4 ms·

I understand your point, but I think people put too much into the actual act of getting married. For my wife and I, I realized essentially nothing changed betwe

I understand your point, but I think people put too much into the actual act of getting married. For my wife and I, I realized essentially nothing changed between us. The only real change was that I was no longer "living in sin" according to my family, and people pester us more often about having kids. Also people make the mistake of thinking getting married will change things for the better. It never fixes issues.

astura 9y ago
Marriage never fixes things, agreed, nobody should expect that. However, marriage made our relationship way deeper and stronger compared to just living together. Even though we committed to being life partners before legally marrying. (I'm talking about marriage here, not having a wedding - sometimes people seem to confuse the two.)
- Balgair 9y ago
  > sometimes people seem to confuse the two Holy cow, will I ever echo that. I mention it in another comment, but to be clear, marriage is work. Again, it's a cornerstone, not a capstone, you have to build the house now. (Another piece of advice: In an argument, you are both correct at the same time. This is because you are co-owners and not co-workers)
Balgair 9y ago
I think it's a personal issue, and that your point of view is just as valid too! Marriage, for us, was a big deal. That commitment was heavy at the time. Breaking up with a GF, even one you lived with for years, is not too terrible (depending on local laws) outside of the emotional turmoil. Where we are, divorce is a nightmare of legal issues, time, money, and the emotional turmoil, let alone those with kiddos. Ending a marriage is a lot of hard work in a 'raw' time, and that weighed heavily on us both. I guess we were scared of that 'level' of love. That said, I am so glad we did it and want to kick my younger self for waiting so long. She helped me through all the weight of marriage, the wedding, and even today we lift each other. Marriage, like all things, takes practice to be good at, and a lot of work. But I wouldn't want anyone else to shoulder the loads with. For us, this weight has strengthened our backs. I know it's not for everyone, and that is OK! Y'all do y'allselves! Be happy and love the way you need to love! Be careful on separating 'want' and 'need' though. For myself, I have no idea why I didn't do it sooner, knowing what I know now. I guess I was unsure of the amount of responsibility I could handle. With her by my side, there is no amount of anything I cannot get through.

astura 9y ago

Marriage never fixes things, agreed, nobody should expect that. However, marriage made our relationship way deeper and stronger compared to just living together. Even though we committed to being life partners before legally marrying. (I'm talking about marriage here, not having a wedding - sometimes people seem to confuse the two.)

Balgair 9y ago
> sometimes people seem to confuse the two Holy cow, will I ever echo that. I mention it in another comment, but to be clear, marriage is work. Again, it's a cornerstone, not a capstone, you have to build the house now. (Another piece of advice: In an argument, you are both correct at the same time. This is because you are co-owners and not co-workers)

Balgair 9y ago

I think it's a personal issue, and that your point of view is just as valid too! Marriage, for us, was a big deal. That commitment was heavy at the time. Breaking up with a GF, even one you lived with for years, is not too terrible (depending on local laws) outside of the emotional turmoil. Where we are, divorce is a nightmare of legal issues, time, money, and the emotional turmoil, let alone those with kiddos. Ending a marriage is a lot of hard work in a 'raw' time, and that weighed heavily on us both. I guess we were scared of that 'level' of love. That said, I am so glad we did it and want to kick my younger self for waiting so long. She helped me through all the weight of marriage, the wedding, and even today we lift each other. Marriage, like all things, takes practice to be good at, and a lot of work. But I wouldn't want anyone else to shoulder the loads with. For us, this weight has strengthened our backs. I know it's not for everyone, and that is OK! Y'all do y'allselves! Be happy and love the way you need to love! Be careful on separating 'want' and 'need' though. For myself, I have no idea why I didn't do it sooner, knowing what I know now. I guess I was unsure of the amount of responsibility I could handle. With her by my side, there is no amount of anything I cannot get through.