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14 year old kids used to spend tons of time playing outside unsupervised. Now they have a carefully choreographed schedule packed with structured supervised act

14 year old kids used to spend tons of time playing outside unsupervised. Now they have a carefully choreographed schedule packed with structured supervised activities, an enormous pile of tedious homework, are not allowed to do anything mildly physically risky, and spend the remaining time sitting looking at a screen. Raking leaves or doing laundry is fine as far as it goes, but isn’t going to fundamentally rebalance anything. In my opinion kids that age (and especially younger) shouldn’t need to be experts at “time management”. They should just have engaging physical things to play with and a chance to learn about whatever happens to interest them.

tomohawk 9y ago
Part of being in a family is chipping in and doing what's required to keep the household going. A key teaching for children is for them to understand that we show our love for one another by our actions and inactions.
cyberferret 9y ago
Sorry, but I disagree with this. My son doesn't have any onerous 'structured supervised activities'. He mentioned from an early age that he hates team sports, so we have never pushed him to join a team or sports club of any sort. Of late, he has signed up and been accompanying me to my Kendo lessons (his choice), which has been a good opportunity for some father/son bonding, and also a way for him to improve his fitness and mental discipline. And that word 'discipline' is a key here. Chores aren't just about slave driving. I believe it is important for young kids to get used to a routine, and to learn that sometimes you have to do things even when it is not convenient. A well raked driveway (outside in the sunshine) should give him the satisfaction of a job well done at the end of it. Plus it is also necessary, as my wife and I (and his brother) simply struggle to cope with the daily maintenance tasks around the house given our work lives. Him doing chores hopefully also will impart on him that managing a household take a lot of work, and I hope it also makes him see that my wife and I are not just house cleaning and meal preparing robots that just make things magically happen. We have the philosophy that we ALL chip in to make our house a nice place to live in.
- jacobolus 9y ago
  When’s the last time your son hiked into the woods by himself, jumped into a lake from a 15 foot cliff, set something on fire, had a knife throwing contest, mixed some explosive chemicals together, snuck into an event without a ticket, or built a tree fort? Or more generally, when’s the last time you left him unsupervised for 5 or 6 hours outdoors with other kids but no adults? My point is not that kids should or shouldn’t do any particular activities, or that adult supervision is inherently bad, but kids (especially 8–14 year olds, after which kids sometimes started to get part-time jobs, do more academic work, etc.) used to have dramatically more time spent on free play actively entertaining themselves, and dramatically more time spent away from adult direction or control. In my parents’ era, homework load was much lower, and kids did few structured activities at all, and spent little time looking at screens. Most kids were raised in 2-parent households where one parent was pretty much always home, and both parents were under less work stress, but families had 3–8 children and it was impossible to be always watching the kids. Nowadays neighbors call the cops if they see a 10 year old walking to school. I don’t claim that the change is inherently good or bad, and every person is different, but it tends to result in the kids feeling like they lack autonomy and like they are constantly performing for the sake of adults. Some handle it fine and excel at (and enjoy) schoolwork. For some it causes intense anxiety, or reduces general motivation. Others end up acting out in more extreme or antisocial ways in response.
  - ScottBurson 9y ago
    I firmly agree with both of you :-) There is a balance to be struck here. Certainly a 14-year-old should be helping with the running of the household to some extent, but they also need free time.
- zzalpha 9y ago
  I can't help but laugh watching HN commenters, who probably have no kids of their own, take shots at your parenting style. You sound like you're crushing it. Keep it up, man. Personally, I grew up in a single parent family as a classic latchkey kid and greatly contributed to the household out of simple necessity. The life skills I learned were invaluable, and you're doing your kid a great service by having them learn those lessons.

tomohawk 9y ago

Part of being in a family is chipping in and doing what's required to keep the household going. A key teaching for children is for them to understand that we show our love for one another by our actions and inactions.

cyberferret 9y ago

Sorry, but I disagree with this. My son doesn't have any onerous 'structured supervised activities'. He mentioned from an early age that he hates team sports, so we have never pushed him to join a team or sports club of any sort. Of late, he has signed up and been accompanying me to my Kendo lessons (his choice), which has been a good opportunity for some father/son bonding, and also a way for him to improve his fitness and mental discipline. And that word 'discipline' is a key here. Chores aren't just about slave driving. I believe it is important for young kids to get used to a routine, and to learn that sometimes you have to do things even when it is not convenient. A well raked driveway (outside in the sunshine) should give him the satisfaction of a job well done at the end of it. Plus it is also necessary, as my wife and I (and his brother) simply struggle to cope with the daily maintenance tasks around the house given our work lives. Him doing chores hopefully also will impart on him that managing a household take a lot of work, and I hope it also makes him see that my wife and I are not just house cleaning and meal preparing robots that just make things magically happen. We have the philosophy that we ALL chip in to make our house a nice place to live in.

jacobolus 9y ago
When’s the last time your son hiked into the woods by himself, jumped into a lake from a 15 foot cliff, set something on fire, had a knife throwing contest, mixed some explosive chemicals together, snuck into an event without a ticket, or built a tree fort? Or more generally, when’s the last time you left him unsupervised for 5 or 6 hours outdoors with other kids but no adults? My point is not that kids should or shouldn’t do any particular activities, or that adult supervision is inherently bad, but kids (especially 8–14 year olds, after which kids sometimes started to get part-time jobs, do more academic work, etc.) used to have dramatically more time spent on free play actively entertaining themselves, and dramatically more time spent away from adult direction or control. In my parents’ era, homework load was much lower, and kids did few structured activities at all, and spent little time looking at screens. Most kids were raised in 2-parent households where one parent was pretty much always home, and both parents were under less work stress, but families had 3–8 children and it was impossible to be always watching the kids. Nowadays neighbors call the cops if they see a 10 year old walking to school. I don’t claim that the change is inherently good or bad, and every person is different, but it tends to result in the kids feeling like they lack autonomy and like they are constantly performing for the sake of adults. Some handle it fine and excel at (and enjoy) schoolwork. For some it causes intense anxiety, or reduces general motivation. Others end up acting out in more extreme or antisocial ways in response.
- ScottBurson 9y ago
  I firmly agree with both of you :-) There is a balance to be struck here. Certainly a 14-year-old should be helping with the running of the household to some extent, but they also need free time.
zzalpha 9y ago
I can't help but laugh watching HN commenters, who probably have no kids of their own, take shots at your parenting style. You sound like you're crushing it. Keep it up, man. Personally, I grew up in a single parent family as a classic latchkey kid and greatly contributed to the household out of simple necessity. The life skills I learned were invaluable, and you're doing your kid a great service by having them learn those lessons.