Nearly all of these features are appropriate to a cloud-based IDE with sync capabilities, not a distributed version control system. The author even acknowledges

Nearly all of these features are appropriate to a cloud-based IDE with sync capabilities, not a distributed version control system. The author even acknowledges he's thinking of such an IDE by referencing Cider. A DVCS does one thing and one thing well: it enables copying one history of a codebase to different clients. Broadcasting updates to a client's particular history to all other clients in real time is not its job - yet all the listed 'desirable' features (with the exception of those citing performance) seem to do just that.