5 ms·

You can probably take it as a rule of thumb from now on that if people don't think you're weird, you're living badly. i've been surprised by just how true this

• fmora 16y ago
  They probably think you are weird because consciously or sub-consciously you are acting smug.
  • natrius 16y ago
    Why do you think that explanation is particularly probable out of all of the other possibilities? It seems more likely that society would consider actions strange if the actions have justifications that most people don't understand or agree with, and they don't succeed in masking their judgement.
    • fmora 16y ago
      I think this because there are plenty of vegetarians and non-smokers, and non-drinkers around that people overall don't really find it weird. I myself do eat meat and drink alcohol but it is so little overall in a year that you could almost count me as a vegetarian and as a non-alcohol drinker. I do not smoke at all. Also, I've noticed that people that claim to be vegetarians do it in such a way that they come off smug.
      • dejb 16y ago
        > I've noticed that people that claim to be vegetarians do it in such a way that they come off smug. Unfortunately the act of unapologetically refusing to participate in something that most other people do is often considered smug. This is rather similar to the way atheists are considered smug by many religious people where as agnostics are not.
        • fmora 16y ago
          I don't think religious people consider atheists smug. If nothing else they think they are going to hell. The thing is that many people come out and say "I'm a vegetarian" as if it were the second coming of Jesus. Honestly who gives a crap whether you are a vegetarian or not. No need to announce it to the world.
          • pyre 16y ago
            Do they just walk up and introduce themselves like: "Hi, I'm Bob. Oh, and I'm a vegetarian." ? Or is it more like: "No thanks, I don't eat meat. I'm a vegetarian." The second version doesn't really come off as smug, unless you're just someone that is easily offended. Interpreting that as anything more than an explanation of why the person doesn't want to accept your offer of meat (or something with meat) is spending too much time reading into it. Some people get offended at conversations like this: smoker: You got a smoke? non-smoker: Sorry, I don't smoke. Whether or not the smoker thinks that the non-smoker is being smug has more to do with the baggage that the smoker brings to the table (e.g. perceiving all non-smokers as looking down at him/her for being a smoker).
        • dedward 16y ago
          Yup... (not that there aren't plenty of smug people to go around....) I quit drinking for quite a long time - and in some situations it was impossible for me NOT to be rude. I very politely said "Nope, just a diet coke thanks!" when first asked for a drink.... then they'd keep pushing and pushing...... I'd drop a polite "Sorry man, I don't drink...".... no smug at all. It's after that that I might pull some attitude, when you just can't leave it alone and won't respect me enough and KEEP ASKING ME TO DRINK. If you're not a friend, and not a colleague, then i'll just ignore you likely. If you are a friend or colleague, you are showing a distinct and inappropriate lack of respect for my decision not to drink. Now - if you are already wasted, I'll grant you a grain of salt or two... I want you to have fun (I'm having fun) - but if you KEEP pushing me, I'm going to KEEP flatly refusing, and at some point, when I'm not having fun anymore, I'm going to leave - and I refuse to be the bad guy in that situation.
        • dedward 16y ago
      • Jach 16y ago
        I believe you're pretty much right on this, though I'd label it as a form of social signaling rather than outright smugness. It's the sort of group-identification we like, and depending on the group, want to signal "I made a better choice than you, you should be in my group too." The whole "I'm a vegan!" is similar to "I'm a Christian", "I'm an environmentalist!", "I'm an Objectivist!", "I'm an Atheist!", "I'm gay!" phrases I often hear or read, and that social signaling can easily come off as smug/arrogant/annoying/pushy, and in general just make us not like the person. More action-oriented phrasings like "I don't smoke", "I don't eat meat", "I don't believe in any deity" seem more reasonable and I think they produce better conversation.
• robryan 16y ago
  This depends, if you flat refuse all alcohol I can see how this would come across strange at social events. People that are drinking want everyone else in their presence to be loosened up a little as well. I would imagine the reaction would be different between I don't drink and I'm only having a couple. What is more interesting would be if your not drinking but are still relaxed and are lively with other people present, whether you seem strange because your not drinking or whether it's got to do with your interactions due to not drinking. I personally don't see anything wrong with not drinking unless your acting condescending to those that have had a few.
  • greendestiny 16y ago
    I think you're onto to something there. People probably have good reasons to try and avoid mismatches in levels of drinking at an event. Drinking breaks down social barriers but in doing so it makes people vulnerable. Maybe if you can sufficiently signal your commitment to the social situation without drinking you'd do better - ie make a bit of a fool of yourself to show your uninhibited state. As an experiment perhaps next party the grandparent commenter goes to he can wear a ridiculous Hawaiian shirt or something.
    • byw 16y ago
      I can see how it could put the drinker in a vulnerable position. Though what's interesting is when I am around drunk people, my own inhibition naturally drops even without drinking.
  • klipt 16y ago
    I don't drink but have no problem singing along with drunk friends. Maybe it was those improv classes... It probably helps that said friends are mature adults who don't use drunkenness as an excuse for antisocial stupidity.