4 ms·

Really sorry to hear about your ordeal — I was once wrongly accused by a woman of something heinous and it took me a while to recover from the shock and PTSD.

Really sorry to hear about your ordeal — I was once wrongly accused by a woman of something heinous and it took me a while to recover from the shock and PTSD. In particular this part of your post bothers me: “The experience haunts me to this day..” No - This shouldn’t be the case. You did nothing wrong. While there is no magic wand to “fix” how you feel - and esp low probability that an online post from a stranger would do anything but please consider the following strategies: 1. Try to understand shame. What is it and Why it is there? (evolutionary reasons) It might be liberating. 2. Know quite simply that the past doesn’t exist. Except In our heads. 3. Take inspiration: http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-37735368 http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-37735368 4. Try to research into revenge porn - what happened to you is very common; in some parts of the world with serious consequences for women - understanding that you are not alone (or special) might be oddly liberating. 5. Talk to someone. Maybe even a pro. Just some strategies that are available to you - hope you heal soon. (I am sure you are already trying to recover - Your message just stuck a cord and I wanted to offer advice)

WhitneyLand 9y ago
I think your situation is very much connected to the current wave of revelations of wrong doing against (mostly) women. Every time one of these celebrities denies a true accusation it causes a whole new wave of damage not only to the victim but, to every person who will ever have to fend off a wrongful accusation, because it muddies the waters and creates FUD. Yes, the data suggests the percentage of false accusations is small. However it burns me when people suggest bringing it up at all diminishes the bigger issue of assaults on women. In fact I think they enhance each other because they’re both about seeking clarity and justice. I’ve seriously heard people debate the death penalty by arguing, that the possibility of executing an innocent person is not one of the big issues because, that probably happens small percentage of the time. Scared the crap out of me to hear it articulated by a real person. Some media outlets have chosen to be critical of Louis CK’s response to the accusations against him. They think they are advocating for women, when actually they’re doing all of us a huge disservice. Focusing on the quality of apologies is a red herring. Only two things matter, the crime and the truth getting out about crime. Judge his apology/non apology anyway you like, at least he ended it decisively, instead of propagating it for enternity by sowing doubt.
- emodendroket 9y ago
  I recall reading that something like one in ten people on death row ends up being acquitted, so the idea that only a small percentage of people are wrongly executed is factually wrong in the first place.
  - macintux 9y ago
    Hey, Scalia said innocence is no defense once you're convicted, so "wrongly executed" is debatable. (lots of heavy sighing/sarcasm should be inferred)
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
- Tech-Noir 9y ago
  > Judge [Louis CK’s] apology/non apology anyway you like, at least he ended it decisively, instead of propagating it for enternity by sowing doubt. What are you talking about? It was "ended" by the NYT publishing, in this current Weinstein/Spacey climate, an article about his offences[1] and leaving him absolutely no other choice but to finally come clean. He was publicly painting his victims as liars (which you quite rightly condemn in your second paragraph) as recently as a couple of months ago[2]: NYT: So [the accusations are] not real? CK: “No. They’re rumors, that’s all that is.” Even now, not only does he not apologise, he tries to excuse his completely inexcusable behaviour by trying to pretend he thought it was even remotely acceptable. [1] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-sexual-misconduct.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-... [2] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/11/movies/louis-ck-rumors-wont-answer.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/11/movies/louis-ck-rumors-wo...
  - WhitneyLand 9y ago
    That’s the whole point, they don’t have to ever admit it, regardless of the publicity, short of hidden camera footage. The huge problem is, that even when it’s damning enough that 99% of people call bullshit, their denial will continue to cause great pain and make it difficult for other people to get justice in the future. In a perfect world they wouldn’t have committed the crimes in the first place, but it’s a relative scale, and having an uncontested documented case is a bigger win over a denial, than having a good apology is over a bad/non apology.

WhitneyLand 9y ago

I think your situation is very much connected to the current wave of revelations of wrong doing against (mostly) women. Every time one of these celebrities denies a true accusation it causes a whole new wave of damage not only to the victim but, to every person who will ever have to fend off a wrongful accusation, because it muddies the waters and creates FUD. Yes, the data suggests the percentage of false accusations is small. However it burns me when people suggest bringing it up at all diminishes the bigger issue of assaults on women. In fact I think they enhance each other because they’re both about seeking clarity and justice. I’ve seriously heard people debate the death penalty by arguing, that the possibility of executing an innocent person is not one of the big issues because, that probably happens small percentage of the time. Scared the crap out of me to hear it articulated by a real person. Some media outlets have chosen to be critical of Louis CK’s response to the accusations against him. They think they are advocating for women, when actually they’re doing all of us a huge disservice. Focusing on the quality of apologies is a red herring. Only two things matter, the crime and the truth getting out about crime. Judge his apology/non apology anyway you like, at least he ended it decisively, instead of propagating it for enternity by sowing doubt.

emodendroket 9y ago
I recall reading that something like one in ten people on death row ends up being acquitted, so the idea that only a small percentage of people are wrongly executed is factually wrong in the first place.
- macintux 9y ago
  Hey, Scalia said innocence is no defense once you're convicted, so "wrongly executed" is debatable. (lots of heavy sighing/sarcasm should be inferred)
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
Tech-Noir 9y ago
> Judge [Louis CK’s] apology/non apology anyway you like, at least he ended it decisively, instead of propagating it for enternity by sowing doubt. What are you talking about? It was "ended" by the NYT publishing, in this current Weinstein/Spacey climate, an article about his offences[1] and leaving him absolutely no other choice but to finally come clean. He was publicly painting his victims as liars (which you quite rightly condemn in your second paragraph) as recently as a couple of months ago[2]: NYT: So [the accusations are] not real? CK: “No. They’re rumors, that’s all that is.” Even now, not only does he not apologise, he tries to excuse his completely inexcusable behaviour by trying to pretend he thought it was even remotely acceptable. [1] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-sexual-misconduct.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-... [2] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/11/movies/louis-ck-rumors-wont-answer.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/11/movies/louis-ck-rumors-wo...
- WhitneyLand 9y ago
  That’s the whole point, they don’t have to ever admit it, regardless of the publicity, short of hidden camera footage. The huge problem is, that even when it’s damning enough that 99% of people call bullshit, their denial will continue to cause great pain and make it difficult for other people to get justice in the future. In a perfect world they wouldn’t have committed the crimes in the first place, but it’s a relative scale, and having an uncontested documented case is a bigger win over a denial, than having a good apology is over a bad/non apology.