I hear you on that. I guess for me, when I look back and am honest with myself, what I thought was joyous excess at the time was really me being in a dark spot

I hear you on that. I guess for me, when I look back and am honest with myself, what I thought was joyous excess at the time was really me being in a dark spot and excusing many of my behaviors because alcohol. When I think back on things I have done that I feel twinges of regret about or that were blatantly disgusting in hindsight, probably 80% of the time liquor was involved in some fashion.