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With my daughter, I avoided telling her something was wrong, or bad. If she was doing something that negatively impacted the people around her, I'd hold her att
by brokensyntax 9y ago
With my daughter, I avoided telling her something was wrong, or bad.
If she was doing something that negatively impacted the people around her, I'd hold her attention. (This practice started around nine months, so quite literally held her attention. Both hands, and maintained eye contact.)
In a calm voice I would ask her questions about what she is doing, and those around her. She's usually come to an understanding of her own, pre-veral she'd go give hugs and change her behaviour. Post-verbal she would apologize, and change her behaviour.
I was always very proud of her ability to learn and look at out side perspectives. Even if she had to be prompted into viewing them.
I recently thought about this, (earlier today actually). How it differs from sending to their room or corner to "think about what they did."
They don't know at that age what they did. Heck up into young teen years. What do YOU do when sent to your room? If you're like me, you stomped, you sulked, you threw things, you thought about how much everyone hates you. That you're just a burden, that no one would even notice if you were gone... Then your think, no they'll notice, that they have less food to make, less expenses etc, all the ways your mere existence is a burden. Maybe, again, if you're like me, you drift into thought about your grandparents, they love you, they'll miss you. You're never a burden to them. You contemplate running away, maybe to their house. But at no point, do you think about apologizing, what did you do? They're just mean control freaks!
So if you didn't come to think about your actions, you an intelligent, thought oriented, hacker type, what hope does your adolescent child have?
Share your wisdom and insight. They'll learn better if you let them think and help them to it, than if you tell them to and leave it at that. They might even help you think about new perspectives, who knows.
- splittingTimes 9y ago> In a calm voice I would ask her questions about what she is doing, and those around her. Would you mind to elaborate and give concrete examples? In day care we have a 2y old child (younger brother to a 3.5y old) that bites (hard), scratches and hits other kids when it does not get its way. This goes on for over a year now. The parents dont seem to know how to cope and just shrug it off as "he is just wild, thats what kids do in this age". The other day i could witness myself how he was hitting an older kid with a sound wood full force on the head (because the other kid did not want to give away his toy). The other kid started crying and he had this evil grin, knowing full well he hurt the other kid. What to do with such a child?
- throwaway9z9y 9y agoI’d see a psychologist because your child kinda sounds like a sociopath: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-your-child-is-a-psychopath/524502/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-yo...
- jacobush 9y agoIt’s not his child
- throwaway9z9y 9y agoI’d see a psychologist because THAT child kinda sounds like a sociopath.
- throwaway9z9y 9y agoI know this is HN and the mob is capricious and vengeful, but the downvotes make no sense. Hurting other children and laughing about it is actually a frightening symptom of sociopathy. But I know The Atlantic isn’t about startups so everyone’s probably just ignoring the article.
- b4lancesh33t 9y agoYour advice is unhelpful, in two ways. One, you're suggesting a psychological diagnosis without nearly enough information. Two, the action you suggest taking (see a psychologist) is not an avenue available to the person you're talking to. How would them seeing a psychologist help when another person's child is the perpetrator? That's my guess about why you are being downvoted. If I had enough karma, I'd do the same.
- throwawaydjrix 9y agoJesus Fuck, fine then TELL THE PARENTS OF THE FUCKED UP KID TO TAKE THEIR CHILD TO A PSYCHOLOGIST. Are you people so incredibly dense that you can’t extrapolate and divine meaning? Oh right, this is the same crowd that thought that a guy winning with a write-in vote of himself was actually serious about seceding from the United States and declaring every Tuesday Taco Tuesday. > If I had enough karma, I’d do the same. Please. No. Oh god, not a downvote. Mercy me, I’m so glad you didn’t downvote! I’ve truly been spared.