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> In a calm voice I would ask her questions about what she is doing, and those around her. Would you mind to elaborate and give concrete examples? In day care

> In a calm voice I would ask her questions about what she is doing, and those around her. Would you mind to elaborate and give concrete examples? In day care we have a 2y old child (younger brother to a 3.5y old) that bites (hard), scratches and hits other kids when it does not get its way. This goes on for over a year now. The parents dont seem to know how to cope and just shrug it off as "he is just wild, thats what kids do in this age". The other day i could witness myself how he was hitting an older kid with a sound wood full force on the head (because the other kid did not want to give away his toy). The other kid started crying and he had this evil grin, knowing full well he hurt the other kid. What to do with such a child?

throwaway9z9y 9y ago
I’d see a psychologist because your child kinda sounds like a sociopath: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-your-child-is-a-psychopath/524502/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-yo...
- jacobush 9y ago
  It’s not his child
  - throwaway9z9y 9y ago
    I’d see a psychologist because THAT child kinda sounds like a sociopath.
    - throwaway9z9y 9y ago
      I know this is HN and the mob is capricious and vengeful, but the downvotes make no sense. Hurting other children and laughing about it is actually a frightening symptom of sociopathy. But I know The Atlantic isn’t about startups so everyone’s probably just ignoring the article.
      - b4lancesh33t 9y ago
        Your advice is unhelpful, in two ways. One, you're suggesting a psychological diagnosis without nearly enough information. Two, the action you suggest taking (see a psychologist) is not an avenue available to the person you're talking to. How would them seeing a psychologist help when another person's child is the perpetrator? That's my guess about why you are being downvoted. If I had enough karma, I'd do the same.
        throwawaydjrix 9y ago
        Jesus Fuck, fine then TELL THE PARENTS OF THE FUCKED UP KID TO TAKE THEIR CHILD TO A PSYCHOLOGIST. Are you people so incredibly dense that you can’t extrapolate and divine meaning? Oh right, this is the same crowd that thought that a guy winning with a write-in vote of himself was actually serious about seceding from the United States and declaring every Tuesday Taco Tuesday. > If I had enough karma, I’d do the same. Please. No. Oh god, not a downvote. Mercy me, I’m so glad you didn’t downvote! I’ve truly been spared.
    - true_religion 9y ago
      You cannot diagnose sociopathy or psychopathy in toddlers.
jacobush 9y ago
Nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
isodude 9y ago
If the kid where given special training in lending/giving, with a lot of positive feedback, that may have a great effect. That is, not just that kid, but let the whole group do exercises where the good behavior is given a lot of positive feedback. Give no feedback on the bad but rather on the good, and let them have chances to do good, i.e. stopping the bad event in the track and give them a chance to turn it around. At our local daycare they run campaigns certain story where they do all kind of games/workshops with the characters in the story the chose. I as a parent feel that it's empowering me as well, because I can easily relate to my kid at home or the playground when somethings off. It's not something you do one day, but rather a couple of months, interacting with lecturers that instruct staff in the day care how to do it properly etc. From what I have talked with the staff they enjoy it very much as well. This combined with tailored structure is powerful. AFAIK universities/research are quite interested in this. We do have such a kid in they neighborhood and on the daycare, they think a lot of how to turn it around though. I hope that they will find a way to reach that kid with their current tool set. I think focused efforts on that kid/group for a longer period would have a good effect.
buxtehude 9y ago
The child is a danger to other kids and should be expelled from the day care. If the day care isn't willing to do that you should find a new safer day care for your child. --edit: I just want to add that as was posted this behavior has been ongoing for over 1 year now, and the child is physically assaulting other children by hard biting (possibly breaking skin??), scratching and hitting "full force" another child on their head. The severity and chronic nature of the bad behavior I think requires attention that this particular day care has not been able to provide. Additionally it is putting the other children continually at risk. If these were adults, we wouldn't think twice about removing the individual. However since these are "just" preschoolers - is it somehow acceptable for kids to be subjected to these kinds of dangers? We rationalize that it's ok to send our children into such a stressful and potentially dangerous environment - and sometimes it is indeed "kids being kids" - but not in this case imo. I respect and admire the compassion shown by some posts here to try to "fix" the child who is misbehaving. But the safety of the other children also has to be considered. My son's daycare had a similar child who would bite and throw things when he didn't get his way. They tried to work with the child and the parents but after a while they expelled the child for the safety of the other children.
DanBC 9y ago
> What to do with such a child? In the UK (and this advice might not work elsewhere): make a referral to child protective social services. The child is exhibiting behaviour that's harmful to other people, and to the child. The parents are not addressing that behaviour. The child needs support to change the behaviour. The route to that support (such as access to a parenting course like Webster-Stratton) is via child protective social services. If they go through a parenting course and the behaviour isn't changing there are a range of other things - referral to CAMHS for assessments for autism or ADHD or other disorders - that can be tried. Child protective social workers should not be punitive, and this isn't about removing the child from the parents, so this advice doesn't apply to countries with dysfunctional child protective systems.

