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I thinks its do or die time for me to have kids. postponed it too long. I don't want to die alone, old age is loooong. Reading this article and watching this r

I thinks its do or die time for me to have kids. postponed it too long. I don't want to die alone, old age is loooong. Reading this article and watching this random video put me in high key stress mode. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0Zxvr2NjDA&feature=youtu.be&t=1203 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0Zxvr2NjDA&feature=youtu.be...

JoeAltmaier 9y ago
Lots of ways to connect with young people. Youth organizations can get you connected, without the household commitment (they all go home at the end of the game). Scouts, church groups, Big Brother/Sister, you name it. So don't have to go into this whole hog; don't need anybody else involved to make it work; and no unsurmountable reason to delay?
- fourstar 9y ago
  It's the literal purpose of our existence. Why would you discourage that?
  - JoeAltmaier 9y ago
    Because finding the 'right person' is seen as a precondition to starting a family. Which is an artificial obstacle, given what I wrote above. If the goal is to connect with a younger generation in a significant way, so as to know people when old.
  - icebraining 9y ago
    That's like, your opinion, man. Not everyone agrees that our existence even has a purpose.
    - DeusExMachina 9y ago
      His opinion, plus 4 billion years of evolution.
      - lotsofpulp 9y ago
        The process of evolution doesn't have a "purpose" or "intent".
      - digitalsushi 9y ago
        That might be an appeal to tradition, cant make up my mind.
    - ThrowawayR2 9y ago
      It's the opinion of the ancestors of every currently living thing on this planet, going back to the first organisms to have evolved. Any of them who thought otherwise is extinct because they failed to pass on their genes. The future literally belongs to those who agree with the grandparent poster.
      - icebraining 9y ago
        Nope. You can have children for many reasons besides thinking that's the purpose of our existence. The future doesn't care why you have children.
  - bovermyer 9y ago
    I disagree. There is no predetermined purpose to our existence. We are biologically predispositioned towards propagation of the species, but that's only because such a thing is self-reinforcing.
    - JoeAltmaier 9y ago
      Some of us. Some never reproduce. Still it takes a village to raise a child, so I guess all serve their purpose in reproduction.
  - monaghanboy 9y ago
    Our existence is what we make of it. It might be your purpose, or even most people's purpose, but there are plenty that frankly just aren't that interested.
    - w0m 9y ago
      Our species purpose is to reproduce. That doesn't mean every individual should feel the need to contribute, outliers like that tend to be self weeding anyway; no reason to shame the individual over it.
      - monaghanboy 9y ago
        >That doesn't mean every individual should feel the need to contribute... You're reiterating what I said above. >...outliers like that tend to be self weeding anyway; no reason to shame the individual over it. I'm not sure what you mean or are implying with the "self-weeding" terminology.
  - solipsism 9y ago
    This is like arguing with a someone carrying a bucket of water uphill. "Flowing downhill is the literal purpose of its existence!"
- adrianN 9y ago
  I wonder how many of the young people you connected with that way would come to sit by your side at your deathbed.
  - JoeAltmaier 9y ago
    You'd be surprised. Its a small community. I know a half-dozen good, good friends I've made that way. Been invited to the wedding; worked with; been the guy they come to when troubled.
    - icc97 9y ago
      There's a big difference between someone inviting you amongst hundreds of others to their wedding and being at their deathbed
    - CodeCube 9y ago
      When I was in high school, we had an elderly man in the neighborhood. I don't even remember how, but my family befriended him, and before long me and my brother were going over to do yard chores for him, and listen to him talk about his time as a Jazz musician. He was unfortunately estranged from his ex-wife and kids ... so as he approached his last days, my dad helped him with more and more things, including medical visits, etc. When he passed, he left him his car in his will. I still think about the guy from time to time.
  - croon 9y ago
    I promise, that if you put the same work into being there for someone as you _HAVE_ to do with your own kids, and do it because you want to connect, that someone will be there. If you half-ass it for the wrong reasons, of course not. But the same thing is true, but with higher costs (both economical and psychological), if you have your own child with the same attitude.
    - chr1 9y ago
      It is hard to do the same work for someone else, because they don't need you as much as your child would, and they won't be near you as much.
saladeen 9y ago
How old are you?
icebraining 9y ago
Be advised that it's not a foolproof plan, though. I suggest deciding based on the rewards of raising them, not on the future benefits, because you might end up disappointed.
intended 9y ago
That’s a terrible reason. Add : bringing in a fully autonomous individual motivated by the hope+belief+expectation that they will be there when you grow old? Small chance, considering that the human trait which they need to be subscribed to is empathy, self-lessness and family. A lot of which will be learnt from their own parents. Namely you.
- autokad 9y ago
  having a child is for the parents, not the child. the parents happiness and goals comes first, not the child. its sad that people have forgotten that. the parents end up miserable, and guess who else will end up miserable? you guessed it, the child. wanting to have a child as to not be lonely in life is terrible? most kids are had for no reason at all, and its not terrible either. plus, I am pretty sure for 3 billion people in asia, this is part of the culture.
  - yodsanklai 9y ago
    > having a child is for the parents, not the child Of course it's for the parents. You can't make a child "for the child", since it doesn't exist (and doesn't care) until you gave life to it. I don't have kids, and I've been told on several occasions that I was selfish for not doing so. Isn't it more selfish to have kids (who didn't ask for being born) for one's own joy?
    - icc97 9y ago
      I think the people telling you that you're being selfish are wrong. However I don't think we can call having children a selfish act, it's pretty hard wired in us to do it. It's at least no more selfish than your average human.
    - Fnoord 9y ago
      > I don't have kids, and I've been told on several occasions that I was selfish for not doing so. Isn't it more selfish to have kids (who didn't ask for being born) for one's own joy? There's a lot of positive things you can do for the environment: less or no (air, car) travel, avoid plastic and downcycling your waste, avoiding meat. As our population size increases the one best thing you can do for the environment is not having kids and if you do have kids stay as close to the amount of 1.
Robotbeat 9y ago
Why is this down-voted? This is a legitimate response to the topic and clearly a hearfelt one.
my_ghola 9y ago
Alternatively you could take the decision to die earlier. I'm not suicidal but I don't think it a crazy idea to choose not to become senile.
lr4444lr 9y ago
While it should not be the ONLY reason to have children, I think your sentiments are normal and healthy. Human affection can grow, even if from less than noble beginnings. It's easy for men to keep putting it off. As someone who was not opposed to having kids but could have easily been in your shoes because life before kids is just much more comfortable and familiar, I fully relate. My wife gave me the extra push I needed to make the leap. I will not sugar-coat it: having kids is difficult, and the worst part is the disruption to your sleep and mental exhaustion from being "on alert" to protect the new fragile being. All your life plans have to account for this new dependent. If you are a social butterfly/partier (I am not) or liked to spend a lot of unbroken time in side projects (that was me), it will hit harder. I am just about at the 1 year mark though, and I can also say that I do not regret it. Yes, there are things I miss, but it was definitely the right decision. As time went on, I adapted and started doing things again, and I would expect to regain more time as my child ages. Picking the right wife is really the decision you have to worry about, IMHO.

