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Marriage. She is my everything, and though as a GF she was that too, marriage is just deeper. Many of my single/unmarried friends don't have the trust and sup

Marriage. She is my everything, and though as a GF she was that too, marriage is just deeper. Many of my single/unmarried friends don't have the trust and support that I have. I try to tell them that 'pulling the trigger' is not with a gun aimed at your head, but more of the starter's pistol in a 3-legged-race; it's fun. Yes, we have issues, just like all humans. But as we have both grown and changed, holding each other up is something I can't believe I used to not have. Many 'millenials' seem to view marriage as a capstone to their pyramid. Get 'a degree', get 'a career', find 'the one', fall 'in love', etc. That's wrong, marriage a cornerstone you build a life together on top of. And yes, I am lucky, I know it, and I love her even more as a result. Maybe readers can extend this to any committed relationship, but I highly recommend taking the time to find that person and jumping in when you are only 70% certain of the commitment ( about 1 - 1/e, for the math folks). Don't wait, just love.

framebit 9y ago
Oh man, yes. For us, and for so many of my friends, it was hard to get over whatever big life thing seemed to stand in the way of getting married. "I just want to [finish my PhD, get a promotion, start my next big project, figure my life out 100%] before getting married." My consistent advice to them is don't wait! Your partner should be there to help you in your goals, not to drag you down! It'll be so much easier to finish your thesis, advance in your career, and figure out life when you're doing together in a position of strength.
Kevin_S 9y ago
I understand your point, but I think people put too much into the actual act of getting married. For my wife and I, I realized essentially nothing changed between us. The only real change was that I was no longer "living in sin" according to my family, and people pester us more often about having kids. Also people make the mistake of thinking getting married will change things for the better. It never fixes issues.
- astura 9y ago
  Marriage never fixes things, agreed, nobody should expect that. However, marriage made our relationship way deeper and stronger compared to just living together. Even though we committed to being life partners before legally marrying. (I'm talking about marriage here, not having a wedding - sometimes people seem to confuse the two.)
  - Balgair 9y ago
    > sometimes people seem to confuse the two Holy cow, will I ever echo that. I mention it in another comment, but to be clear, marriage is work. Again, it's a cornerstone, not a capstone, you have to build the house now. (Another piece of advice: In an argument, you are both correct at the same time. This is because you are co-owners and not co-workers)
- Balgair 9y ago
  I think it's a personal issue, and that your point of view is just as valid too! Marriage, for us, was a big deal. That commitment was heavy at the time. Breaking up with a GF, even one you lived with for years, is not too terrible (depending on local laws) outside of the emotional turmoil. Where we are, divorce is a nightmare of legal issues, time, money, and the emotional turmoil, let alone those with kiddos. Ending a marriage is a lot of hard work in a 'raw' time, and that weighed heavily on us both. I guess we were scared of that 'level' of love. That said, I am so glad we did it and want to kick my younger self for waiting so long. She helped me through all the weight of marriage, the wedding, and even today we lift each other. Marriage, like all things, takes practice to be good at, and a lot of work. But I wouldn't want anyone else to shoulder the loads with. For us, this weight has strengthened our backs. I know it's not for everyone, and that is OK! Y'all do y'allselves! Be happy and love the way you need to love! Be careful on separating 'want' and 'need' though. For myself, I have no idea why I didn't do it sooner, knowing what I know now. I guess I was unsure of the amount of responsibility I could handle. With her by my side, there is no amount of anything I cannot get through.
jotjotzzz 9y ago
I disagree. People actually jump-in to marriages willy-nilly without thinking about it. In order to have a fulfilling marriage requires a lot of work, which is what long-term dating should be until both are mature. You must have agreed upon values, money, almost everything before marrying someone. And I hope that every couple continue to "court" each other even when they are married. As in, don't let yourself go -- if you're fit and awesome, I expect you to be that throughout (unless health conditions etc., outside your control). Don't flip a switch after marriage. And expect a pre-nup. Just saying.
muzani 9y ago
I agree. Marriage is for the loyalty. When you are 100% loyal and committed to something, it unlocks a lot of new experiences. I liken it to a sports team. You can enjoy wins, but when your team wins or loses, you savor it a lot more. Marriage is not about having more stuff or winning in life. But you enjoy what you have more, and it absorbs the lows in life. There's also a saying in entrepreneurship - you need a cofounder to get places because it keeps you emotionally fortified when things get bad. Marriage does that function. Marriage lets you bounce ideas off someone. You can do so with a girlfriend or regular friends, but it's not the same as sharing with someone who is equally invested in your life.

