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Mz 9y ago
He was high up in a department I wanted a job in. I was not in the IT department, but I have a Certificate in GIS. He knew that and never wondered if I might be an asset to the IT department, nor if I might want to move to an IT position, which would have paid better than what I was doing. I really don't like your second question for a long list of reasons. I don't really see that being a constructive dialogue.
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- asdfasfhretwt 9y ago
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  - arkades 9y ago
    Re. Attractiveness: His being attractive wasn’t relevant to the career effects. She literally just said, “too bad; I would’ve enjoyed going out with him if not for the career effects.” It’s... actually completely irrelevant to the point of the post, except to say “the career effects are bad enough that they make me say no even to people I’d otherwise like to date.” It’s evidence of the weight of the effect. It doesn’t make the asking-out better or worse, and it’s unclear why that’s the direction of your question.
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arkades 9y ago
It slams doors shut because: If things don’t work out into a very long term relationship, entering his department would likely involve significant tension, if not hostility. How many people can work in close quarters with an ex? How many interactions can it bias - with him, with his current departmental colleagues? Will he handle it ending maturely? So many people don’t, and it’s a career at stake. And if it does work out, or for as long as it’s working, she will be undermined as the recipient of nepotism rather than making her career transitions on merit alone. Running the risk of being seen as someone who sleeps their way to the top is also likely to have detrimental long-term career effects. His asking closed doors for her just because she has foresight, not because he said “on the bed or on the road.” These are the sort of consequences that guys ignore when they whine about not being able to hit on women at work. The irony is: guys with more foresight/maturity get this, so they don’t ask. It’s the guys asking who are -also- more likely to be a fucking problem, because they’re exhibiting bad judgment to begin with. This isn’t some new over-sensitive ultra-feminist whatever whatever thing. “Don’t shit where you eat” is old advice, and always appropriate.
- Mz 9y ago
  In my case, it was also against company policy for two people to have a relationship where one was below the other in chain of command. So if he were in charge of people and projects, asking me out immediately barred me from ever getting any of the positions that he oversaw. Given his high rank, I assume he had some authority. But, I didn't ever know the exact structure of the IT department.

Mz 9y ago

He was high up in a department I wanted a job in. I was not in the IT department, but I have a Certificate in GIS. He knew that and never wondered if I might be an asset to the IT department, nor if I might want to move to an IT position, which would have paid better than what I was doing. I really don't like your second question for a long list of reasons. I don't really see that being a constructive dialogue.

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asdfasfhretwt 9y ago
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- arkades 9y ago
  Re. Attractiveness: His being attractive wasn’t relevant to the career effects. She literally just said, “too bad; I would’ve enjoyed going out with him if not for the career effects.” It’s... actually completely irrelevant to the point of the post, except to say “the career effects are bad enough that they make me say no even to people I’d otherwise like to date.” It’s evidence of the weight of the effect. It doesn’t make the asking-out better or worse, and it’s unclear why that’s the direction of your question.

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arkades 9y ago

It slams doors shut because: If things don’t work out into a very long term relationship, entering his department would likely involve significant tension, if not hostility. How many people can work in close quarters with an ex? How many interactions can it bias - with him, with his current departmental colleagues? Will he handle it ending maturely? So many people don’t, and it’s a career at stake. And if it does work out, or for as long as it’s working, she will be undermined as the recipient of nepotism rather than making her career transitions on merit alone. Running the risk of being seen as someone who sleeps their way to the top is also likely to have detrimental long-term career effects. His asking closed doors for her just because she has foresight, not because he said “on the bed or on the road.” These are the sort of consequences that guys ignore when they whine about not being able to hit on women at work. The irony is: guys with more foresight/maturity get this, so they don’t ask. It’s the guys asking who are -also- more likely to be a fucking problem, because they’re exhibiting bad judgment to begin with. This isn’t some new over-sensitive ultra-feminist whatever whatever thing. “Don’t shit where you eat” is old advice, and always appropriate.

Mz 9y ago
In my case, it was also against company policy for two people to have a relationship where one was below the other in chain of command. So if he were in charge of people and projects, asking me out immediately barred me from ever getting any of the positions that he oversaw. Given his high rank, I assume he had some authority. But, I didn't ever know the exact structure of the IT department.