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I think your problem is with your mentality of "my money" when it comes to you vs your children. I cannot even understand that to be honest. In cultures where

I think your problem is with your mentality of "my money" when it comes to you vs your children. I cannot even understand that to be honest. In cultures where children are expected to take care of their aging parents, it is pretty much a foregone conclusion that the child who ends up taking care of them gets to inherit most of the estate.

Swizec 9y ago
> I think your problem is with your mentality of "my money" when it comes to you vs your children. I cannot even understand that to be honest. Why? It's one thing when they're children, sure if I had kids I'd do everything for them (which is why I don't have them). But when they're in their 40s or 50s and still trying to mooch off me? Screw that.
- charlesdm 9y ago
  "Mooch off you"? My grandfather isn't in the best shape (he was diagnosed with alzheimer's last year) and I want to make sure the few years he has left, he can enjoy them (even if he won't remember everything). My mom has one brother, and I'm an only child, so I will (probably) indirectly inherit a decent amount of his wealth. And yet, I couldn't care less. Yes, an inheritance is nice to receive. But I'd give it up in a heartbeat if it meant having a person you love around for another 10+ years.
  - caseysoftware 9y ago
    That's awful and I'm sorry.
    - charlesdm 9y ago
      Thanks. :( That's life I guess -- you play the hand you're dealt.
  - Swizec 9y ago
    > "Mooch off you"? Yes, as per my original post where I specifically said the hypothetical person in question takes the money for their own needs, not for the needs of the person whom they have power of attorney over.
    - charlesdm 9y ago
      Regardless of age, that should never happen. People who abuse power of attorney (and especially if family) are horrible people (and yet, I am aware, there are many). My tax lawyer told me a story about how some guy, who was appointed by the courts to handle the affairs of older people who were unable to, abused said privilege and went ahead and purchased himself a new luxury car, furniture etc using funds from the people he was supposed to protect. I don't get how people end up doing things like that..
      - Swizec 9y ago
        Yup, that's beyond horrible. But not something I'd be worried about when it comes to family. I think I can trust them enough for that. The part that worries me is when people get pressed between a rock and a hard place. It is exceptionally difficult to keep your hands out of the honey jar sitting in your lap when you're starving.
        fapjacks 9y ago
        My great uncle was basically robbed by his own daughter, and his daughter had money to begin with. She had power of attorney and sold everything he owned out from underneath him while his wife (her mother) was dying in the hospital of cancer. It took everything he had left to defend himself from becoming stuck in a home. I don't know the awful woman that did this to him, but obviously my great uncle thought he could trust his daughter (his daughter!) enough not to steal everything he owned and sell it. You cannot trust family. Honestly, I would rather set up a trust of some kind that is very explicit about my elder care, which has this durable power of attorney even if/when I'm not there anymore mentally. Blood is a terrible reason to make any business arrangement in our culture. We are trained to be lone wolves from the beginning in American culture. I don't understand how people can then years later come around and act like their children can be trusted not to be lone wolves when it comes to their care.

Swizec 9y ago

> I think your problem is with your mentality of "my money" when it comes to you vs your children. I cannot even understand that to be honest. Why? It's one thing when they're children, sure if I had kids I'd do everything for them (which is why I don't have them). But when they're in their 40s or 50s and still trying to mooch off me? Screw that.

charlesdm 9y ago
"Mooch off you"? My grandfather isn't in the best shape (he was diagnosed with alzheimer's last year) and I want to make sure the few years he has left, he can enjoy them (even if he won't remember everything). My mom has one brother, and I'm an only child, so I will (probably) indirectly inherit a decent amount of his wealth. And yet, I couldn't care less. Yes, an inheritance is nice to receive. But I'd give it up in a heartbeat if it meant having a person you love around for another 10+ years.
- caseysoftware 9y ago
  That's awful and I'm sorry.
  - charlesdm 9y ago
    Thanks. :( That's life I guess -- you play the hand you're dealt.
- Swizec 9y ago
  > "Mooch off you"? Yes, as per my original post where I specifically said the hypothetical person in question takes the money for their own needs, not for the needs of the person whom they have power of attorney over.
  - charlesdm 9y ago
    Regardless of age, that should never happen. People who abuse power of attorney (and especially if family) are horrible people (and yet, I am aware, there are many). My tax lawyer told me a story about how some guy, who was appointed by the courts to handle the affairs of older people who were unable to, abused said privilege and went ahead and purchased himself a new luxury car, furniture etc using funds from the people he was supposed to protect. I don't get how people end up doing things like that..
    - Swizec 9y ago
      Yup, that's beyond horrible. But not something I'd be worried about when it comes to family. I think I can trust them enough for that. The part that worries me is when people get pressed between a rock and a hard place. It is exceptionally difficult to keep your hands out of the honey jar sitting in your lap when you're starving.
      - fapjacks 9y ago
        My great uncle was basically robbed by his own daughter, and his daughter had money to begin with. She had power of attorney and sold everything he owned out from underneath him while his wife (her mother) was dying in the hospital of cancer. It took everything he had left to defend himself from becoming stuck in a home. I don't know the awful woman that did this to him, but obviously my great uncle thought he could trust his daughter (his daughter!) enough not to steal everything he owned and sell it. You cannot trust family. Honestly, I would rather set up a trust of some kind that is very explicit about my elder care, which has this durable power of attorney even if/when I'm not there anymore mentally. Blood is a terrible reason to make any business arrangement in our culture. We are trained to be lone wolves from the beginning in American culture. I don't understand how people can then years later come around and act like their children can be trusted not to be lone wolves when it comes to their care.