framebit 9y ago

Oh man, yes. For us, and for so many of my friends, it was hard to get over whatever big life thing seemed to stand in the way of getting married. "I just want to [finish my PhD, get a promotion, start my next big project, figure my life out 100%] before getting married." My consistent advice to them is don't wait! Your partner should be there to help you in your goals, not to drag you down! It'll be so much easier to finish your thesis, advance in your career, and figure out life when you're doing together in a position of strength.

Kevin_S 9y ago

I understand your point, but I think people put too much into the actual act of getting married. For my wife and I, I realized essentially nothing changed between us. The only real change was that I was no longer "living in sin" according to my family, and people pester us more often about having kids. Also people make the mistake of thinking getting married will change things for the better. It never fixes issues.

astura 9y ago
Marriage never fixes things, agreed, nobody should expect that. However, marriage made our relationship way deeper and stronger compared to just living together. Even though we committed to being life partners before legally marrying. (I'm talking about marriage here, not having a wedding - sometimes people seem to confuse the two.)
- Balgair 9y ago
  > sometimes people seem to confuse the two Holy cow, will I ever echo that. I mention it in another comment, but to be clear, marriage is work. Again, it's a cornerstone, not a capstone, you have to build the house now. (Another piece of advice: In an argument, you are both correct at the same time. This is because you are co-owners and not co-workers)
Balgair 9y ago
I think it's a personal issue, and that your point of view is just as valid too! Marriage, for us, was a big deal. That commitment was heavy at the time. Breaking up with a GF, even one you lived with for years, is not too terrible (depending on local laws) outside of the emotional turmoil. Where we are, divorce is a nightmare of legal issues, time, money, and the emotional turmoil, let alone those with kiddos. Ending a marriage is a lot of hard work in a 'raw' time, and that weighed heavily on us both. I guess we were scared of that 'level' of love. That said, I am so glad we did it and want to kick my younger self for waiting so long. She helped me through all the weight of marriage, the wedding, and even today we lift each other. Marriage, like all things, takes practice to be good at, and a lot of work. But I wouldn't want anyone else to shoulder the loads with. For us, this weight has strengthened our backs. I know it's not for everyone, and that is OK! Y'all do y'allselves! Be happy and love the way you need to love! Be careful on separating 'want' and 'need' though. For myself, I have no idea why I didn't do it sooner, knowing what I know now. I guess I was unsure of the amount of responsibility I could handle. With her by my side, there is no amount of anything I cannot get through.

jotjotzzz 9y ago

I disagree. People actually jump-in to marriages willy-nilly without thinking about it. In order to have a fulfilling marriage requires a lot of work, which is what long-term dating should be until both are mature. You must have agreed upon values, money, almost everything before marrying someone. And I hope that every couple continue to "court" each other even when they are married. As in, don't let yourself go -- if you're fit and awesome, I expect you to be that throughout (unless health conditions etc., outside your control). Don't flip a switch after marriage. And expect a pre-nup. Just saying.

muzani 9y ago

I agree. Marriage is for the loyalty. When you are 100% loyal and committed to something, it unlocks a lot of new experiences. I liken it to a sports team. You can enjoy wins, but when your team wins or loses, you savor it a lot more. Marriage is not about having more stuff or winning in life. But you enjoy what you have more, and it absorbs the lows in life. There's also a saying in entrepreneurship - you need a cofounder to get places because it keeps you emotionally fortified when things get bad. Marriage does that function. Marriage lets you bounce ideas off someone. You can do so with a girlfriend or regular friends, but it's not the same as sharing with someone who is equally invested in your life.