6 ms·

> I am a former homemaker and full-time mom. My wife who is also a homemaker and stay-at home mom. She has heard remarks from family, acquaintances and even ra

by rdtsc 9y ago

> I am a former homemaker and full-time mom. My wife who is also a homemaker and stay-at home mom. She has heard remarks from family, acquaintances and even random parents playing with kids at the park how she was throwing her university degree down the drain and how somehow she doesn't "need to stay home" and can do whatever she wants. They don't seem to understand that what she wants to do currently is to raise kids.

DoreenMichele 9y ago
There is some statistic showing that every dollar invested in our small children saves multiple dollars down the line for things like the prison system. Any feminism that cannot honor, respect and support the importance of full time parenting is an ideology I want no part of. To my mind, the only good feminism is one that insists that full time parenting should be an equally legitimate choice for either parent, not just the mother.
- orsenthil 9y ago
  "To my mind, the only good feminism is one that insists that full-time parenting should be an equally legitimate choice for either parent, not just the mother." I love this quote.
ggg9990 9y ago
A university degree costs much more to provide than one pays for it, so she is throwing a commons resource down the drain. I don't think it's implementable, but I'd support a fine for dropping out of the workforce that makes stay-at-home moms and dads with advanced education have to pay back the full cost of their education.
- DoreenMichele 9y ago
  Children are a resource that creates our future. It would be super nice if society stopped acting like investing in our children is a waste of resources while wondering why the world is going to hell.
  - ggg9990 9y ago
    Investing in children isn't a waste but getting a graduate degree to do it is.
    - DoreenMichele 9y ago
      I homeschooled my 2xe sons. I served as Director of Community Life for the TAG Project for a time. This was support for my ability to homeschool my kids in a situation where no school, public or private, was qualified to adequately accommodate them at both ends of the spectrum at the same time, which was what they needed. My oldest has two conditions which can each lead to a neurotic relationship to food severe enough to require in patient intervention. He has a healthy relationship to food because of my approach to handling his issues. There are an awful lot of things that can go wrong in a child's life that can potentially lead to a need for enormous resources at state expense from medical to mental health to behavioral, which can go very differently if there is a sufficiently knowledgeable full time parent to handle it before it goes so very wrong. You are in error. More education is not wasted on raising kids. Your opinion sounds incredibly ignorant to me.
      - abalashov 9y ago
        It also sounds ignorant and ill-considered to me. What baffles me is the amount of people in the US, usually in parochial cultural settings, who lack significant formal education or pedagogical background and are nevertheless deemed fit to home-school their kids. How is this legally possible? Now can a high school drop-out single mom (absent some extraordinary characteristics) possibly provide a well-rounded and adequate curriculum in a variety of general education subjects, ranging from math to literature, to world history, to biology? If anything, the problem is that there aren’t nearly enough PhDs teaching kids.
        ryanmarsh 9y ago
        The online high schools these days are varied and pretty good. If you have a child with special needs or just doesn’t fit into the box the public education system is designed around then homeschooling is the best option. You don’t need a PhD to teach grammar to an 8 year old. There’s also a wealth of incredible videos and teaching materials to help too. If anything I think parents are best suited to teach their own children until high school given the parents have a reasonable IQ.
astura 9y ago
There's impolite people everywhere. If your wife worked outside the home she'd get impolite comments from family, acquaintances, and random strangers about working outside the home instead of being home with the kids. Women who work outside the home get rude comments, women who stay at home get rude comments and you can't even avoid it by opting out of childbearing entirely, those women get rude comments too. I fail to understand what that has to do with feminism or much anything else. BTW, staying at home is the more socially acceptable choice.[1] [1] http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-decline-a-rise-in-stay-at-home-mothers/ http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-d...
- ryanmarsh 9y ago
  If your wife worked outside the home she'd get impolite comments from family, acquaintances, and random strangers about working outside the home instead of being home with the kids. In this day and age? Does that still happen? Asking because honestly that’s so far from my personal experience.
  - astura 9y ago
    Yes, absolutely, it happens a ton. The Duggars even turn it into "wholesome family TV."
  - snegu 9y ago
    Ha! Yes, of course. I get this all the time. Shocked reactions from people when I tell them our baby is in daycare. Sometimes it's more subtle and framed as "oh, it's too bad you can't afford to stay home with him," as if it couldn't possibly have been my choice. Which is to say, I have the highest respect for SAHM moms because it's a damned difficult job.

