4 ms·

Their suffering may be real, but so is the suffering of absolutely everyone who is nearby! I ended up at a job working with someone with it. Let's just say th

Their suffering may be real, but so is the suffering of absolutely everyone who is nearby! I ended up at a job working with someone with it. Let's just say the only winning move is not to play.

curun1r 9y ago
I think what you describe is the main reason for a lack of sympathy for people with BPD. For people with other mental disorders, it's much easier to see how the person is suffering or negatively impacted by their illness. But it's often too difficult to see past one's own anger, frustration and annoyance to recognize that suffering in people with BPD. I've had work experiences with BPD co-workers and ended up just needing to extricate myself from the situation for my own sanity rather than to try to help or do anything productive that could've made their situations improve. I always felt bad about it, but I just don't have the patience and fortitude to help in those situations.
- xor1 9y ago
  >I think what you describe is the main reason for a lack of sympathy for people with BPD. For people with other mental disorders, it's much easier to see how the person is suffering or negatively impacted by their illness. But it's often too difficult to see past one's own anger, frustration and annoyance to recognize that suffering in people with BPD. It's not just this, but it's the frustration that comes from not being able to, for lack of a better term, fix BPD. You can pour your heart and soul into a relationship with someone who is borderline (as I did), and it will all be for nothing as soon as they split you. You can have a relationship spanning back years, maybe it's even someone you've known since you were a child, and suddenly a switch goes off in their brain and you may as well be someone that they just met yesterday. There is no parity between Cluster Bs and "normal" people when it comes to things like friendship, loyalty, and obligation, and that has the potential to really hurt people. Some (most?) never figure out what Cluster B personality disorders are -- to them, these people are simply evil. At best you have some success getting them to change and improve themselves, but then they just discard you and move on without so much as a second thought about you or your feelings. Unless they need you again in the future, that is.
  - throwaway0255 9y ago
    > You can have a relationship spanning back years, maybe it's even someone you've known since you were a child, and suddenly a switch goes off in their brain and you may as well be someone that they just met yesterday. This is a perfect description of what it's like. It seems to happen in episodes, too. Every time you think you've built up some kind of bond (not anything special, just a typical everyday person-to-person emotional bond), there's another episode around the corner to reset it to zero in the blink of an eye for no apparent reason. I was in a years-long relationship with someone with BPD, and eventually what I realized is that time doesn't strengthen anything with them. Nothing builds up over time, there's no foundation being built, you are always one instant away from being nothing to them. Time can make you a recurring candidate for bizarre episodes of infatuation and idealization after you've left. But no amount of time you spend with them will ever meaningfully strengthen whatever bond you think you have.
    - taohansen 9y ago
      > I was in a years-long relationship with someone with BPD, and eventually what I realized is that time doesn't strengthen anything with them. Nothing builds up over time, there's no foundation being built, you are always one instant away from being nothing to them. i’m sorry for your experience but this is also patently false applied as a general statement to “us”. you’re not helping the situation by putting all of us over “there” where there is always one instant away of you being nothing to us.
      - xor1 9y ago
        > i’m sorry for your experience but this is also patently false applied as a general statement to “us”. you’re not helping the situation by putting all of us over “there” where there is always one instant away of you being nothing to us. All untreated BPDs experience splitting. For me, that isn't up for debate. By that, I mean you can't convince me otherwise. It's a hallmark of the disorder. Maybe you are receiving treatment and able to suppress it, but as soon as treatment no longer works for you or you discontinue it, you will start to split again.
- m_fayer 9y ago
  They make me feel like I'm living in some emotions-cranked-to-11 stage play. Everything is overly intense and saturated. Things that I encounter rarely, uncontrollable love/lust! rage! betrayal! us-against-the-world loyalty! new soul-mates! malicious negligence! manipulation! conspiracy! jealousy! suddenly become the stuff of everyday life. I've only ever been on the periphery of one of these people, and I was already exhausted.

Their suffering may be real, but so is the suffering of absolutely everyone who is nearby! I ended up at a job working with someone with it. Let's just say the only winning move is not to play.

curun1r 9y ago

I think what you describe is the main reason for a lack of sympathy for people with BPD. For people with other mental disorders, it's much easier to see how the person is suffering or negatively impacted by their illness. But it's often too difficult to see past one's own anger, frustration and annoyance to recognize that suffering in people with BPD. I've had work experiences with BPD co-workers and ended up just needing to extricate myself from the situation for my own sanity rather than to try to help or do anything productive that could've made their situations improve. I always felt bad about it, but I just don't have the patience and fortitude to help in those situations.

xor1 9y ago
>I think what you describe is the main reason for a lack of sympathy for people with BPD. For people with other mental disorders, it's much easier to see how the person is suffering or negatively impacted by their illness. But it's often too difficult to see past one's own anger, frustration and annoyance to recognize that suffering in people with BPD. It's not just this, but it's the frustration that comes from not being able to, for lack of a better term, fix BPD. You can pour your heart and soul into a relationship with someone who is borderline (as I did), and it will all be for nothing as soon as they split you. You can have a relationship spanning back years, maybe it's even someone you've known since you were a child, and suddenly a switch goes off in their brain and you may as well be someone that they just met yesterday. There is no parity between Cluster Bs and "normal" people when it comes to things like friendship, loyalty, and obligation, and that has the potential to really hurt people. Some (most?) never figure out what Cluster B personality disorders are -- to them, these people are simply evil. At best you have some success getting them to change and improve themselves, but then they just discard you and move on without so much as a second thought about you or your feelings. Unless they need you again in the future, that is.
- throwaway0255 9y ago
  > You can have a relationship spanning back years, maybe it's even someone you've known since you were a child, and suddenly a switch goes off in their brain and you may as well be someone that they just met yesterday. This is a perfect description of what it's like. It seems to happen in episodes, too. Every time you think you've built up some kind of bond (not anything special, just a typical everyday person-to-person emotional bond), there's another episode around the corner to reset it to zero in the blink of an eye for no apparent reason. I was in a years-long relationship with someone with BPD, and eventually what I realized is that time doesn't strengthen anything with them. Nothing builds up over time, there's no foundation being built, you are always one instant away from being nothing to them. Time can make you a recurring candidate for bizarre episodes of infatuation and idealization after you've left. But no amount of time you spend with them will ever meaningfully strengthen whatever bond you think you have.
  - taohansen 9y ago
    > I was in a years-long relationship with someone with BPD, and eventually what I realized is that time doesn't strengthen anything with them. Nothing builds up over time, there's no foundation being built, you are always one instant away from being nothing to them. i’m sorry for your experience but this is also patently false applied as a general statement to “us”. you’re not helping the situation by putting all of us over “there” where there is always one instant away of you being nothing to us.
    - xor1 9y ago
      > i’m sorry for your experience but this is also patently false applied as a general statement to “us”. you’re not helping the situation by putting all of us over “there” where there is always one instant away of you being nothing to us. All untreated BPDs experience splitting. For me, that isn't up for debate. By that, I mean you can't convince me otherwise. It's a hallmark of the disorder. Maybe you are receiving treatment and able to suppress it, but as soon as treatment no longer works for you or you discontinue it, you will start to split again.
m_fayer 9y ago
They make me feel like I'm living in some emotions-cranked-to-11 stage play. Everything is overly intense and saturated. Things that I encounter rarely, uncontrollable love/lust! rage! betrayal! us-against-the-world loyalty! new soul-mates! malicious negligence! manipulation! conspiracy! jealousy! suddenly become the stuff of everyday life. I've only ever been on the periphery of one of these people, and I was already exhausted.