I think the trick with your 14 year old is the same lesson I eventually learned for myself when I was older. I didn't see the negative value of ignoring the cho

I think the trick with your 14 year old is the same lesson I eventually learned for myself when I was older. I didn't see the negative value of ignoring the chores until I branched out on my own. Immediately, I found myself in an apartment with 3 other roommates, and I was the only one who would do the dishes with any regularity. Those'll attract bugs real fast if they're just left out. Trouble is, you already know this. You keep the house tidy because you're aware of the negative repercussions, but your kids maybe haven't figured that out for themselves to quite the same level. To them, a chore's a chore, and what Mom hasn't found out yet she can't get upset about. The immediacy of the task just isn't there. What finally did it for me as an adult was the realization that my relaxation activities will always be there. The deadline I'm skipping out on won't be, and it looms over my head, threatening my sanity if it's not done. Once I do the task, or at least make some forward progress on it (no zero days) then I can allow myself to relax in peace, confident that I'm in a good place. I think that's the trick. Get your kids to feel good about having accomplished their day's duties with positive encouragement, and make sure they know that they can game in peace after that. That'll balance out the bad cop moments, and if you can spin game time as its own reward for the day's efforts, you might just be able to turn a negative habit into a positive one.