4 ms·

I bounce between forgiving and forgetting - and telling her to fuck off. And 4K just for bills. Not including the every-other-day $200 trip to Whole Foods for

I bounce between forgiving and forgetting - and telling her to fuck off. And 4K just for bills. Not including the every-other-day $200 trip to Whole Foods for shit to juice.

eeZah7Ux 9y ago
> I bounce between forgiving and forgetting You need to talk to a psychologist.
- hiram112 9y ago
  Yes, but first he needs to contact a lawyer. He has already made several fatal moves: 1. Left the marital home which the courts will consider abandonment. She just won legal custody. 2. He is paying her $4K or whatever a month without any judicial order. None of this will count towards future spousal or child support - instead it is a gift that establishes her minimum financial need. 3. He is (probably) not documenting, down to the minute, the time he spends with his child. Again, there goes custody. 4. The next call from the playbook will be to get him for domestic violence. As the man, it is absolutely irrelevant if there is proof or not (see the Duluth Model). He's not recording every interaction with her, though he should be. If you do nothing else, start reading: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=12 http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=12 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model
  - throwaway413 9y ago
    Ok this is what I’m fucking terrified of. I left the home because she kept asking me to stop sleeping in my own bed so her girlfriend could sleep there with her. I endured that for months. What else was I supposed to do? I’m not going to make the mistake of becoming physical, nor do I have the reactionary desire to. I’m going to contact a lawyer today.
  - late2part 9y ago
    Another point of view that I read about somewhere: 1. His wife was bringing home lovers to have sex with in the marital bed while he was home. He was not okay with this and asked her to stop and she became violent, combatant, abusive and irrational, yelling, screaming, throwing things in front of their child. 2. He is paying for his child to live in his house. He has asked his wife to surrender their child to him and she has refused, saying she wants to raise the child in a commune with other pansexual stay-at-home house wives. 3. He has reconstructed down to the minute all the time he has spent with his wife, and all of the mistakes and problems his wife has had with him. He has cell phone logs and text messages which corroborate this, as well as GPS locations. 4. I suspect that recently, while he's talking with his wife about how to amicably separate and take care of their child, his wife will physically attack him and he will call the police and show him the bruises.
askafriend 9y ago
This is just silly man. I’m just going to come out and say it. I hope you’ve re-read what you yourself wrote here and realize how ridiculous it is. I urge you to take some people’s advice here and talk to a lawyer immediately, start cutting her off of her privilege, and stop enabling her actions. You’re doing her harm, you’re doing your kid harm, and you’re doing yourself harm. You’re not helping anyone in this situation by letting it go on like this and the soooner you recognize that, the better. In fact, you’re making the situation worse with some of your actions. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to a lawyer. I can’t say it enough.
- throwaway413 9y ago
  Yeah...definitely rubber ducking this right now and it’s pretty clear...I’m glad I posted something. Haven’t had many people to talk to about this who don’t have an emotional connection to the situation. But I mean seriously. I didn’t ask for this so I still love/d her. Tell the person you love, the mother of your child, that you’re done putting a roof over their head. It’s hard. I know that’s no excuse. I need to grow a pair. But fuck. It’s hard.
  - askafriend 9y ago
    You’re not done putting a roof over their head. The courts will make damn sure about that. The reality is that you’re contributing to your wife and kid’s long term demise even though in the short term you feel like and think you are helping them. I can’t understand how difficult this situation is for you, but realizing that you are not helping at all with your money or your actions seems an important step to mentally take. Think about the long term implications, not your short term attachments. Read about the perspectives of children who had to suffer trough broken marriages where the parents stayed together for the kid. Nearly all of the kids say it would have been better if their parents had just broken up instead of keeping the facade going and fostering a toxic environment.

I bounce between forgiving and forgetting - and telling her to fuck off. And 4K just for bills. Not including the every-other-day $200 trip to Whole Foods for shit to juice.

eeZah7Ux 9y ago

> I bounce between forgiving and forgetting You need to talk to a psychologist.

hiram112 9y ago
Yes, but first he needs to contact a lawyer. He has already made several fatal moves: 1. Left the marital home which the courts will consider abandonment. She just won legal custody. 2. He is paying her $4K or whatever a month without any judicial order. None of this will count towards future spousal or child support - instead it is a gift that establishes her minimum financial need. 3. He is (probably) not documenting, down to the minute, the time he spends with his child. Again, there goes custody. 4. The next call from the playbook will be to get him for domestic violence. As the man, it is absolutely irrelevant if there is proof or not (see the Duluth Model). He's not recording every interaction with her, though he should be. If you do nothing else, start reading: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=12 http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=12 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model
- throwaway413 9y ago
  Ok this is what I’m fucking terrified of. I left the home because she kept asking me to stop sleeping in my own bed so her girlfriend could sleep there with her. I endured that for months. What else was I supposed to do? I’m not going to make the mistake of becoming physical, nor do I have the reactionary desire to. I’m going to contact a lawyer today.
- late2part 9y ago
  Another point of view that I read about somewhere: 1. His wife was bringing home lovers to have sex with in the marital bed while he was home. He was not okay with this and asked her to stop and she became violent, combatant, abusive and irrational, yelling, screaming, throwing things in front of their child. 2. He is paying for his child to live in his house. He has asked his wife to surrender their child to him and she has refused, saying she wants to raise the child in a commune with other pansexual stay-at-home house wives. 3. He has reconstructed down to the minute all the time he has spent with his wife, and all of the mistakes and problems his wife has had with him. He has cell phone logs and text messages which corroborate this, as well as GPS locations. 4. I suspect that recently, while he's talking with his wife about how to amicably separate and take care of their child, his wife will physically attack him and he will call the police and show him the bruises.

askafriend 9y ago

This is just silly man. I’m just going to come out and say it. I hope you’ve re-read what you yourself wrote here and realize how ridiculous it is. I urge you to take some people’s advice here and talk to a lawyer immediately, start cutting her off of her privilege, and stop enabling her actions. You’re doing her harm, you’re doing your kid harm, and you’re doing yourself harm. You’re not helping anyone in this situation by letting it go on like this and the soooner you recognize that, the better. In fact, you’re making the situation worse with some of your actions. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to a lawyer. I can’t say it enough.

throwaway413 9y ago
Yeah...definitely rubber ducking this right now and it’s pretty clear...I’m glad I posted something. Haven’t had many people to talk to about this who don’t have an emotional connection to the situation. But I mean seriously. I didn’t ask for this so I still love/d her. Tell the person you love, the mother of your child, that you’re done putting a roof over their head. It’s hard. I know that’s no excuse. I need to grow a pair. But fuck. It’s hard.
- askafriend 9y ago
  You’re not done putting a roof over their head. The courts will make damn sure about that. The reality is that you’re contributing to your wife and kid’s long term demise even though in the short term you feel like and think you are helping them. I can’t understand how difficult this situation is for you, but realizing that you are not helping at all with your money or your actions seems an important step to mentally take. Think about the long term implications, not your short term attachments. Read about the perspectives of children who had to suffer trough broken marriages where the parents stayed together for the kid. Nearly all of the kids say it would have been better if their parents had just broken up instead of keeping the facade going and fostering a toxic environment.