throwaway9z9y 9y ago

I’d see a psychologist because your child kinda sounds like a sociopath: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-your-child-is-a-psychopath/524502/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-yo...

jacobush 9y ago
It’s not his child
- throwaway9z9y 9y ago
  I’d see a psychologist because THAT child kinda sounds like a sociopath.
  - throwaway9z9y 9y ago
    I know this is HN and the mob is capricious and vengeful, but the downvotes make no sense. Hurting other children and laughing about it is actually a frightening symptom of sociopathy. But I know The Atlantic isn’t about startups so everyone’s probably just ignoring the article.
    - b4lancesh33t 9y ago
      Your advice is unhelpful, in two ways. One, you're suggesting a psychological diagnosis without nearly enough information. Two, the action you suggest taking (see a psychologist) is not an avenue available to the person you're talking to. How would them seeing a psychologist help when another person's child is the perpetrator? That's my guess about why you are being downvoted. If I had enough karma, I'd do the same.
      - throwawaydjrix 9y ago
        Jesus Fuck, fine then TELL THE PARENTS OF THE FUCKED UP KID TO TAKE THEIR CHILD TO A PSYCHOLOGIST. Are you people so incredibly dense that you can’t extrapolate and divine meaning? Oh right, this is the same crowd that thought that a guy winning with a write-in vote of himself was actually serious about seceding from the United States and declaring every Tuesday Taco Tuesday. > If I had enough karma, I’d do the same. Please. No. Oh god, not a downvote. Mercy me, I’m so glad you didn’t downvote! I’ve truly been spared.
  - true_religion 9y ago
    You cannot diagnose sociopathy or psychopathy in toddlers.

jacobush 9y ago

Nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

isodude 9y ago

If the kid where given special training in lending/giving, with a lot of positive feedback, that may have a great effect. That is, not just that kid, but let the whole group do exercises where the good behavior is given a lot of positive feedback. Give no feedback on the bad but rather on the good, and let them have chances to do good, i.e. stopping the bad event in the track and give them a chance to turn it around. At our local daycare they run campaigns certain story where they do all kind of games/workshops with the characters in the story the chose. I as a parent feel that it's empowering me as well, because I can easily relate to my kid at home or the playground when somethings off. It's not something you do one day, but rather a couple of months, interacting with lecturers that instruct staff in the day care how to do it properly etc. From what I have talked with the staff they enjoy it very much as well. This combined with tailored structure is powerful. AFAIK universities/research are quite interested in this. We do have such a kid in they neighborhood and on the daycare, they think a lot of how to turn it around though. I hope that they will find a way to reach that kid with their current tool set. I think focused efforts on that kid/group for a longer period would have a good effect.

buxtehude 9y ago

The child is a danger to other kids and should be expelled from the day care. If the day care isn't willing to do that you should find a new safer day care for your child. --edit: I just want to add that as was posted this behavior has been ongoing for over 1 year now, and the child is physically assaulting other children by hard biting (possibly breaking skin??), scratching and hitting "full force" another child on their head. The severity and chronic nature of the bad behavior I think requires attention that this particular day care has not been able to provide. Additionally it is putting the other children continually at risk. If these were adults, we wouldn't think twice about removing the individual. However since these are "just" preschoolers - is it somehow acceptable for kids to be subjected to these kinds of dangers? We rationalize that it's ok to send our children into such a stressful and potentially dangerous environment - and sometimes it is indeed "kids being kids" - but not in this case imo. I respect and admire the compassion shown by some posts here to try to "fix" the child who is misbehaving. But the safety of the other children also has to be considered. My son's daycare had a similar child who would bite and throw things when he didn't get his way. They tried to work with the child and the parents but after a while they expelled the child for the safety of the other children.

DanBC 9y ago

> What to do with such a child? In the UK (and this advice might not work elsewhere): make a referral to child protective social services. The child is exhibiting behaviour that's harmful to other people, and to the child. The parents are not addressing that behaviour. The child needs support to change the behaviour. The route to that support (such as access to a parenting course like Webster-Stratton) is via child protective social services. If they go through a parenting course and the behaviour isn't changing there are a range of other things - referral to CAMHS for assessments for autism or ADHD or other disorders - that can be tried. Child protective social workers should not be punitive, and this isn't about removing the child from the parents, so this advice doesn't apply to countries with dysfunctional child protective systems.