That's because you're not familiar with modern Perl libraries. Out of all of the languages I've worked with, by far my favorite database library is Perl's DBIx

That's because you're not familiar with modern Perl libraries. Out of all of the languages I've worked with, by far my favorite database library is Perl's DBIx::Class. If you want a mature, amazing web framework in Perl, look at Catalyst. Perl has a lot more than just "little utility libraries" if you care to look.