Those things aren't unspeakable, though. They're things we may (many do) have shame — or at least discomfort talking openly — about, but that's definitely surmo

Those things aren't unspeakable, though. They're things we may (many do) have shame — or at least discomfort talking openly — about, but that's definitely surmountable, if perhaps uncomfortably so. My current partner and I have very frank discussions about sex and fantasy and stuff. We've talked about things that are pretty far outside social norms, because we've explicitly agreed to engage from a place of not judging one another for our fantasies — particularly those that might somehow be transgressive. Yes, it's risky. Very. The outcome of having taken that risk includes a deeper understanding of one another, greater acceptance of one another, and some surprise, "Oh, you're into that, too?" that might never have happened if we hadn't decided to play that way (and, of course, an opportunity to explore those things). Someone who has a desire or fantasy that they want fulfilled without having to have that conversation with their partner is either delusional or in for some disappointment. Or, more likely, both.