5 ms·

> - I never, ever comment on their appearance, including new hairstyles, clothing, etc. > - I refer to them as "women", never as "ladies" or "girls" or other n

> - I never, ever comment on their appearance, including new hairstyles, clothing, etc. > - I refer to them as "women", never as "ladies" or "girls" or other nonsense. > If you have to overcompensate like Pence News flash, you're overcompensating as well.

atom-morgan 9y ago
Why the downvotes? Debacle is right.
- sidlls 9y ago
  Treating a workplace like a setting requiring professional behavior is "overcompensating?" What the GP described is simply default behavior in a professional setting.
  - atom-morgan 9y ago
    There's a double standard in GP's comment.
  - noobermin 9y ago
    The article actually states how there can be a difference between hugging and harassment, to just point out one example.
  - gizmo686 9y ago
    The default behaviour can be to overcompensate.
hasenj 9y ago
Damned no matter what you do?
- debacle 9y ago
  Just treat people nice. There's a way to compliment a woman's dress or hair without sounding like a creep. In fact, women who are friends do it all the time. It's part of how women form platonic relationships. One of the nicest compliments you can pay someone is noticing a conscious change that they've made in themselves!
  - tree_of_item 9y ago
    > In fact, women who are friends do it all the time. Part of the reason they don't come across as creepy is because they're, y'know, women. > There's a way to compliment a woman's dress or hair without sounding like a creep. This is entirely dependent on context, so as you've stated it it's false.
  - colanderman 9y ago
    Right? I'm one of the most socially awkward people I know but even I can pull off a "hey, nice new frames!", "cool T-shirt!", or "nice new haircut!" to a female co-worker without sounding like a creep. Claiming that's impossible to do "safely" – especially from someone in a managerial role, who should know how to talk to people – is just lazy CYA behavior. EDIT: Side note – one of the clearest (subconscious) dividing lines between "creepy" and "normal" compliments is – how much time am I spending enjoying the thing I'm complimenting? If either your comment implies "I (may) have spent time staring at you to come to this conclusion", or if your focus (eyes/body position) lingers on the person you're complimenting, it will be perceived as creepy. If neither of these is true, it won't. Examples: "Nice new frames!" -- noncreepy. Not specific enough to have required more than a second's glance to formulate. Speaker may not even have actually formed an opinion. "Those pants fit you well." -- creepy. You must have been looking at my butt and thighs for at least several seconds to come to this conclusion. Better: "That's such a cheery yellow blouse!" You could see and judge the color across the office in a second's time. "I like your haircut", followed by several seconds of silence while you continue to look at me or my haircut -- creepy. You are enjoying this aspect of my body too much. Better: "I like your haircut", followed by topic change or end of conversation. "You look good today / I like how you look" -- creepy. It's so nonspecific that I don't know what's going through your mind. Better: "I like the new look" (if the "new look" is something obvious), or be otherwise specific. Note that all the above applies equally across or within genders. I (male) would indeed be creeped out if a male co-worker said one of the "creepy" examples above (with the possible exception of "you look good today", only because I might have more insight into what's in his head, assuming he is heterosexual). And I cannot think of one time a male co-worker has done so.

atom-morgan 9y ago

Why the downvotes? Debacle is right.

sidlls 9y ago
Treating a workplace like a setting requiring professional behavior is "overcompensating?" What the GP described is simply default behavior in a professional setting.
- atom-morgan 9y ago
  There's a double standard in GP's comment.
- noobermin 9y ago
  The article actually states how there can be a difference between hugging and harassment, to just point out one example.
- gizmo686 9y ago
  The default behaviour can be to overcompensate.

hasenj 9y ago

Damned no matter what you do?

debacle 9y ago
Just treat people nice. There's a way to compliment a woman's dress or hair without sounding like a creep. In fact, women who are friends do it all the time. It's part of how women form platonic relationships. One of the nicest compliments you can pay someone is noticing a conscious change that they've made in themselves!
- tree_of_item 9y ago
  > In fact, women who are friends do it all the time. Part of the reason they don't come across as creepy is because they're, y'know, women. > There's a way to compliment a woman's dress or hair without sounding like a creep. This is entirely dependent on context, so as you've stated it it's false.
- colanderman 9y ago
  Right? I'm one of the most socially awkward people I know but even I can pull off a "hey, nice new frames!", "cool T-shirt!", or "nice new haircut!" to a female co-worker without sounding like a creep. Claiming that's impossible to do "safely" – especially from someone in a managerial role, who should know how to talk to people – is just lazy CYA behavior. EDIT: Side note – one of the clearest (subconscious) dividing lines between "creepy" and "normal" compliments is – how much time am I spending enjoying the thing I'm complimenting? If either your comment implies "I (may) have spent time staring at you to come to this conclusion", or if your focus (eyes/body position) lingers on the person you're complimenting, it will be perceived as creepy. If neither of these is true, it won't. Examples: "Nice new frames!" -- noncreepy. Not specific enough to have required more than a second's glance to formulate. Speaker may not even have actually formed an opinion. "Those pants fit you well." -- creepy. You must have been looking at my butt and thighs for at least several seconds to come to this conclusion. Better: "That's such a cheery yellow blouse!" You could see and judge the color across the office in a second's time. "I like your haircut", followed by several seconds of silence while you continue to look at me or my haircut -- creepy. You are enjoying this aspect of my body too much. Better: "I like your haircut", followed by topic change or end of conversation. "You look good today / I like how you look" -- creepy. It's so nonspecific that I don't know what's going through your mind. Better: "I like the new look" (if the "new look" is something obvious), or be otherwise specific. Note that all the above applies equally across or within genders. I (male) would indeed be creeped out if a male co-worker said one of the "creepy" examples above (with the possible exception of "you look good today", only because I might have more insight into what's in his head, assuming he is heterosexual). And I cannot think of one time a male co-worker has done so.