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This is a tough problem. I'm a parent, and the "do I meddle in this?" issue is probably what I think about most. With most tricky parenting issues, the answer

This is a tough problem. I'm a parent, and the "do I meddle in this?" issue is probably what I think about most. With most tricky parenting issues, the answer is probably that you're on the right track if you're even thinking about it and asking the question

analog31 9y ago
I'm a parent too. We get a lot of contradictory messages thrown at us. We're repeatedly told that we shouldn't over-parent, but is that just a middle class myth? Rich parents meddle extensively, not just in school, but in their kids' personal lives and careers, well into adulthood. We can't afford to follow middle class myths any more, because the middle class is vanishing.
- leetcrew 9y ago
  i think it depends on what you mean by "meddle". you can find helicopter parents in all walks of life (although near the bottom end you may find that some parents simply dont have the time to be this overbearing), but there are good and bad ways to be involved. bad: johnny complains that he got a 'C' on his freshman writing seminar term paper, so you go to the professor to argue his case for him. johnny is stressed out because he is finding it hard to concentrate on school and find an apartment for next semester at the same time, so you take over the apartment hunt for him. good: johnny needs to find a job, so you capitalize on your extensive network of successful friends and colleagues to put him in contact with people who might give him an interview. once he gets the interview, it's on him to prove his worth. or, johnny just transferred to a new school and his transfer credits are not immediately accepted so he cant register for any useful classes that semester. the counseling people tell him it will take a few weeks to evaluate his transcript and registration will be closed by then, so he may as well give up and start planning for next semester. luckily you happen to know the dean, and the process is expedited so johnny can actually make some progress that semester. the key is to distinguish between important challenges that the kid can figure out themselves (with some work) and structural obstacles that are simply insurmountable without the application parent's resources/experience. helping excessively with the first will result in you raising a manchild. helping with the second can actually give your kid a time advantage over their peers that doesn't hamstring their development.
  - analog31 9y ago
    Good points. The second can also give a kid more than one chance at life. For instance if a kid from a wealthy family gets arrested, his parents will provide aggressive legal defense, and the police may even know this and let him off the hook in the first place. Likewise if the kid tries a business idea and goes bankrupt, the parents will bail him out. One of the things that encourages people to become entrepreneurs is knowing that they have a financial safety net so they don't have to worry about their own basic survival.

analog31 9y ago

I'm a parent too. We get a lot of contradictory messages thrown at us. We're repeatedly told that we shouldn't over-parent, but is that just a middle class myth? Rich parents meddle extensively, not just in school, but in their kids' personal lives and careers, well into adulthood. We can't afford to follow middle class myths any more, because the middle class is vanishing.

leetcrew 9y ago
i think it depends on what you mean by "meddle". you can find helicopter parents in all walks of life (although near the bottom end you may find that some parents simply dont have the time to be this overbearing), but there are good and bad ways to be involved. bad: johnny complains that he got a 'C' on his freshman writing seminar term paper, so you go to the professor to argue his case for him. johnny is stressed out because he is finding it hard to concentrate on school and find an apartment for next semester at the same time, so you take over the apartment hunt for him. good: johnny needs to find a job, so you capitalize on your extensive network of successful friends and colleagues to put him in contact with people who might give him an interview. once he gets the interview, it's on him to prove his worth. or, johnny just transferred to a new school and his transfer credits are not immediately accepted so he cant register for any useful classes that semester. the counseling people tell him it will take a few weeks to evaluate his transcript and registration will be closed by then, so he may as well give up and start planning for next semester. luckily you happen to know the dean, and the process is expedited so johnny can actually make some progress that semester. the key is to distinguish between important challenges that the kid can figure out themselves (with some work) and structural obstacles that are simply insurmountable without the application parent's resources/experience. helping excessively with the first will result in you raising a manchild. helping with the second can actually give your kid a time advantage over their peers that doesn't hamstring their development.
- analog31 9y ago
  Good points. The second can also give a kid more than one chance at life. For instance if a kid from a wealthy family gets arrested, his parents will provide aggressive legal defense, and the police may even know this and let him off the hook in the first place. Likewise if the kid tries a business idea and goes bankrupt, the parents will bail him out. One of the things that encourages people to become entrepreneurs is knowing that they have a financial safety net so they don't have to worry about their own basic survival.