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This is a great article. It's a terrific opportunity for introspection. I do however want to point out that some of these may be less about being an insufferab
by bpicolo 9y ago
This is a great article. It's a terrific opportunity for introspection.
I do however want to point out that some of these may be less about being an insufferably relentless jerk than other pieces.
> He is late to meetings, ... then looks at his phone or laptop while ignoring everyone around him
This is also a pretty common indicator for ADHD. Not to say that excuses being a "jerk", but there are people out there that have a fundamentally difficult time tracking and arriving at meetings properly, and it's not always easy to account for. It also goes hand in hand with a few other related issues here. It's also somewhat common in the world of software.
I have some semblance of issue arriving at meetings properly, and it takes sincere effort to correct for it. When I started my career (admittedly, not so long ago) I definitely displayed more pieces of what is described as brilliant jerk than I would like to have (though certainly nothing like gaslighting and exploitation of others around me - more those things in line with adhd).
On the other hand, I spent 3 years working especially hard on self improvement here, and I certainly appreciate the patience of those around me in helping me realize my failures. It took me a year of effort to really avoid interrupting others while talking - not as a matter of being a jerk, but simply because my mind gets lost in conversation and feels the need to begin talking with less cognizance than I wish I had that others were speaking. These days, I am quick to apologize upon realizing I've interrupted, and ask the speaker to continue. That's strictly worse than never interrupting, but it both publicly acknowledges that I know this is a problem for me in conversation, and helps move forward.
The best thing for some people who have some of these issues is to give them honest, direct, and proactive feedback regarding it. They may well have no idea the ways in which they're impacting those around them, and they may well be surprisingly proactive in self-improvement upon being spoken to.
It's non-proactivity in self-improvement that you should be far less accepting of, ADHD or not.
- brendangregg 9y agoGood point about the meetings. With Bob, he's doing this on purpose to assert dominance. If you ask Bob a direct question in this meeting, he'll ignore it on purpose the first time and continue working on his phone/laptop, and make you ask again, and plead for his attention. Making you beg is a way to humiliate you in front of others, and to show that he's more important than the others in the room. And the kicker: everyone in the room knows he's doing this on purpose, but no one speaks up, because he's the rock star engineer that we must tolerate. (Wrong.)
- fhood 9y agoDitto, I need my life to come with a disclaimer that I might be late, or not attend at all, and that it is not on purpose, and probably stems from my computer not beeping loud enough to warn me that a meeting is coming up.
- jrm2k6 9y agoYou will know it is not due to ADHD if the first thing they say when you mention them being late in a meeting is 'I have ADHD'. Being late at meetings is one thing that happens to everybody. Being doing other stuff during meetings, stand-ups or what not, in a group setting, while having your legs up on the desk playing with your phone is being a jerk.