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I haven’t looked it up but I’d say there’s anectodal evidence of couples that conceived with different partners after having trouble conceiving between them.
by thiagocsf 9y ago
I haven’t looked it up but I’d say there’s anectodal evidence of couples that conceived with different partners after having trouble conceiving between them.
- novalis78 9y agoJust met an airbnb host with the exact same story. Tried for years then broke up - both had kids right away with their new partners
- chiefalchemist 9y agoAnd a miscarriage is the egg doing a "Oops. Got that one wrong"?
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- louhike 9y agoYou cannot throw this kind of jokes around given how this subject can be hard to read for people to which it happened. HN is a community with people of lot of different backgrounds so it's important to be careful.
- gjjrfcbugxbhf 9y agoPlease don't speak for other people we don't need your protection. Edit: miscarriages are incredibly common. This will/has affected people of almost all backgrounds. The culture of silence on the topic leaves you totally unprepared for it as a reality.
- kwhitefoot 9y agoThe problem is that 'miscarriage' covers everything from what seems like just a late period to something really quite awful. I agree that silence doesn't help and on HN is most likely unnecessary. But in general conversation it is reasonable to be a bit more circumspect.
- dcow 9y agoI don't think there was any joke intended. Often times someone will try to understand a murky topic by creating a (often personified) metaphor.
- chiefalchemist 9y agoI apologize. It wasn't a joke per se. Just a simple / casual way of getting the point across. My context was biology, not couples reproduction. None the less, sorry about that.
- chiefalchemist 9y agoApology aside, I'd like to add, I was also trying to suggest (perhaps poorly) there are times (e.g., miscarriage) when Mother Nature is actually do a positive. That is, it realizes something is off target. Mind you, I get the couple is often guttes. But emotions aside, it's a biological positive.
- gjjrfcbugxbhf 9y agoDon't apologize. You said nothing wrong. When you experience this the only thing that helps is understanding that it is nothing you did but a simple case of things not having worked.
- chiefalchemist 9y agoWhile I don't like his politics, I am a proponent of Frank Luntz's "It's not what you say, it's what they hear." I agree, on the surface my intent (from my POV) was not to offend. That said, I can see how my word / idea choice could have been better. The apology is to acknowledge that yes I could have done better and then even if I didn't mean to offend the receiver's does still have value. Human to human, I wanted to acknowledge that. Perhaps not very HN but I'm comfortable with that ;)
- gjjrfcbugxbhf 9y agoThis is of course your prerogative. However, I would rather discuss this with someone who starts with a slightly off comment than not have it discussed at all.
- saturdaysaint 9y agoI've talked to people who have miscarried, and the parent post is actually a fine, lighthearted summary of the most reassuring conclusion that they came to: there was something off genetically and the potential child would have had severe health issues. I don't think it's out of place or off color in a discussion of conception.
- khamisiyah 9y agoThat's quite the generalization you're making. It doesn't apply nearly to all people, especially for couples who miscarry at a very late stage in the pregnancy. A friend of mine to who had the misfortune of this happening to him described it as the "worst thing he could ever image happening to a person" - they were mentally broken for months. So I wouldn't say this is a lighthearted comment to make, especially if you said it to them face-to-face.
- gjjrfcbugxbhf 9y agoLate in the pregnancy it is called a stillbirth rather than a miscarriage. Stillbirth is rare. Miscarriage is incredibly common. Both are painful I suspect a stillbirth far more so. The difference is that people shouldn't expect a stillbirth anymore than the death of a child - there is no need to prepare for it as a likely outcome. Meanwhile if you are intending to have more than one birth child you are more likely to experience miscarriage than not - it is better to be ready for it than have it come as a total surprise. Edited slightly.
- khamisiyah 9y agoGood point, thanks for clarifying.
- andai 9y agoWe had this in biology in high school, don't remember the exact details but essentially some gene combinations just "don't work", and in mammals that manifests as a miscarriage.
- bencollier49 9y agoDNA damage usually I think.