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Yeah I got pretty wrecked. Sometimes it was "what would your parents/in-laws/wife think if you did this..." Other times it was more insidious, "would your baby

Yeah I got pretty wrecked. Sometimes it was "what would your parents/in-laws/wife think if you did this..." Other times it was more insidious, "would your baby still be so fond of you if you slowly crushed its head". Ugh, I struggle just trying to type that last one out. They would always bring me to tears. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing I suppose. These have disappeared now that our kids is older and our emotional input is requited. I am still contemplating whether I should mention it to my spouse. She knows about my diagnosis in college but not these intrusive thoughts.

Nzen 9y ago
My favorite viruscomix [1] (by Winston Rowntree) deals with intrusive thoughts, by having a homeless character meet her alternate reality self. The conventionally successful self had a better support network, but is still desperately afraid that she will heed her reclusive, despairing aspect. I want to give away the emotional climax, but shouldn't; I cried when I first read it. [1] http://www.viruscomix.com/page590.html http://www.viruscomix.com/page590.html As with pain, we can never really know the scope of anyone else's intrusive thoughts; but know that it is not a unique burden.
kbenson 9y ago
> I am still contemplating whether I should mention it to my spouse. She knows about my diagnosis in college but not these intrusive thoughts. That's a tough one. I'm going to step inand give my two cents, even though I'm not trained in this and don't have a huge amount of experience. Don't share it unless you have a specific setting that allows it to be digested by her slowly, and with professional help to put it into context, and even then have a good reason for doing so. Sharing this with her puts her in the situation of needing to balance her understanding and love of her husband with her love and protectiveness of her children. It's her job to worry about the kids, so even if she's 99% sure there's absolutely no danger, that 1% is hard to accept as a parent. As long as you're sure the situation is safe, saving her from having to obsess over the possibility of those scenarios is doing you both a favor. This of course presupposes that you aren't really a danger, as you've noted. So as long as you're sure of that, I keeping it to yourself is better for your both. I'm of course an untrained outsider looking in though, so take this for whatever it's worth.
- Fnoord 9y ago
  Perhaps this type of information can be shared in a setting with the two subjects plus a professional such as their psychiatrist. I mean, isn't this what e.g. psychologists, psychiatrists, and mediators are for?
  - kbenson 9y ago
    That is what I was getting at with "unless you have a specific setting that allows it to be digested by her slowly, and with professional help to put it into context".

Nzen 9y ago

My favorite viruscomix [1] (by Winston Rowntree) deals with intrusive thoughts, by having a homeless character meet her alternate reality self. The conventionally successful self had a better support network, but is still desperately afraid that she will heed her reclusive, despairing aspect. I want to give away the emotional climax, but shouldn't; I cried when I first read it. [1] http://www.viruscomix.com/page590.html http://www.viruscomix.com/page590.html As with pain, we can never really know the scope of anyone else's intrusive thoughts; but know that it is not a unique burden.

kbenson 9y ago

> I am still contemplating whether I should mention it to my spouse. She knows about my diagnosis in college but not these intrusive thoughts. That's a tough one. I'm going to step inand give my two cents, even though I'm not trained in this and don't have a huge amount of experience. Don't share it unless you have a specific setting that allows it to be digested by her slowly, and with professional help to put it into context, and even then have a good reason for doing so. Sharing this with her puts her in the situation of needing to balance her understanding and love of her husband with her love and protectiveness of her children. It's her job to worry about the kids, so even if she's 99% sure there's absolutely no danger, that 1% is hard to accept as a parent. As long as you're sure the situation is safe, saving her from having to obsess over the possibility of those scenarios is doing you both a favor. This of course presupposes that you aren't really a danger, as you've noted. So as long as you're sure of that, I keeping it to yourself is better for your both. I'm of course an untrained outsider looking in though, so take this for whatever it's worth.

Fnoord 9y ago
Perhaps this type of information can be shared in a setting with the two subjects plus a professional such as their psychiatrist. I mean, isn't this what e.g. psychologists, psychiatrists, and mediators are for?
- kbenson 9y ago
  That is what I was getting at with "unless you have a specific setting that allows it to be digested by her slowly, and with professional help to put it into context".