There’s a lot of “I don’t want X” in your text but no “this is what I believe in”. This is the core of your issue. If you don’t have an ideal you work toward t

There’s a lot of “I don’t want X” in your text but no “this is what I believe in”. This is the core of your issue. If you don’t have an ideal you work toward then you will always end up hating your job. You sound like a smart guy, you just need to take some time and work out what your ideal world would be. When you know what that ideal is then work toward it every single day of your life. EDIT I’m guessing you’re someone who has looked to others to make decisions for you from the tone of your text. You need to start putting faith in your own actions and needs, rather than getting advice from others.