by rdtsc 9y ago

DoreenMichele 9y ago

There is some statistic showing that every dollar invested in our small children saves multiple dollars down the line for things like the prison system. Any feminism that cannot honor, respect and support the importance of full time parenting is an ideology I want no part of. To my mind, the only good feminism is one that insists that full time parenting should be an equally legitimate choice for either parent, not just the mother.

orsenthil 9y ago
"To my mind, the only good feminism is one that insists that full-time parenting should be an equally legitimate choice for either parent, not just the mother." I love this quote.

ggg9990 9y ago

A university degree costs much more to provide than one pays for it, so she is throwing a commons resource down the drain. I don't think it's implementable, but I'd support a fine for dropping out of the workforce that makes stay-at-home moms and dads with advanced education have to pay back the full cost of their education.

DoreenMichele 9y ago
Children are a resource that creates our future. It would be super nice if society stopped acting like investing in our children is a waste of resources while wondering why the world is going to hell.
- ggg9990 9y ago
  Investing in children isn't a waste but getting a graduate degree to do it is.
  - DoreenMichele 9y ago
    I homeschooled my 2xe sons. I served as Director of Community Life for the TAG Project for a time. This was support for my ability to homeschool my kids in a situation where no school, public or private, was qualified to adequately accommodate them at both ends of the spectrum at the same time, which was what they needed. My oldest has two conditions which can each lead to a neurotic relationship to food severe enough to require in patient intervention. He has a healthy relationship to food because of my approach to handling his issues. There are an awful lot of things that can go wrong in a child's life that can potentially lead to a need for enormous resources at state expense from medical to mental health to behavioral, which can go very differently if there is a sufficiently knowledgeable full time parent to handle it before it goes so very wrong. You are in error. More education is not wasted on raising kids. Your opinion sounds incredibly ignorant to me.
    - abalashov 9y ago
      It also sounds ignorant and ill-considered to me. What baffles me is the amount of people in the US, usually in parochial cultural settings, who lack significant formal education or pedagogical background and are nevertheless deemed fit to home-school their kids. How is this legally possible? Now can a high school drop-out single mom (absent some extraordinary characteristics) possibly provide a well-rounded and adequate curriculum in a variety of general education subjects, ranging from math to literature, to world history, to biology? If anything, the problem is that there aren’t nearly enough PhDs teaching kids.
      - ryanmarsh 9y ago
        The online high schools these days are varied and pretty good. If you have a child with special needs or just doesn’t fit into the box the public education system is designed around then homeschooling is the best option. You don’t need a PhD to teach grammar to an 8 year old. There’s also a wealth of incredible videos and teaching materials to help too. If anything I think parents are best suited to teach their own children until high school given the parents have a reasonable IQ.

astura 9y ago

There's impolite people everywhere. If your wife worked outside the home she'd get impolite comments from family, acquaintances, and random strangers about working outside the home instead of being home with the kids. Women who work outside the home get rude comments, women who stay at home get rude comments and you can't even avoid it by opting out of childbearing entirely, those women get rude comments too. I fail to understand what that has to do with feminism or much anything else. BTW, staying at home is the more socially acceptable choice.[1] [1] http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-decline-a-rise-in-stay-at-home-mothers/ http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-d...

ryanmarsh 9y ago
If your wife worked outside the home she'd get impolite comments from family, acquaintances, and random strangers about working outside the home instead of being home with the kids. In this day and age? Does that still happen? Asking because honestly that’s so far from my personal experience.
- astura 9y ago
  Yes, absolutely, it happens a ton. The Duggars even turn it into "wholesome family TV."
- snegu 9y ago
  Ha! Yes, of course. I get this all the time. Shocked reactions from people when I tell them our baby is in daycare. Sometimes it's more subtle and framed as "oh, it's too bad you can't afford to stay home with him," as if it couldn't possibly have been my choice. Which is to say, I have the highest respect for SAHM moms because it's a damned difficult job.