3 ms·

no, it hasn't been clarified. what are these mysterious things a man can say to other men he does not know that he couldn't say to a woman he doesn't know?

• sliverstorm 9y ago
  mostly involving extracurricular activity and people you know somewhat rather than total strangers. asking a woman if she wants to come over to your house tonight to taste whiskey with you and another male coworker, just not quite the same. invite on a group ski trip with a reservation for only one hotel room. join me for dinner to talk about project/feature. a packed car trip to somewhere in a very small vehicle. let's go visit the hot springs (which, it's common knowledge, are clothing-optional at night). taking that last one further, i was once told it was ok that i had forgot my swimsuit, for that reason. man to man, i thought nothing of it, but by god could you imagine saying that to your female coworker? none of these things are crimes, but there's zero chance anyone would ever read anything into it or that anything would happen if it's a bunch of guys, while there's clear places a woman might hear a different meaning or have reservations, hence the newfound question marks. anyway, i'm not the canonical source on this, just attempting to think of my own experiences working in a boy's club. and of course if a man is truly close & open friends, not just work acquaintances, with a woman, pretty much everything said here may go out the window.
  • colanderman 9y ago
    > asking a woman if she wants to come over to your house tonight to taste whiskey with you Does she like whiskey? Have you talked about this before? If a co-worker invited me (who never talks about alcohol) to his house to come "taste whiskey" I'd be confused and try to figure out the pretext. Were I a woman, the obvious pretext is "sexual advance". > group ski trip with a reservation for only one hotel room That's weird man, regardless of whether it's co-ed. > join me for dinner to talk about project/feature. Again, weird; I'm looking for the pretext. Unless we're already good friends, in which case this is a non-issue even if I'm female. > let's go visit the hot springs Where the hell do you work?? These are not things you do with co-workers, these are things you do with close friends.
    • ThomPete 9y ago
      were do you work? i have gone on ski trips, summer trips, saunas and strip clubs with my male and female colleagues. nothing weird about the examples mentioned
      • colanderman 9y ago
        Inviting co-workers with whom you are not already on very good terms to a sauna or strip club is very weird and anti-social. (Why? Because you force those who would be uncomfortable attending to either self-exclude from the work social group, or give in to peer pressure. Or you don't invite them in the first place, which ensures they feel excluded.) And if you are on very good terms with them, well, they're not going to complain to HR because they're your friends.
        • ThomPete 9y ago
          Why wouldnt i be on good terms with my co-workers?