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This advice is pernicious and self-serving bullshit. You don't know the poster or his/her wife. You don't know the wife. You don't have anywhere near enough
by jaredhansen 9y ago
This advice is pernicious and self-serving bullshit.
You don't know the poster or his/her wife.
You don't know the wife.
You don't have anywhere near enough information (unless you think a BPD diagnosis or suspected diagnosis is in itself sufficient information, in which case you're contradicted by a very well established line of research going back a number of decades; see links I've posted elsewhere in this thread) to assess the poster's wife's mental state or likelihood of recovery.
Your comment completely misunderstands how BPD works and completely misrepresents the likelihood of recovery. I understand that you may need to prove to yourself that you made the right call by cutting off someone with this disorder in the past, and maybe you did -- but that isn't epistemic justification for the very conclusory advice you're offering the poster.
- philwelch 9y agoAdvice is directional, not absolute. Someone isn’t going to divorce their wife just because someone on HN told them to. They’re going to second-guess whether she has BPD and go through mental gymnastics, possibly for years, to avoid doing that. If I’m going to give someone a nudge, I don’t need to nudge them to do that second guessing. They’re going to do that anyway. I need to nudge them to take the situation seriously and follow the logical consequences that follow if they are married to a borderline. If the wife is the rare borderline who actually cares to get treatment and overcome her BPD, I know that this guy is going to give her that second or third or nth chance because that’s exactly what I would have done in his place.
- jansho 9y ago> I need to nudge them to take the situation seriously and follow the logical consequences that follow if they are married to a borderline. No you don’t. It’s clear that the poster is already taking it seriously. Personal advice is ok but the tone should be considered more carefully, especially given that you have had negative experiences before (bias.) > If the wife is the rare borderline who actually cares to get treatment and overcome her BPD... Sheesh.
- philwelch 9y agoI called out my biases. What are yours? When it comes to issues like this, there are people with biases due to their personal experience, there are trained mental health professionals, and then there are people who have neither the training nor the personal experience to know what they’re talking about. So I’d like to know which category you fall under.
- kross 9y agoThis sounds like splitting, exactly what a BPD would say. I am suspicious.
- solresident 9y agoSplitting is also common among individuals who have upset personality disorder. Such a horrible disease; I can only hope we once live in a world where upset personality disorder is identifiable and treatable.
- Fnoord 9y agoUpset personality disorder?
- owebmaster 9y agoI guess it was a joke that splitting is a common human behavior and should not be qualified as a disease because someone overuses it.
- jansho 9y agoHow exactly?
- xor1 9y agoI'd like to point anyone reading the above comment towards /r/bpdlovedones and /r/raisedbyborderlines. Then check out /r/bpd after that.
- dsego 9y agoMy oh my, r/bpd is an echo chamber. These people really think they're communicating and helping by feeling emotions or thinking about other people.
- 1000units 9y agoHe's right. You have no idea what you're talking about. Every single person who has close experience with BPD people (and is not actively being entrapped) will advise him the same.