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You should grow up and learn to empathize with people different than you. It's not hard, you just have to imagine why someone with a different background than y

You should grow up and learn to empathize with people different than you. It's not hard, you just have to imagine why someone with a different background than you might feel different about events than you do. She's much closer to this event, anyway, so I'm sure she's got a better opinion on it than you. And about her point of being sexualized - what if a guy had his face photoshopped onto he-man and that guy complained about being sexualized because now his face is on a shirtless strong dude. These arguments only go one way for people like this. You really don't see the difference between a male being sexualized among a mostly male audience, and a female who wants to be treated as a professional being sexualized? It's not that hard to figure out.

nv-vn 9y ago
I think people might agree with you more if you wrote this in a tone that is even slightly condescending. If your approach to responding to people who disagree with you is trying to shame them for their behavior and shut them out then nobody will ever want to hear out your argument or consider it.
- aaron-lebo 9y ago
  Not attempting to reason with someone so ideological, just want him to be aware that is viewpoint isn't ok. We need to send a message back to her that she is the one being drama and needs to grow up and be a 'real adult' like she says she is. Honestly that just sounds threatening, it's not alright.
  - nv-vn 9y ago
    >His viewpoint isn't okay And yet you call upon him to act like an adult. Anyways, I'd love to hear what defines a viewpoint as okay. Is it just the fact that it agrees with your viewpoint? I imagine you are some kind of authority on life who knows what every valid and invalid view is.
encinotech 9y ago
Maybe the guy is homosexual. Maybe his boyfriend will get pissed off now that the other homosexual men in the audience may react to him differently. Who knows You even say that "a male being sexualized in a mostly male audience" is ok. HOW IS THAT OK? You literally can't make judgements about what is OK or not, because you can't empathize with each person in each scenario who "knows it better than you" and if someone gets upset because reasons The point is even if everyone tries to act their best, you have no idea what will set her off, or the next person. And you are supporting a society where this behavior is OK. That is wrong.
- aaron-lebo 9y ago
  Yeah, didn't say that was ok, I was trying to explain to you that maybe, just maybe, that scenario might make someone uncomfortable. You've decided her reason are invalid, that's not how it works. You're complaining about her "demonizing" people, but you decided to make an account to demonize her without a shred of empathy. What's your excuse for why this bothers you so much?
  - encinotech 9y ago
    Thank you for trying to respond a bit more rationally. I'll break this down further: Of course she could be uncomfortable. Lets agree she's actually reasonable in doing so. However, you don't know what will make one person uncomfortable or not. Can you? You can guess, you can try your best, but ultimately you have no idea what someone will find offense. Can you? Is there an algorithm for it? No. Ok so that means that sometimes people will be offended by things that weren't intended to offend. Now we're to the point where the offended person gets to React. How do they handle it? Do they think of all the angles? What I disagree with is her reaction. You don't seem to disagree. This is what I am saying should be changed. Aaron- maybe her talk would have helped hundreds of people. All those people lost out. Could she have asked the organizers in advance to change the image? It looked like they these went out privately for approval. Maybe I mis-read that? Lets assume that they never asked for her approval and 5 minutes before she goes up, the slide goes up and BAM she is uncomfortable and feels sexualized. Again, its about her reaction. Others in this thread commented they would roll with it, be resilient, etc. This is what we, as society, should reinforce in each other. And yes, we have to make judgments about where the line is. I don't agree with her judgement, I'll state that clearly. Think about this: I think she only thought about herself and PROJECTED onto everyone else that they would stereotype her. What if I were in the audience and saw the image and also thought "oh wow that sucks for her, ok i'll be extra supportive of her and try my best to not sexualize her". So, when you support her reaction, you are actually making a negative judgement about everyone else in the audience as well. I'm curious how you think about that? Maybe i'm missing another perspective. Please let me know and i'm curious to introspect my own thoughts further. I can't help but think if she just went along with it, everyone would respect her as a woman in tech to a much higher degree because she would have actually been a woman in tech doing real tech talks. Now shes a woman in tech not doing tech talks. It's kind of sad.
drharby 9y ago
>you should grow up Tactfully tactful

nv-vn 9y ago

I think people might agree with you more if you wrote this in a tone that is even slightly condescending. If your approach to responding to people who disagree with you is trying to shame them for their behavior and shut them out then nobody will ever want to hear out your argument or consider it.

aaron-lebo 9y ago
Not attempting to reason with someone so ideological, just want him to be aware that is viewpoint isn't ok. We need to send a message back to her that she is the one being drama and needs to grow up and be a 'real adult' like she says she is. Honestly that just sounds threatening, it's not alright.
- nv-vn 9y ago
  >His viewpoint isn't okay And yet you call upon him to act like an adult. Anyways, I'd love to hear what defines a viewpoint as okay. Is it just the fact that it agrees with your viewpoint? I imagine you are some kind of authority on life who knows what every valid and invalid view is.

encinotech 9y ago

Maybe the guy is homosexual. Maybe his boyfriend will get pissed off now that the other homosexual men in the audience may react to him differently. Who knows You even say that "a male being sexualized in a mostly male audience" is ok. HOW IS THAT OK? You literally can't make judgements about what is OK or not, because you can't empathize with each person in each scenario who "knows it better than you" and if someone gets upset because reasons The point is even if everyone tries to act their best, you have no idea what will set her off, or the next person. And you are supporting a society where this behavior is OK. That is wrong.

aaron-lebo 9y ago
Yeah, didn't say that was ok, I was trying to explain to you that maybe, just maybe, that scenario might make someone uncomfortable. You've decided her reason are invalid, that's not how it works. You're complaining about her "demonizing" people, but you decided to make an account to demonize her without a shred of empathy. What's your excuse for why this bothers you so much?
- encinotech 9y ago
  Thank you for trying to respond a bit more rationally. I'll break this down further: Of course she could be uncomfortable. Lets agree she's actually reasonable in doing so. However, you don't know what will make one person uncomfortable or not. Can you? You can guess, you can try your best, but ultimately you have no idea what someone will find offense. Can you? Is there an algorithm for it? No. Ok so that means that sometimes people will be offended by things that weren't intended to offend. Now we're to the point where the offended person gets to React. How do they handle it? Do they think of all the angles? What I disagree with is her reaction. You don't seem to disagree. This is what I am saying should be changed. Aaron- maybe her talk would have helped hundreds of people. All those people lost out. Could she have asked the organizers in advance to change the image? It looked like they these went out privately for approval. Maybe I mis-read that? Lets assume that they never asked for her approval and 5 minutes before she goes up, the slide goes up and BAM she is uncomfortable and feels sexualized. Again, its about her reaction. Others in this thread commented they would roll with it, be resilient, etc. This is what we, as society, should reinforce in each other. And yes, we have to make judgments about where the line is. I don't agree with her judgement, I'll state that clearly. Think about this: I think she only thought about herself and PROJECTED onto everyone else that they would stereotype her. What if I were in the audience and saw the image and also thought "oh wow that sucks for her, ok i'll be extra supportive of her and try my best to not sexualize her". So, when you support her reaction, you are actually making a negative judgement about everyone else in the audience as well. I'm curious how you think about that? Maybe i'm missing another perspective. Please let me know and i'm curious to introspect my own thoughts further. I can't help but think if she just went along with it, everyone would respect her as a woman in tech to a much higher degree because she would have actually been a woman in tech doing real tech talks. Now shes a woman in tech not doing tech talks. It's kind of sad.

drharby 9y ago

>you should grow up Tactfully tactful