4 ms·

> days to weeks to months where I’m derelict as a software engineer. Months? I don’t know anything about your situation, but how could you expect an employer t

by sjroot 9y ago

> days to weeks to months where I’m derelict as a software engineer. Months? I don’t know anything about your situation, but how could you expect an employer to think that this is worth their resources?

Mz 9y ago
Probably a poor framing. Maybe think of it as "No, I will not be working overtime on a regular basis and running flat out all the time. I may be able to do stuff like that occasionally, but I just can't sustain it for long periods." I am also chronically ill. I had a job at a Fortune 500 company at one time. People there were aware I was desperately poor because I was walking to work and everyone was giving me rides. Some folks knew this was because of my medical condition. The company didn't do shit all for me (other than all the offers of rides). Meanwhile, someone who made a lot more money than me had a death in the family and they did fundraisers so she could attend both the memorial service in one state and the actual funeral in another. They also routinely did fund raisers for people with a health crisis or a family member with a health crisis. I was there over five years. Nothing like that was ever done for me. It is part of why I left. ("Fuck you, too.") Yes, I have special needs. No, my special needs are not greater than that of other employees who were getting the support I lacked. I now do freelance work so I can work at my own pace. I have carefully arranged my life in that regard. But, really, I don't think I am more of a special snowflake than other people with jobs. But, for whatever reason, people think my needs are unreasonable, while they bend over backwards to take care of other people who, in some cases, have far less serious problems. I get that a lot, in all kinds of ways. I don't really understand why. It is possible that prejudice is an element. Flexible work and remote work is a potential boon for people with chronic health issues. There are a lot of people with such issues. As life expectancy increases and more people survive cancer, etc, we are going to see more people who can work, need to work and want to work, but they need to do it part time, flexibly and/or remotely.
- superb_herb 9y ago
  I'm not trying to defend the people at your former org, but from an etiquette standpoint, it's a lot less awkward to give money to people in the wake of death or sudden grave illness (like cancer) rather than to give money to people suffering an ongoing condition like poverty or chronic illness. Imagine a company holding fundraiser for Joe in accounting because he's poor. That is simply not culturally acceptable, though it's likely the right thing to do.
  - Mz 9y ago
    I quit that job to go live in a tent to get myself healthier. I was already a member of Hacker News when that happened. I joined the site while I still had a job at a Fortune 500 company. I was homeless for ~5.7 years. During that time, my goal was consistently to learn to make money online to support myself. People said shitty things to me like saying that I was "panhandling the internet." People pissed all over me, called me crazy, told me consistently to shut up about my problems, not because I was begging -- because I absolutely wasn't -- but because they had no plans to help me and it made them uncomfortable with the disconnect between what callous assholes they were and what nice people they imagined they were. A lot of people online knew of my plight. Most of them either did nothing to help me or actively pissed all over me. Meanwhile, I know of someone who joined Hacker News, networked, told everyone their sob story, got help pursuing their goals, was gifted money, etc. I never tried to use my sob story to manipulate people into giving me money. It works for some people. It isn't something I would ever do. I very much resent being accused of it. One of the problems appears to be that I am a woman. The ways in which that is a problem are complicated. But I am really tired of hearing all the excuses or explanations for why I need to understand why the entire world would like to tell me personally "Oh, fuck you. Feel free to die in the gutter. Also, stop making us aware of what assholes we are." I am really in no mood to listen to this kind of tripe from anyone. Your account is two days old. If you aren't trying to defend the people at my former org, then, you know, just don't. Don't come here and try to explain to me why it is okay for the entire world to have such a monstrous fuck you attitude towards me such that there is just no path forward, not even if I am willing to crawl naked across broken glass to get there. I spend a lot of time feeling suicidal over what I have learned about the monstrous heartlessness and callousness of the world in the last six years. I am not the type to go postal and go kill a bunch of people, but I certainly understand why that seems to be happening more and more here lately.
    - superb_herb 9y ago
      The entire world is not responsible for you, and is often cruel. It is very counterproductive to hold a chip on your shoulder for these perceived ills.
- danharaj 9y ago
  I dislike that your post had been downvoted when I wrote this comment. When I consider all of the possibilities in my life, I can very easily enumerate all the things that prevented me from getting institutionalized or ending up on the streets. People who don't want to take that inventory behave strangely towards those that must. Long story short, I'm an anarchocommunist for a reason. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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danharaj 9y ago
Unpaid time off is fine. You'd be surprised how few employers are willing to accommodate that. My current employer is a tight knit software firm, so it's not such a big deal if I take long unpaid leave at the end of a major project or milestone. I have a skill set and background that's difficult to train up. Edit: I should add that this may be an unreasonable expectation but it's the expectation I need to have in order to be stably employed.

