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My mom and aunt are fighting over this right now. My aunt moved in next to my grandparents some 30 years ago and has cared for them since that time. Then aroun
by burntrelish1273 9y ago
My mom and aunt are fighting over this right now.
My aunt moved in next to my grandparents some 30 years ago and has cared for them since that time. Then around 10 years ago, my grandfather died. Since that time, her assets have reduced by over $400k while receiving spouse military and civil service retirement and social security and payments for long-term care (over $7k in income per month). In the past 3 years, my grandmother has become more difficult and lost her mind. More recently, my mother is getting more and more upset that my aunt got financial and medical POA without informing her because my aunt pays her personal credit card bills, uses my grandmother's card as hers, eats out often/pays for other people's meals and generally seems irresponsible with money. So my mom, in an effort to prevent all the money from being wasted, cashed out a significant certificate of deposit and created a new account for it at a new bank. That way, if my grandmother (their mother) needs money, it will be there.
Un/fortunately, my mother also involved the state's elder financial abuse protection department whom made a determination that she was the elder abuser when my aunt recently gifted my grandmother's house to herself, in addition to two vehicles (a car and a van). And now there are also lawsuits, so now lawyers will get what scraps they were fighting over. Ugh. Stupid money family drama sucks.
Summary:
Don't put any adult children's names on any accounts. Bank accounts, investments, CDs, etc. should be payable upon death.
Do a will and living revocable trust. Probate and taxes can also take your kids' inheritance.
All adult children able to see but not use or modify credit card and banking accounts, and agree to financial decisions together.
Place a lock on elderly parent's credit reports.
Have parents split up/allocate inheritance before losing their mind/s or passing away.
Make wills specific so there are fewer arguments.
Have a single place (ie fireproof safe) where keys, documents, online passwords, bills, assets, properties are inventoried and include whom to call to cancel, transfer, etc.
Make end-of-life and upon death directives clear and precise.
If doing burial or cremation, get it pre-need because it's much cheaper and much nicer for the family.
- caseysoftware 9y agoI'd recommend adding the same restrictions to cell phone accounts too. An authorized user can do basically anything except close the account. I just helped grandma dig through her account and found cousins on the account, started with basic service, upgraded their service, and then got phones via monthly payment on the account. And not basic phones, it included an iPhone 7s Gold 128GB ($750 at the time).
- burntrelish1273 9y agoYes, definitely. Consider cancelling unused credit cards and any service provider that can bill back (ie cable/satellite, land-line, store cards, maintenance, landscaping, etc.) For cloud services like Google/Apple/Microsoft/Facebook, remove the payment methods, at a minimum. Financial elder abuse is a crime, a felony, in most states.
- busterarm 9y agoA similar thing happened to my mom with her mother's estate and the fight with her 4 siblings. Two vs Three basically. Pretty much a decade-long court battle since grandma died that only ended earlier this year, but really it's been a fight in court since 1989 when my grandfather passed away. All the money was basically stolen by one of the children and her mafia-associated husband. My aunt's outbursts in court had both her and my 73 year old mother thrown in jail for months for contempt of court and the other siblings used that time to sign all of the remaining assets into their own name. Highly suspicious about the judge involved and there's currently a review of his actions wrt the case going on now. Honestly, if there is money involved and you have siblings you don't agree with, you have to be prepared to either walk away from the money and your family completely or to kill them, because honestly it's less hassle.
- gertef 9y agoInteresting that your aunt cared for their mother for 30 years, drawing a small compensation rate, and your mother just took an interest in grandmother's care decades later when her inheritance started to dwindle.
- Xeoncross 9y ago$13k a year for care seems like a good deal to me. I'd hire the Aunt too.
- louithethrid 9y agoNothing warms the heart, after a family reunited after a diaper-change avoidance drama is resolved by finding a common hobby - such as collecting little pictures of former presidents.
- brandonmenc 9y agoHaving seen family members in similar situations, this is not "interesting" - your implication being that OP's mother is the swindler. It's a common pattern: Family "takes care" of an elder while blowing through their money. Money now depleted, a more responsible family member steps in to manage the final years, only to be vilified by everyone who rode the gravy train in.
- 3131s 9y agoThis exact same thing happened with my grandmother. My dad's brother is a scumbag and took it upon himself to spend her money while ostensibly taking care of her (the kind of care you'd expect from abusive alcoholic). My dad wanted my grandmother to actually spend her money on an elderly care facility, because she would have been much happier there among people as opposed to being essentially alone for the last 15 years of her life. But, her social reticence and my uncle's persistent guilt tripping kept her at home. It's a little hard to prove over the internet who was right or wrong in these cases, but I assure everyone that I could tell a few stories about my uncle that would leave absolutely no doubt.
- LeifCarrotson 9y ago