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Incomplete story? Not sure you make a strong case for "for my own mental health its best", cause it sounded like things were quite good. Personally, I'm a micr

Incomplete story? Not sure you make a strong case for "for my own mental health its best", cause it sounded like things were quite good. Personally, I'm a micro-social-er. I joke with my son (and now, girlfriend) that we have an empty restaurant habit. I see and interact with people in my (admittedly) pretty regimented lifestyle (gym 1 or gym 2, daily trips to grocery stores 'cause i cook most of my foods, etc), movies alone, etc. I find socializing to be kind of like carbs... they're free and plentiful in the world. You can usually find someone to do something sometime in the next two weeks. Where people seem to fall apart on this is when they get a sense, on a Thursday, that they NEED to socialize the next day and can't lock in a participant. But that seems like poor planning more than, "I've been abandoned".

TrueSelfDao 9y ago
My worry is maintaining relationships. I'd happily be the guy who only socializes on Saturday, but I worry about the effects of not meeting with my group of friends as often as they meet with each other.
cellularmitosis 9y ago
I've been around the block with this issue myself. I've always needed less social interaction than most people I know, but recently I've taken a turn towards even more time alone than usual (a medical condition has me both cooking at home very frequently and doing anything I can to avoid stress, and a few key friends have become busy with marriage and kids). More time alone has definitely reduced my stress load, but I've noticed it seems to amplify tendencies towards depression and anxiety. This touches on a topic I often struggle with -- the advice to push yourself out of your comfort zone. At least with social anxiety and social ineptitude, my results seem to indicate that pushing myself results in a huge spike in stress, with maybe a tiny uptick in social savvy, whereas isolation drastically reduces that stress, but with no headway on becoming less socially awkward. The tradeoff seems very lop-sided (if becoming a social butterfly requires swallowing that much stress, I'm not sure it is worth it). I'm starting to think the "push yourself" is a piece of advice which seems universally applicable at first glance, but upon closer inspection you find it doesn't always fit.

TrueSelfDao 9y ago

My worry is maintaining relationships. I'd happily be the guy who only socializes on Saturday, but I worry about the effects of not meeting with my group of friends as often as they meet with each other.

cellularmitosis 9y ago

I've been around the block with this issue myself. I've always needed less social interaction than most people I know, but recently I've taken a turn towards even more time alone than usual (a medical condition has me both cooking at home very frequently and doing anything I can to avoid stress, and a few key friends have become busy with marriage and kids). More time alone has definitely reduced my stress load, but I've noticed it seems to amplify tendencies towards depression and anxiety. This touches on a topic I often struggle with -- the advice to push yourself out of your comfort zone. At least with social anxiety and social ineptitude, my results seem to indicate that pushing myself results in a huge spike in stress, with maybe a tiny uptick in social savvy, whereas isolation drastically reduces that stress, but with no headway on becoming less socially awkward. The tradeoff seems very lop-sided (if becoming a social butterfly requires swallowing that much stress, I'm not sure it is worth it). I'm starting to think the "push yourself" is a piece of advice which seems universally applicable at first glance, but upon closer inspection you find it doesn't always fit.