by sjroot 9y ago

Mz 9y ago

Probably a poor framing. Maybe think of it as "No, I will not be working overtime on a regular basis and running flat out all the time. I may be able to do stuff like that occasionally, but I just can't sustain it for long periods." I am also chronically ill. I had a job at a Fortune 500 company at one time. People there were aware I was desperately poor because I was walking to work and everyone was giving me rides. Some folks knew this was because of my medical condition. The company didn't do shit all for me (other than all the offers of rides). Meanwhile, someone who made a lot more money than me had a death in the family and they did fundraisers so she could attend both the memorial service in one state and the actual funeral in another. They also routinely did fund raisers for people with a health crisis or a family member with a health crisis. I was there over five years. Nothing like that was ever done for me. It is part of why I left. ("Fuck you, too.") Yes, I have special needs. No, my special needs are not greater than that of other employees who were getting the support I lacked. I now do freelance work so I can work at my own pace. I have carefully arranged my life in that regard. But, really, I don't think I am more of a special snowflake than other people with jobs. But, for whatever reason, people think my needs are unreasonable, while they bend over backwards to take care of other people who, in some cases, have far less serious problems. I get that a lot, in all kinds of ways. I don't really understand why. It is possible that prejudice is an element. Flexible work and remote work is a potential boon for people with chronic health issues. There are a lot of people with such issues. As life expectancy increases and more people survive cancer, etc, we are going to see more people who can work, need to work and want to work, but they need to do it part time, flexibly and/or remotely.

superb_herb 9y ago
I'm not trying to defend the people at your former org, but from an etiquette standpoint, it's a lot less awkward to give money to people in the wake of death or sudden grave illness (like cancer) rather than to give money to people suffering an ongoing condition like poverty or chronic illness. Imagine a company holding fundraiser for Joe in accounting because he's poor. That is simply not culturally acceptable, though it's likely the right thing to do.
- Mz 9y ago
  I quit that job to go live in a tent to get myself healthier. I was already a member of Hacker News when that happened. I joined the site while I still had a job at a Fortune 500 company. I was homeless for ~5.7 years. During that time, my goal was consistently to learn to make money online to support myself. People said shitty things to me like saying that I was "panhandling the internet." People pissed all over me, called me crazy, told me consistently to shut up about my problems, not because I was begging -- because I absolutely wasn't -- but because they had no plans to help me and it made them uncomfortable with the disconnect between what callous assholes they were and what nice people they imagined they were. A lot of people online knew of my plight. Most of them either did nothing to help me or actively pissed all over me. Meanwhile, I know of someone who joined Hacker News, networked, told everyone their sob story, got help pursuing their goals, was gifted money, etc. I never tried to use my sob story to manipulate people into giving me money. It works for some people. It isn't something I would ever do. I very much resent being accused of it. One of the problems appears to be that I am a woman. The ways in which that is a problem are complicated. But I am really tired of hearing all the excuses or explanations for why I need to understand why the entire world would like to tell me personally "Oh, fuck you. Feel free to die in the gutter. Also, stop making us aware of what assholes we are." I am really in no mood to listen to this kind of tripe from anyone. Your account is two days old. If you aren't trying to defend the people at my former org, then, you know, just don't. Don't come here and try to explain to me why it is okay for the entire world to have such a monstrous fuck you attitude towards me such that there is just no path forward, not even if I am willing to crawl naked across broken glass to get there. I spend a lot of time feeling suicidal over what I have learned about the monstrous heartlessness and callousness of the world in the last six years. I am not the type to go postal and go kill a bunch of people, but I certainly understand why that seems to be happening more and more here lately.
  - superb_herb 9y ago
    The entire world is not responsible for you, and is often cruel. It is very counterproductive to hold a chip on your shoulder for these perceived ills.
danharaj 9y ago
I dislike that your post had been downvoted when I wrote this comment. When I consider all of the possibilities in my life, I can very easily enumerate all the things that prevented me from getting institutionalized or ending up on the streets. People who don't want to take that inventory behave strangely towards those that must. Long story short, I'm an anarchocommunist for a reason. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]

danharaj 9y ago

Unpaid time off is fine. You'd be surprised how few employers are willing to accommodate that. My current employer is a tight knit software firm, so it's not such a big deal if I take long unpaid leave at the end of a major project or milestone. I have a skill set and background that's difficult to train up. Edit: I should add that this may be an unreasonable expectation but it's the expectation I need to have in order to be stably employed.