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I want to start by saying that what you wrote in the first paragraphs is very raw. I like it a lot. I was serious when I said I was interested to know. I used

I want to start by saying that what you wrote in the first paragraphs is very raw. I like it a lot. I was serious when I said I was interested to know. I used to be extremely introverted. I thought I was smarter than everyone else (not saying you're like this), and pretty much was happy doing my own little thing. Then I got my first job. I had to go out and talk to a lot of people. Even though it was usually small talk, it had to happen. 2-400 people every day (I was a bank teller). That gave me some interpersonal skills and a shitload of confidence. I like that you got the Novell book, studied, went after and got a job. That kind of thing takes heart. But ultimately, that is what I don't understand. You have so much heart, but it seem like you don't want to recognize or apply it all the time. If one job at McDonald's wont pay the rent. Why aren't you getting a second job at Barnes and Noble? It sucks. It totally does, but there is a silver lining; You're in total control. It is puzzling to me that you feel better about yourself living off of loans playing video games than working at a dead end job. I've created a theory, rather unpopular among some of my friends. I think that people that believe in luck are more inclined to feel like you feel... You even specifically mentioned luck at the top of your comment. I don't believe in luck. As funny as it may sound "A real man makes his own luck" (Cal from Titanic, also quoted by Dwight Schrute) is what I subscribe to. Anything I get is because I worked my ass off to get there. I work hard, I produce results, life gets easier in the tough times... Believing this has made a significant change in my outlook on life.

randallsquared 16y ago
It is puzzling to me that you feel better about yourself living off of loans playing video games than working at a dead end job. Oh, if I'd thought I was living off of loans, I'd have been doomed, sure. Instead, I was just temporarily borrowing some money until things improved. That turned out to be true, and those people got paid back. The whole point was to live as though I were about to get a job paying what I'd been making, which helped enormously in believing that I was going to, which helped me stay optimistic over the months until I actually did, which meant I kept trying at an optimum sustained level, and that I could smile and joke when talking with recruiters and interviewers, rather than saying the minimum required to get off the phone in the expectation that it wouldn't matter anyway, etc. But enough of my life history, eh? :)
- SHOwnsYou 16y ago
  I am very interested in your life history. What I get from this post is that you have to delude yourself into thinking something that isn't true to not lose hope. That is a very dangerous way to think. If you don't accept reality, you are losing out. Not just on what is actually happening, but it is how to build confidence in yourself. "I am in a terrible situation, but by my ability to think of my feet and provide for myself when I needed it, I am very capable." There are a lot of important self actualizations that occur when all hope is lost.

randallsquared 16y ago

It is puzzling to me that you feel better about yourself living off of loans playing video games than working at a dead end job. Oh, if I'd thought I was living off of loans, I'd have been doomed, sure. Instead, I was just temporarily borrowing some money until things improved. That turned out to be true, and those people got paid back. The whole point was to live as though I were about to get a job paying what I'd been making, which helped enormously in believing that I was going to, which helped me stay optimistic over the months until I actually did, which meant I kept trying at an optimum sustained level, and that I could smile and joke when talking with recruiters and interviewers, rather than saying the minimum required to get off the phone in the expectation that it wouldn't matter anyway, etc. But enough of my life history, eh? :)

SHOwnsYou 16y ago
I am very interested in your life history. What I get from this post is that you have to delude yourself into thinking something that isn't true to not lose hope. That is a very dangerous way to think. If you don't accept reality, you are losing out. Not just on what is actually happening, but it is how to build confidence in yourself. "I am in a terrible situation, but by my ability to think of my feet and provide for myself when I needed it, I am very capable." There are a lot of important self actualizations that occur when all hope is lost.