JoeAltmaier 9y ago

Lots of ways to connect with young people. Youth organizations can get you connected, without the household commitment (they all go home at the end of the game). Scouts, church groups, Big Brother/Sister, you name it. So don't have to go into this whole hog; don't need anybody else involved to make it work; and no unsurmountable reason to delay?

fourstar 9y ago
It's the literal purpose of our existence. Why would you discourage that?
- JoeAltmaier 9y ago
  Because finding the 'right person' is seen as a precondition to starting a family. Which is an artificial obstacle, given what I wrote above. If the goal is to connect with a younger generation in a significant way, so as to know people when old.
- icebraining 9y ago
  That's like, your opinion, man. Not everyone agrees that our existence even has a purpose.
  - DeusExMachina 9y ago
    His opinion, plus 4 billion years of evolution.
    - lotsofpulp 9y ago
      The process of evolution doesn't have a "purpose" or "intent".
    - digitalsushi 9y ago
      That might be an appeal to tradition, cant make up my mind.
  - ThrowawayR2 9y ago
    It's the opinion of the ancestors of every currently living thing on this planet, going back to the first organisms to have evolved. Any of them who thought otherwise is extinct because they failed to pass on their genes. The future literally belongs to those who agree with the grandparent poster.
    - icebraining 9y ago
      Nope. You can have children for many reasons besides thinking that's the purpose of our existence. The future doesn't care why you have children.
- bovermyer 9y ago
  I disagree. There is no predetermined purpose to our existence. We are biologically predispositioned towards propagation of the species, but that's only because such a thing is self-reinforcing.
  - JoeAltmaier 9y ago
    Some of us. Some never reproduce. Still it takes a village to raise a child, so I guess all serve their purpose in reproduction.
- monaghanboy 9y ago
  Our existence is what we make of it. It might be your purpose, or even most people's purpose, but there are plenty that frankly just aren't that interested.
  - w0m 9y ago
    Our species purpose is to reproduce. That doesn't mean every individual should feel the need to contribute, outliers like that tend to be self weeding anyway; no reason to shame the individual over it.
    - monaghanboy 9y ago
      >That doesn't mean every individual should feel the need to contribute... You're reiterating what I said above. >...outliers like that tend to be self weeding anyway; no reason to shame the individual over it. I'm not sure what you mean or are implying with the "self-weeding" terminology.
- solipsism 9y ago
  This is like arguing with a someone carrying a bucket of water uphill. "Flowing downhill is the literal purpose of its existence!"
adrianN 9y ago
I wonder how many of the young people you connected with that way would come to sit by your side at your deathbed.
- JoeAltmaier 9y ago
  You'd be surprised. Its a small community. I know a half-dozen good, good friends I've made that way. Been invited to the wedding; worked with; been the guy they come to when troubled.
  - icc97 9y ago
    There's a big difference between someone inviting you amongst hundreds of others to their wedding and being at their deathbed
  - CodeCube 9y ago
    When I was in high school, we had an elderly man in the neighborhood. I don't even remember how, but my family befriended him, and before long me and my brother were going over to do yard chores for him, and listen to him talk about his time as a Jazz musician. He was unfortunately estranged from his ex-wife and kids ... so as he approached his last days, my dad helped him with more and more things, including medical visits, etc. When he passed, he left him his car in his will. I still think about the guy from time to time.
- croon 9y ago
  I promise, that if you put the same work into being there for someone as you _HAVE_ to do with your own kids, and do it because you want to connect, that someone will be there. If you half-ass it for the wrong reasons, of course not. But the same thing is true, but with higher costs (both economical and psychological), if you have your own child with the same attitude.
  - chr1 9y ago
    It is hard to do the same work for someone else, because they don't need you as much as your child would, and they won't be near you as much.

