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A mostly uninteresting article in my opinion, but didn't agree with this: > Dr. Bader said that she wished popular magazines would challenge the notion that yo
by faitswulff 9y ago
A mostly uninteresting article in my opinion, but didn't agree with this:
> Dr. Bader said that she wished popular magazines would challenge the notion that you shouldn’t get married to change someone.
Most of the relationships I've seen where one partner has a goal of changing the other person have failed. I would bet that this would bear out in a well-designed study as well.
- KGIII 9y agoYeah, it's much easier to find someone you can accept than it is to try to mold someone to your liking. In fact, I would submit that it says quite a bit about the person for attempting that level of control. I am not innocent. It's a lesson learned in time. And, yeah, a strange choice of article for HN. But, here we are.
- 482794793792894 9y agoWell, you can just as well be best friends, even if you're wanting to mold each other. Both parties just have to be open-minded about it. You might even see it as positive to be challenged in your ways, as it helps you to move yourself forward. For example, if you're a couch potato, you might actively look for a sporty partner in hope of being motivated to do sports.
- zzalpha 9y agoI think the word "goal" is too strong, here, but it is a valid point. People change, and in a good marriage, the spouses should absolutely push each other to change in ways that are healthy and positive. It's simply ridiculous to assume that whomever you're marrying, right now, is the person they will be for the rest of their lives, or that you shouldn't try to influence those changes. In fact, that goes beyond just marriages... I would hope that, in all of my relationships, be it as friend, brother, husband, or son, I am a positive influence on my loved ones, and that those people are a positive influence on me.