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As a former military wife who helped build my husband's career, raised two special needs kids on a tight budget, homeschooled them when the school system failed

by Mz 9y ago

As a former military wife who helped build my husband's career, raised two special needs kids on a tight budget, homeschooled them when the school system failed them, etc, this comment really ticks me off. It is like saying women are only whores and their only measure of worth is being good at extracting money from men by sleeping with them. The more money they extract without really producing anything of value, the more we praise them. I find it grotesque that anyone would make such a remark. It also feels very personally insulting to me as it dismisses my competence as a mother based on the fact that I failed to marry a millionaire. I really can't manage to express how completely inappropriate I feel the remark is. To the assholes downvoting this: you are sexist pigs. May you burn in hell.

coldtea 9y ago
>It also feels very personally insulting to me as it dismisses my competence as a mother based on the fact that I failed to marry a millionaire. How exactly does it "dismisses your competence" as a mother? Parent commenter merely said (and that in jest) that Bezos' wife managing to snatch a millionaire proves she's resourceful. So, even if the parent had said it seriously, at worst it would only imply that your failing to marry a millionaire means you've failed to prove you're resourceful in THAT particular way. You could still be resourceful in millions of other ways. It says absolutely nothing about anybody's general resourcefulness or competence "as a mother". Nor it implies that women should do that (snatch a millionaire). If anything, even if the whole thing is obviously said jokingly, it implicitly would seem to condemn the practice. >I really can't manage to express how completely inappropriate I feel the remark is. Well, surely you can't seem to be able to express it in a coherent manner. >To the assholes downvoting this: you are sexist pigs. May you burn in hell. Or you know, they simply disagree with what you wrote. And your added swearing doesn't help your case either. Language.
- Mz 9y ago
  I seem to be the most prominent woman here. I got there in part by biting my tongue a lot in the face of a lot of less than respectful stuff driven by sexist social norms. I generally go to pains to not cuss "at" people, even though I tend to swear like a sailor and use the F word like other people use very. But this whole thing is simply beyond the pale. If I joked that Paul Graham married well and this clearly is evidence of his resourcefulness/his biggest accomplishment, that would get flagged to death so fast your head would spin. There is absolutely nothing that makes his or your comment fit the guidelines of engaging in a generally respectful fashion. I am essentially being called a cheap whore and told to get a sense of humor for finding that incredibly inappropriate.
  - candiodari 9y ago
    Is this really sexist though ? I mean, it's not like the opinions people have of men who have insignificant accomplishments but marry a rich woman are any different.
    - Mz 9y ago
      It is a left-handed way of dismissing me personally. I have already commented on that. I plan to bow out of this conversation. The entire thing has been a really shitty experience for me. This plus other crappy things on HN today has me pretty fed up in a way I rarely feel. I usually have a lot of good things to say about HN. But this has not been a good day for me in HN land. Adieu.
      - jbpritts 9y ago
        You're not as resourceful as you claim then. I mean you're already giving up.
        Mz 9y ago
        I have been at this eight years. I appear to be the only woman on the leaderboard. I got there shortly after getting myself off the street. A piece of mine was flagged off the front page in the last couple of hours after two people characterized it as SEO spam because I was talking about the service I worked for while homeless, a service recommended to me by patio11 who then dragged my name through the mud a few months later for repeating his advice on HN. No, no one is vouching for me and saying "she spent nearly six years homeless and was quite open about it. She is the real deal." Whenever I comment on the lack of that kind of support, a thing the respected male members of the community get, I get pissed all over. When I express my opinion that my intractable poverty is partly due to being treated different from the guys on HN, I get pissed on some more. I have been diplomatic. I have been patient. I have been LNG suffering. I still have to put up with disrespectful snark like your comment here. As usual, I don't know how I will early this week. As usual, I am failing to do paid work this weekend due to fever. As usual, there is no point in complaining about how hard my life is. It gets me zero sympathy or compassion, even when the callousness I face makes me suicidal. That is the wrong thing to say. It makes other people uncomfortable and a poor person and woman should not do that. I have a form of cystic fibrosis, as does my oldest son. We are getting well. I get no credit for that. When I talk about it, I get called crazy and a liar. (Pick one: either I am crazy and deluded but believe what I am saying, or I am lying. You can't actually have it both ways.) So I am kind of at the end of my rope, not because of some stupid discussion on HN, but because of many years of enormous mountains of bullshit that would have broken most other people years ago. In fact, I am literally supposed to be dead from my condition. But let's go with your theory that I'm just a sissy. The men here are far more comfortable with that idea. "But we aren't sexist."

