3 ms·

a constancy of purpose is key towards a successful and happy life Doesn't work like that for me though. I'd just be unhappy if I'd constantly be setting big li

by stinos 9y ago

a constancy of purpose is key towards a successful and happy life Doesn't work like that for me though. I'd just be unhappy if I'd constantly be setting big life goals and not reaching them when planned, or at all. I don't do much long term planning at all. I just let things happen as they come by and manage fine with just shorter term planning (e.g. 'next week I'll work on that, week after that maybe on that'). I never planned for a job or a certain hobby or a girlfriend or a house. Yet I do have all of that. A lot of it due to mere coincidence. I thought of those things, of course, but never actively took up any long term plans to steer my life into some direction. That feels too limiting for me, I like to keep possibilities open. Which leads to me now doing and liking things I couldn't even imagine doing even a couple of years ago. No idea if that's a causal effect, but I also don't really care. And by society's measures I'm succesful. Though a bit weird.

cmatt01 9y ago
I agree totally.
borroka 9y ago
If you are not repeatedly looking for an out in your relationship or for other sides/partners, you are showing constancy of purpose, which does not have to be forever, either the constancy or the purpose. Studying at school for ~ 22 years until I got my Ph.D. only occasionally second-guessing myself as everybody should do, showed constancy of purpose. Which I found way more fulfilling than, hypothetically, having done the same with inconstancy of purpose.
zo7 9y ago
> I'd just be unhappy if I'd constantly be setting big life goals and not reaching them when planned, or at all. This is key, I think. You need to have some acceptance that you actually have very little control over your life. Plan for and manage the parts of your life that you do have control over, and keep an open mind about the rest. Some of the unhappiest people I know are those with lofty goals that they either fail to meet, or have unrealistic expectations about what they will get for meeting them.
- stingraycharles 9y ago
  But this isn’t true. You have a lot of control over your life. You just should keep your goals realistic, which is a completely different thing. If you set a goal to be your own boss, to save money to travel the world, to reach financial independence / retire early, those are all “big” goals that can give purpose to your life. You have a tremendous amount of control over your own life, to shape it and achieve happiness. It’s just that many people are too busy with distractions to see the bigger picture and plan accordingly.
  - zo7 9y ago
    You could strike out on your own only to find out there's not enough of a market to support yourself with your skills and you have to get a job again. You could set a goal to save money to travel the world and have it all be depleted recovering from a medical emergency that leaves you disabled. You could invest all of your money for retirement only to see it vanish in an economic crisis. These are more realistic but there's still an element of chance that could wrestle control away from you. If you use goals to give purpose to your life, what will you do if you discover that you absolutely cannot meet them? If it was the source of your drive, will you be able to laugh it off? What if you get there and discover that meeting your goal was not something that you even wanted at all? My point was that you could instead focus on things immediately under your control: you could learn skills and network which may help you become your own boss, but it may also help you get a better job or start a new career if you'd rather. You could save money which would allow you to possibly travel the world one day, or it might allow you to indulge in some other nice experience or simply help reduce stress in your life. You maintain control over your life and can seize opportunities as they come, but you're not constrained by stuff outside your control, or even your past self who was setting the goals to begin with.
nextos 9y ago
OP here. By constancy of purpose I meant a more or less stable set of habits or processes, not goals. I agree big goals are difficult to achieve because as von Moltke said, "no plan survives contact with the enemy". They can also be limiting, as you pointed out, because your interests may change.

by stinos 9y ago

cmatt01 9y ago

I agree totally.

borroka 9y ago

If you are not repeatedly looking for an out in your relationship or for other sides/partners, you are showing constancy of purpose, which does not have to be forever, either the constancy or the purpose. Studying at school for ~ 22 years until I got my Ph.D. only occasionally second-guessing myself as everybody should do, showed constancy of purpose. Which I found way more fulfilling than, hypothetically, having done the same with inconstancy of purpose.

zo7 9y ago

> I'd just be unhappy if I'd constantly be setting big life goals and not reaching them when planned, or at all. This is key, I think. You need to have some acceptance that you actually have very little control over your life. Plan for and manage the parts of your life that you do have control over, and keep an open mind about the rest. Some of the unhappiest people I know are those with lofty goals that they either fail to meet, or have unrealistic expectations about what they will get for meeting them.

stingraycharles 9y ago
But this isn’t true. You have a lot of control over your life. You just should keep your goals realistic, which is a completely different thing. If you set a goal to be your own boss, to save money to travel the world, to reach financial independence / retire early, those are all “big” goals that can give purpose to your life. You have a tremendous amount of control over your own life, to shape it and achieve happiness. It’s just that many people are too busy with distractions to see the bigger picture and plan accordingly.
- zo7 9y ago
  You could strike out on your own only to find out there's not enough of a market to support yourself with your skills and you have to get a job again. You could set a goal to save money to travel the world and have it all be depleted recovering from a medical emergency that leaves you disabled. You could invest all of your money for retirement only to see it vanish in an economic crisis. These are more realistic but there's still an element of chance that could wrestle control away from you. If you use goals to give purpose to your life, what will you do if you discover that you absolutely cannot meet them? If it was the source of your drive, will you be able to laugh it off? What if you get there and discover that meeting your goal was not something that you even wanted at all? My point was that you could instead focus on things immediately under your control: you could learn skills and network which may help you become your own boss, but it may also help you get a better job or start a new career if you'd rather. You could save money which would allow you to possibly travel the world one day, or it might allow you to indulge in some other nice experience or simply help reduce stress in your life. You maintain control over your life and can seize opportunities as they come, but you're not constrained by stuff outside your control, or even your past self who was setting the goals to begin with.

nextos 9y ago

OP here. By constancy of purpose I meant a more or less stable set of habits or processes, not goals. I agree big goals are difficult to achieve because as von Moltke said, "no plan survives contact with the enemy". They can also be limiting, as you pointed out, because your interests may change.