saladeen 9y ago

How old are you?

icebraining 9y ago

Be advised that it's not a foolproof plan, though. I suggest deciding based on the rewards of raising them, not on the future benefits, because you might end up disappointed.

intended 9y ago

That’s a terrible reason. Add : bringing in a fully autonomous individual motivated by the hope+belief+expectation that they will be there when you grow old? Small chance, considering that the human trait which they need to be subscribed to is empathy, self-lessness and family. A lot of which will be learnt from their own parents. Namely you.

autokad 9y ago
having a child is for the parents, not the child. the parents happiness and goals comes first, not the child. its sad that people have forgotten that. the parents end up miserable, and guess who else will end up miserable? you guessed it, the child. wanting to have a child as to not be lonely in life is terrible? most kids are had for no reason at all, and its not terrible either. plus, I am pretty sure for 3 billion people in asia, this is part of the culture.
- yodsanklai 9y ago
  > having a child is for the parents, not the child Of course it's for the parents. You can't make a child "for the child", since it doesn't exist (and doesn't care) until you gave life to it. I don't have kids, and I've been told on several occasions that I was selfish for not doing so. Isn't it more selfish to have kids (who didn't ask for being born) for one's own joy?
  - icc97 9y ago
    I think the people telling you that you're being selfish are wrong. However I don't think we can call having children a selfish act, it's pretty hard wired in us to do it. It's at least no more selfish than your average human.
  - Fnoord 9y ago
    > I don't have kids, and I've been told on several occasions that I was selfish for not doing so. Isn't it more selfish to have kids (who didn't ask for being born) for one's own joy? There's a lot of positive things you can do for the environment: less or no (air, car) travel, avoid plastic and downcycling your waste, avoiding meat. As our population size increases the one best thing you can do for the environment is not having kids and if you do have kids stay as close to the amount of 1.

Robotbeat 9y ago

Why is this down-voted? This is a legitimate response to the topic and clearly a hearfelt one.

my_ghola 9y ago

Alternatively you could take the decision to die earlier. I'm not suicidal but I don't think it a crazy idea to choose not to become senile.

lr4444lr 9y ago

While it should not be the ONLY reason to have children, I think your sentiments are normal and healthy. Human affection can grow, even if from less than noble beginnings. It's easy for men to keep putting it off. As someone who was not opposed to having kids but could have easily been in your shoes because life before kids is just much more comfortable and familiar, I fully relate. My wife gave me the extra push I needed to make the leap. I will not sugar-coat it: having kids is difficult, and the worst part is the disruption to your sleep and mental exhaustion from being "on alert" to protect the new fragile being. All your life plans have to account for this new dependent. If you are a social butterfly/partier (I am not) or liked to spend a lot of unbroken time in side projects (that was me), it will hit harder. I am just about at the 1 year mark though, and I can also say that I do not regret it. Yes, there are things I miss, but it was definitely the right decision. As time went on, I adapted and started doing things again, and I would expect to regain more time as my child ages. Picking the right wife is really the decision you have to worry about, IMHO.