by Mz 9y ago

coldtea 9y ago

>It also feels very personally insulting to me as it dismisses my competence as a mother based on the fact that I failed to marry a millionaire. How exactly does it "dismisses your competence" as a mother? Parent commenter merely said (and that in jest) that Bezos' wife managing to snatch a millionaire proves she's resourceful. So, even if the parent had said it seriously, at worst it would only imply that your failing to marry a millionaire means you've failed to prove you're resourceful in THAT particular way. You could still be resourceful in millions of other ways. It says absolutely nothing about anybody's general resourcefulness or competence "as a mother". Nor it implies that women should do that (snatch a millionaire). If anything, even if the whole thing is obviously said jokingly, it implicitly would seem to condemn the practice. >I really can't manage to express how completely inappropriate I feel the remark is. Well, surely you can't seem to be able to express it in a coherent manner. >To the assholes downvoting this: you are sexist pigs. May you burn in hell. Or you know, they simply disagree with what you wrote. And your added swearing doesn't help your case either. Language.

Mz 9y ago
I seem to be the most prominent woman here. I got there in part by biting my tongue a lot in the face of a lot of less than respectful stuff driven by sexist social norms. I generally go to pains to not cuss "at" people, even though I tend to swear like a sailor and use the F word like other people use very. But this whole thing is simply beyond the pale. If I joked that Paul Graham married well and this clearly is evidence of his resourcefulness/his biggest accomplishment, that would get flagged to death so fast your head would spin. There is absolutely nothing that makes his or your comment fit the guidelines of engaging in a generally respectful fashion. I am essentially being called a cheap whore and told to get a sense of humor for finding that incredibly inappropriate.
- candiodari 9y ago
  Is this really sexist though ? I mean, it's not like the opinions people have of men who have insignificant accomplishments but marry a rich woman are any different.
  - Mz 9y ago
    It is a left-handed way of dismissing me personally. I have already commented on that. I plan to bow out of this conversation. The entire thing has been a really shitty experience for me. This plus other crappy things on HN today has me pretty fed up in a way I rarely feel. I usually have a lot of good things to say about HN. But this has not been a good day for me in HN land. Adieu.
    - jbpritts 9y ago
      You're not as resourceful as you claim then. I mean you're already giving up.
      - Mz 9y ago
        I have been at this eight years. I appear to be the only woman on the leaderboard. I got there shortly after getting myself off the street. A piece of mine was flagged off the front page in the last couple of hours after two people characterized it as SEO spam because I was talking about the service I worked for while homeless, a service recommended to me by patio11 who then dragged my name through the mud a few months later for repeating his advice on HN. No, no one is vouching for me and saying "she spent nearly six years homeless and was quite open about it. She is the real deal." Whenever I comment on the lack of that kind of support, a thing the respected male members of the community get, I get pissed all over. When I express my opinion that my intractable poverty is partly due to being treated different from the guys on HN, I get pissed on some more. I have been diplomatic. I have been patient. I have been LNG suffering. I still have to put up with disrespectful snark like your comment here. As usual, I don't know how I will early this week. As usual, I am failing to do paid work this weekend due to fever. As usual, there is no point in complaining about how hard my life is. It gets me zero sympathy or compassion, even when the callousness I face makes me suicidal. That is the wrong thing to say. It makes other people uncomfortable and a poor person and woman should not do that. I have a form of cystic fibrosis, as does my oldest son. We are getting well. I get no credit for that. When I talk about it, I get called crazy and a liar. (Pick one: either I am crazy and deluded but believe what I am saying, or I am lying. You can't actually have it both ways.) So I am kind of at the end of my rope, not because of some stupid discussion on HN, but because of many years of enormous mountains of bullshit that would have broken most other people years ago. In fact, I am literally supposed to be dead from my condition. But let's go with your theory that I'm just a sissy. The men here are far more comfortable with that idea. "But we aren't sexist."