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This makes sense. I would much rather have less and more positive interactions with my parents than more or more stressful ones. Some people seem to have a "my
by sbinthree 9y ago
This makes sense. I would much rather have less and more positive interactions with my parents than more or more stressful ones. Some people seem to have a "my parent was never around" complex but that usually seems to involve some combination of 1. Parent completely absent, not home at night, not reliable or away for extended periods working or 2. Parent missing key, meaningful events like the "dance recital" trope or 3. Parent outsources parenting to nanny and doesn't really monitor outcomes. If you are there for the important things, when you say you will be, and home for dinner (present, not just emailing on your phone) as often as you can be, that seems to matter more than working part time or other modern and progressive interpretations of being an engaged parent and with your kids.
- rayiner 9y agoThis. My dad worked 70 hours a week and travelled for work 30% of the time growing up, but we never felt “he was never around” because he made it to graduation events and little league and called us every day after school.
- arbie 9y agoThings like frequent phone calls seen inconsequential, but: 1) They take significant dedication and scheduling on the part of the parent(s) and, 2) Have an outsize impact on the perception of your dependability. Huge from a kid's perspective.
- rosstex 9y agoThis is true not just from a kid's perspective too :)
- contingencies 9y agoWorks well for aging parents!
- jdietrich 9y agoI think that dependability is the key point. "My parents were never around" often translates to "my parents couldn't be relied on when it really matters". You don't have to spend 24/7 with your kids to establish the secure belief that you'll drop everything to help them; conversely, you can be present a great deal without ever giving the sense that you're a reliable resource. I think this is what underpins the "dance recital" trope, or the similar "not getting picked up from soccer practice". It's not so much that you weren't there, but that you chose to prioritise something else or failed to honour a previous commitment. Especially as children move into adolescence and start to develop independence, they want to know that their parents will provide a safe harbour to return to. I think that children are remarkably perceptive when assessing who can be trusted to get them out of a bad situation or handle a difficult conversation. Without necessarily realising it, parents send subtle messages every day about where their priorities really lie.
- wiz21c 9y agoThis, 100000 times : "Without necessarily realising it, parents send subtle messages every day about where their priorities really lie."