ago
Perhaps it's because some startup nerd just rolled along and quoted an Atlantic article in response to a very personal comment about very difficult circumstances, quoting something in disagreement without contributing a shred of original conscious thought.
- jpatokal 9y ago
  "Startup nerd" (LOL) here. I linked to the article because I thought it was an insightful illustration of the life of the "motel homeless". No more, no less, no disagreement (with what, exactly?) intended or implied.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
  - totalZero 9y ago
    We're on Y Combinator's news aggregator and anything said in this environment is being read, voted on, and replied to by a bunch of startup nerds. That's largely what we are. It's not an insult, and it applies to me too. Along with the positive things about this cohort, this means that the easiest things to say around here are a combination of CS/engineering social cluelessness and startup founder "hey, look at this useless but trendy/interesting thing." --- Parent is posting about how there's something missing in the article -- a sense of normalcy in a motel room that comes from being able to do regular things for a moment. The passage you quoted takes a contradictory tack, indicating that motels have a sad side as well for many homeless folks. You describe the sentiment as "quiet desperation," without really taking the time to say anything about the parent comment. Neither is right, neither is wrong, both are simply vantage points on an experience. However.... It's bizarre, to me at least, that one person shares thoughts from a deeply difficult personal experience and the response simply quotes a block of text from a magazine (...owned by Steve Jobs' billionaire widow, no less. Welcome to HN, where even the commentary about homelessness comes from the mouthpiece for a tech billionaire in Palo Alto.) It's like there's a human element missing, a nonfunctioning ligand that would make it a bit easier to connect. It's pretty obvious from the parent comment that you're talking to someone who has seen some rough times, but you literally just quoted a passage from an article that's contradictory to the parent's message without cribbing it in any sort of meaningful way. I mean, this isn't even my thread. I've never been homeless and I like reading magazines too. But I see why the parent commenter reacted defensively, and I am trying to tell you what I see.

If it is mere contribution to the discussion, it is quite badly handled. If they did not intend to rebut me, they could have posted it as a top level comment instead of as a reply. If they wished to engage me without coming across as dismissive, the framing of it needs a lot of work. Your comment also comes across as subtly dismissive and accusatory due to what you choose to comment on here. If you only wish to engage in discussion, why feel the need to criticize my reply? Why not say something constructive in response to my top level comment above? Women, people of color, the poor and other disenfranchised groups face this sort of thing a great deal. It is rather maddening as it puts people in a no win situation. Such groups get no respect. When they complain of it, it is yet another thing to criticise them for. It would be nice if the world stopped such insidious patterns.

adrianN 9y ago
No offense, but I think you're misinterpreting a normal pattern of discussion on this site. jpatokal's comment was pretty clearly not trying to dismiss your experience as invalid but simply contributed a similar story.
- DoreenMichele 9y ago
  No offense, but your comment merely continues the insidious pattern I wish would end. Edit: If you are assuming I am new here because of the green handle, you are in error.
  - mrunkel 9y ago
    You seem to be reading a lot into some very innocuous responses. I read jpatokal's response as simple addressing your point that the original author didn't make his point. There was no explicit criticism in the post. Several of us now have tried to point out that we didn't detect any implicit criticism either, but you've take all of these very friendly responses as further attacks. As far as I can tell, nobody is being hostile or making assumptions here except for you.
    - DoreenMichele 9y ago
      And yet the pile on of criticism continues while I get downvoted for calmly replying. I was asked a question. I answered. That has been downvoted and more and more people pile on to explain to me the error of my ways for answering the question in good faith, yet no one seems to see how that pattern is inherently dismissive of me.
      - the-dude 9y ago
        There exists corrective upvoters. Why have you chosen not to use your regular account?
        deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
        deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
- musage 9y ago
  Just because it's normal here doesn't mean it's not what it is.

totalZero 9y ago

Perhaps it's because some startup nerd just rolled along and quoted an Atlantic article in response to a very personal comment about very difficult circumstances, quoting something in disagreement without contributing a shred of original conscious thought.

jpatokal 9y ago
"Startup nerd" (LOL) here. I linked to the article because I thought it was an insightful illustration of the life of the "motel homeless". No more, no less, no disagreement (with what, exactly?) intended or implied.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- totalZero 9y ago
  We're on Y Combinator's news aggregator and anything said in this environment is being read, voted on, and replied to by a bunch of startup nerds. That's largely what we are. It's not an insult, and it applies to me too. Along with the positive things about this cohort, this means that the easiest things to say around here are a combination of CS/engineering social cluelessness and startup founder "hey, look at this useless but trendy/interesting thing." --- Parent is posting about how there's something missing in the article -- a sense of normalcy in a motel room that comes from being able to do regular things for a moment. The passage you quoted takes a contradictory tack, indicating that motels have a sad side as well for many homeless folks. You describe the sentiment as "quiet desperation," without really taking the time to say anything about the parent comment. Neither is right, neither is wrong, both are simply vantage points on an experience. However.... It's bizarre, to me at least, that one person shares thoughts from a deeply difficult personal experience and the response simply quotes a block of text from a magazine (...owned by Steve Jobs' billionaire widow, no less. Welcome to HN, where even the commentary about homelessness comes from the mouthpiece for a tech billionaire in Palo Alto.) It's like there's a human element missing, a nonfunctioning ligand that would make it a bit easier to connect. It's pretty obvious from the parent comment that you're talking to someone who has seen some rough times, but you literally just quoted a passage from an article that's contradictory to the parent's message without cribbing it in any sort of meaningful way. I mean, this isn't even my thread. I've never been homeless and I like reading magazines too. But I see why the parent commenter reacted defensively, and I am trying to tell you what I see.